Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Fuckin’ huge one this time.
Is it just me, or is this hundred chapters going a lot faster than the first hundred chapters?
…shit. I’m gonna have to do recaps soon.
Look at the size of this thing.
If it were an iris, we’d be breaking it up to make smaller ones.
Let’s try that.
Angelica: Then don’t come in unannounced!
So, do you just wear that around the house now?
Cameron: Only when I’m planning do so something naughty.
Cameron: Hey Jack. Come over. And bring a condom.
Cameron: Really? Well, they sell them at the whorehouse. Yeah, the one with the hot black lady who basically looks like me.
Kent: My tell-all book is going to be amazing.
Cameron: Nah, don’t bother to skulk. Apparently we just whore right out there in the open in this house.
Chelsea: I get the feeling you’re talking about me.
Cameron: I might as well use the facilities here before I torch everything.
Cameron: Yeah, send her over.
Cameron: Do it slowly, though, to build suspense.
WHO COULD IT BE?!
Cameron: What, you can’t see from that angle? Move over.
Neat effect though.
Poppy: Not being dead is a neat effect!
Cameron: Don’t take your joy out on the ceiling!
Kent: This reminds me of that time I buried someone alive.
You only did that once?
Kent: No, but this only reminds me of the time one nearly got out.
Poppy: Thanks Cameron, I owe you one.
Cameron: Don’t thank me, Andrew paid for it.
Amin: If only I could satisfy my craving.
You’re afraid your immense Bigfoot strength would kill her?
Amin: What? No! I’m afraid my immense Bigfoot penis would ruin her.
Chelsea: I’m listening.
Poppy: Is that why you’re not doing anything useful?
Cameron: Where are you, dude? This vagina isn’t going to fuck itself. Or we’d have done away with men long ago.
Jack: Oh, wow. You’re like a goddess or something.
Cameron: Demigod, actually.
Jack: Which is like a goddess or something!
Andrew: Another beautiful day in the neighbourhood!
For some people it will be.
Andrew: I could really go for one bite of chicken and a spoonfull of soup right now.
I’d leave the house a lot more often if I could teleport.
And if I had to backflip to do it, I’d be in much better shape.
Jack: So you’re not worried about your husband finding us?
Cameron: I’m worried he won’t.
Cameron: But he’s such a putz he’ll probably miss us by like half a second anyway.
Andrew: Hey, who’s the sexy chick on my computer for some reason?
Poppy: I need to de-register from your household. It’s a handy online process.
Andrew: No rush.
Poppy: On the contrary.
Poppy: I must be getting ripe, the flies are buzzing.
Jack: Wow, is this one of Andrew Murphy’s famous science things?
Cameron: Yep! Stick it down your pants or something.
Andrew and Amin: I saw her first.
Poppy: And you’ve both seen the last of me.
Chelsea: Morning, Kent!
Kent: You would say that, you whore.
Jack: You really think so? Because I’m not even happy with this look.
Jack: Yours, however…
Cameron: Eyes up here, honey.
Jack: If they were down there, it would save both sexes a lot of embarassment.
Jack: Are you serious about this?
Cameron: As serious as I can be in a polka-dotted swimsuit!
Cameron: Although I guess there’s more ridiculous outfits I could be wearing.
Jack: Will you take me to visit your magical underwater realm someday?
Cameron: Only if you can breathe underwater.
Andrew: Weird, somebody left this off the hook.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING NO
Amin: Lots of fisting going on today.
Andrew: FRIDAY’s back!
Cameron’s skin is apparently so soft that you can completely lose your fingers in it.
Which makes handling her ass into a terrifying proposition, really.
Jack: I’ll chance it.
Andrew: Boy, what a happy and stable home I’ve made for myself!
Jack: Yeah, these are mine now.
Andrew: Let’s all sing a happy tune!
♪ When I find myself in times of trouble… ♪
Kent: Yeah! Woo! OH GOD POOPFACE
Amin: Where do you put all that, anyway?
Kent: Let it be.
FRIDAY: Why do they keep you downstairs?
Because we keep everything else upstairs.
Good robots don’t run around kicking over trash cans naked.
Andrew: He just wants to be friends, Muse.
Muse: .oO(Explain to him why that can’t happen.)
Andrew: Don’t be such a bitch, kittycat.
Muse: .oO(You’re thinking dogs. Female cats are called queens, and there’s a reason.)
Cameron: I’m in more of a bitch mood myself right now.
Andrew: Why are you carrying my kid up and down the stairs?
FRIDAY: Because I’m stuck in a programming loop.
And I don’t care enough about either of them to fix it.
Andrew: Just use his bed mat.
Emerson: DOESN’T FUCKING WORK
Andrew: I’d be mad about the swearing if I wasn’t surprised you can talk.
Jack: She was right, he’s uncannily unobservant.
Jack: I dunno about this, though. I don’t trust foreign cars.
FRIDAY: Thanks for bringing me back, Andrew.
Andrew: Any time. After all, you’ve got my mom’s personality in you!
FRIDAY: Which reminds me: you need to sort your shit, son.
Jack: Man that genie does good work.
FRIDAY: Uuuuuugh I cannot deal with this shit right now.
THE FUCKING CRIB IS BLOCKED
Andrew: So unblock it!
I DON’T WANT YOU USING IT!
Andrew: SO KILL ME
Right, and whatever you do, leave it there.
Cameron: Know what smells good? Not touching garbage.
Jack: Know what else smells good? Evil.
Jack: I know you know, Tommy.
Tommy: I didn’t hear it! I didn’t see it!
Jack: Don’t put on that deaf, dumb and blind schtick for me, pal.
Nathaniel: I could sure play a mean pinball right about now!
Oh god, who invited the demon child over?
Andrea: I hope you guys paid the gnome off real good.
Andrea: Hey, is Mr. Murphy home? ‘cuz I’m pretty sure he’s my dad.
Cameron: NO. This day is about MY cheating. He gets LITERALLY EVERY OTHER DAY.
Andrea: Man, my dad sounds awesome.
Angelica: Please come over, there’s some dumb blonde here and only you can speak her language.
Angelica: Yeah, I know you’re a ginger, but I’ve heard this awesome thing about fools seldom differering.
Cameron: You don’t look at all like him.
Andrea: Other than my hair colour? And my skin colour?
Andrea: And the shape of my head?
Cameron: And how I’m already starting to hate you?
Andrea: Naw, I get that from my mom.
Cameron: That is one fine hunk of machinery, I must say.
FRIDAY: I’m basically Andrew’s mother.
Cameron: And how mad would he be if I fucked her?!
FRIDAY: We could see!
Jack: Or you could not!
I see you caved and moved everything.
Andrew: Kent was having a conniption fit.
Look everybody, it’s Nick and GENETICS!
Angelica: Where’s Nick?
Nick: Where’s Angelica?
Angelica: Oh, sure, bring your painted whore to my house!
Angelica: Hi! What’s your name? Don’t answer that, you’re not a real person.
Nick: Oh, there you are! Have you met-
Angelica: Don’t tell me her name. I might need that mental storage space later.
Angelica: My self-loathing has a huge filesize.
FRIDAY: We’re running an orphanage now?
Nathaniel: Who’s this?
Nick: Who’s this?
Kent: You make me sick.
Angelica: Kinda made myself sick there, to be honest.
Nick: Admit it. You want me.
Angelica: Kids can’t slow dance.
Nick: But look! Glitches.
Angelica: This is weird and terrifying.
Nick: That’s how you know it’s love!
Andrea: What the hell are you guys doing?!
Angelica: Transcending time and space, apparently!
Nick: Love conquers all!
Nick: EXCEPT FOR STOMPED FEET
I don’t want to have to look your name up.
Nick: Talk about transcending time and space! I think you just stepped on my foot with all your future fatness.
Angelica: Well, that cured my lovesickness nicely. Hi! I’m Angelica!
Andea: Hi! I’m Andrea! We’re sisters.
Angelica: Right, ‘cuz that’s totally what sharing name prefixes does.
Angelica: Your friend is leaving.
Nick: I thought she was your friend!
Angelica: …I think we might have just been robbed.
Cameron: Won’t sleep.
FRIDAY: Probably gonna die.
Cameron: Won’t sleep!
Andrea: Which one is this, again?
Cameron: That mat! Is for SLEEPING ON. So SLEEP ON IT ALREADY.
Emerson: YOU’RE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE GENIUSES FIGURE THIS OUT
Chelsea: IT’S BUGGED JUST FIX IT ALREADY
I didn’t know that at the time!
Chelsea: BOOLPROP TESTINGCHEATSENABLED TRUE, THEN SHIFT-CLICK AND HIT “FORCE ERROR”
I DIDN’T KNOW THAT AT THE TIME!
Cameron: Tell Captain Sparkles he has a mission.
Andrew: HEY ANTS I LOVE MY LIFE
Why the sneaky-sneak?
William: I just oiled these shoes, and they just cut their grass.
Andrew: What a beautiful night!
Why are you being so positive today?
Andrew: TO COMBAT THIS INEXPLICABLE SENSE OF DREAD
Man, Cameron sure did have your selective perception pegged.
Presumably you’re not gonna ring the doorbell.
William: I’ll just let my raw animal magnetism do its thing.
Chelsea: Wow, FRIDAY! I’m sensing so much manly energy in your direction!
FRIDAY: Let’s assume I’m doing that!
William: Did my super masculine pheremones draw you out from inside?
Cameron: No? I was waiting for you? Because this was my idea?
William: So you’re ready to cut the cord?
Cameron: That’s a weird expression for ruining my marriage.
William: I wasn’t thinking umbilical cord. More like cords around your wrists, and you’re tied to a chair.
FRIDAY: I’ve been in relationships like that.
Nathaniel: …alright then.
William: I think your son saw me.
Cameron: Good. Hopefully this will make him think less of his dad.
If having an overachieving sasquatch in the house hasn’t done that, though…
Amin: Speaking of which, I got a promotion and a free lounge chair.
Like a boss.
William: Man, if you were my wife, I would wife the hell out of you.
Cameron: You’re not just saying that because you can see up my dress?
William: It’s a positive factor, to be sure.
Andrew: I think I’m gonna write a romance novel about my picture-perfect marriage.
Nathaniel: Ah. Brilliant.
Nathaniel: Nothing important happened today.
FRIDAY: So hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you – why you so fat?
Cameron: You don’t think Andrew had sex with Daisy White, do you?
William: Of course I do.
William: That’s why I did it.
Cameron: Show me what you did.
Andrew: So this is what a Blue Screen of Death feels like.
Andrew: You have a hard life, computer.
Cameron: FUCK ME LIKE YOU FUCK ALL HIS LOVERS!
Cameron: FUCK ME LIKE YOU FUCKED HIS MOM!
Cameron: FUCK ME LIKE YOU FUCKED ME!
William: Fuck ME you’re kinky.
Andrew: CHEATING IS SUPPOSED TO BE DISCREET!
Chelsea: And it’s supposed to be with me!
Andrew: HOW COULD YOU?!
Cameron: You did it first.
Andrew: YEAH BUT THAT WAS ME
Chelsea: You’re so sexy! But I’m so mad! But you’re so sexy!
Cameron: Now you know where we stand.
Andrew: YOU COULD HAVE JUST WRITTEN IT UP IN THE FAMILY NEWSLETTER
Chelsea: Fuck! I’m already forgiving you.
William: Leave some anger for the make-up sex!
Andrew: I hope you’re not expecting make-up sex.
Cameron: I’m not expecting a make-up, honestly.
Chelsea: I can make up enough for all of us.
Andrew: I can’t believe you-
Cameron: OH DO NOT START WITH ME, DOCTOR FUCKENSTEIN.
Andrew: HOW DARE YOU TELL THEM MY SECRET SEX NAME
Andrew: Which you never even told me.
Chelsea: You’re so hot I can’t even look directly at you!
William: You’re so hot, I can’t not!
Cameron: Seems like you banged half the neighbourhood behind my back!
Andrew: In my defense, that was before your back got so sexy!
Chelsea: Heart boxers?
William: Thought you’d like that.
Cameron: You fucked my sister in our house, Andrew!
Andrew: So you fucked my worst enemy in our bed?!
Andrew: Also this isn’t our house. You’re still classified as a zombie and you can’t own property.
Cameron: Funny, ‘cuz I seem to own your heart. Wussbag.
Cameron: Just because you saved me from the zombie apocalypse that I helped start, doesn’t mean you can see other women!
Andrew: It should totally mean that.
William: Cut him some slack, Cam. He’s got three inches less masculinity than I do, so he’s bound to be more sensitive.
William: Now let’s get that suit off and go another round, he’s got at least another hour of blubbering in him!
William: Or if you’re not game, I could masturbate into one of his socks.
Andrew: You’re going to be masturbating through a straw when I’m done with you.
William: The fuck does that mean.
Cameron: I’m allergic to dust.
Chelsea: …and that’s why cheating is like recycling!
FRIDAY: Convincing! And hot.
Cameron: I should wreck his stuff.
William: I’M ALREADY ON IT
William: At least the mirror can tell what’s going on.
Andrew: This one’s for Melanie!
Andrew: And this one’s for Brandi!
Andrew: And this one…
William: WE GET IT. I FUCKED YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.
Cameron: In his defense, he’s really good at it.
William: FINISHING MOVE.
William: Now get out of here before I fuck you up the ass.
Andrew: Yeah, um, no. This is still my house. Leave.
William: Enjoy snuggling with my sperm tonight, loserboy.
Andrew: EW EW GO
William: If you smell roses during the night, that’s just some of Captain Sparkles’ cologne.
Cameron: Strumpet sisters. We could be on an HBO medieval drama!
William: Veni, vidi, veni, bitches.
Andrew: That’s a really good line.
Andrew: How did it come to this?
You’re a piece of shit?
Andrew: Sure, but make it sound like her fault.
It’s hard to find fault with her.
Andrew: Still gonna try.
Andrew: Alright Cameron, we’re finished.
Cameron: Why am I making this face? That’s what I want!
Andrew: A lifetime of romance, down the drain!
Cameron: I don’t really care! So why am I doing this?!
Andrew: You’ll never find someone who accepts you for what you are, the way I do!
Cameron: You’re just proving what a dick you are! SO WHY DO I LOOK SAD?!
FRIDAY: You guys sure this isn’t your poop?
Andrew: Where you gonna find beige wallpaper like that? Huh? NOWHERE ‘CUZ I COPYRIGHTED IT
Cameron: I don’t know why I feel so shitty!
FRIDAY: Is it maybe ‘cuz you shit in the potty?
Cameron: Look, we’ve had our differences, but can’t we part as friends?
Andrew: NO. You’re so important to me, I want you to feel REALLY REALLY BAD.
Cameron: Aw! I do.
Emerson: CAN I FIND NO PEACE
Cameron: I cried so much my jaw is stuck!
Andrew: You probably got lockjaw from Captain Sparkles. William’s stuck that thing in every STD known to men or gods.
Cameron: YOU DESERVED THIS
Andrew: SO DID YOU
Andrew: You got like half the valley killed, Cameron.
Andrew: And I still kinda loved you.
They know what’s what.
Cameron: I’ll be in touch?
Andrew: Don’t rush.
Cameron: Wanna come with me, hunkbot?
FRIDAY: And live in a trailer park with no money?! OH GEE COULD I?!
Jack: Sluts are the best.
FRIDAY: Andrew says you can use this garbage bag for your stuff. After I empty all the garbage out of it.
Andrew: There there, young one. It’ll be alright.
Angelica: It was already alright. I was asleep.
Andrew: Let me just tuck you in there.
Angelica: I have my sheets where I want them.
Andrew: So young and innocent… this is gonna hit her pretty hard.
Angelica: Not as hard as I’m gonna hit you if you wake me all the way up.
Andrew: Perhaps some science can ease her pain.
Angelica: GET YOUR ELEPHANT OUT OF MY ROOM
You basically DIED from that.
Nathaniel: No homo.
Nathaniel: Dude. Personal space?
Nathaniel: LEAVE IT.
Andrew: IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE.
Andrew: Snuggle this, sparklejuice.
Andrew: By science be cleansed.
Andrew: Also by fire.
Andrew: Yeah! Rageface! SO badass.
Emerson: Oh boy! I’m gonna get so much sympathy candy now!
Cameron: Shut up, would you?
FRIDAY: Hey, none of this shit was from your marriage! Do you have anything to show for it?
Cameron: My sweet, sweet regrets.
Andrew: That’s a terrible thing to call our children.
Andrew: I prefer “Daddy’s Little Disappointments.”
Meanwhile, in the Middle East…
Andrew: At least she only spawned three monsters.
You know, she’s gonna have more kids.
Andrew: I’m never gonna impregnate her again!
Who says you need to?
Andrew: Don’t follow.
See, she and William-
Andrew: DON’T FOLLOW
Andrew: I know I told you that before, but I meant Cameron.
FRIDAY: You seriously did not just go there.
Andrew: I’m just helping him to know his mother better, is all.
Andrew: Before she dies of AIDS in a gutter.
Cameron: What a pretty picture you paint.
Cameron: Have fun vacuuming up the ninja dust, wage-slave.
FRIDAY: Oh, I don’t get a wage.
Andrew: HELLO NEW WIFE
FRIDAY: DON’T TOUCH THAT! My cheeks are made of cheekium! It’s extremely toxic! But pleasingly yellow.
Cameron: What? What?
Cameron: ALSO WHY
FRIDAY: Hey Cameron! My, you’re positively glowing right now!
Cameron: Mental breakdown commencing.
Lots of breaking down going around today.
Cameron: Scratch all the furniture to shreds, Muse.
Muse: .oO(’tis a burden I gladly bear.)
Cameron: I’ve always wanted to live in a trailer park! I hear they all come wired with cable.
FRIDAY: You will be missed.
Cameron: Will I, though?
FRIDAY: Probably not, no.
Cameron: You guys either.
Angelica: Obligatory oh no don’t go speech.
Nathaniel: If you’re not gonna sell it, it should be on my chore list.
FRIDAY: It’s been fun I guess! I don’t really know you.
Angelica: What he said! Mom.
FRIDAY: Bye Nathaniel!
Nathaniel: I’m staying!
FRIDAY: LIKE HELL YOU ARE
FRIDAY: I thought we were clearing the riffraff out!
Angelica: You’re still here.
Amin: Where’d chinface go?
Cameron: I’ll miss you too, flopdick.
Remember how hopeful you were when you moved in here?
Cameron: Yeah. Why do you mention it?
I just think it’s funny.
Cameron: Fuckin’ riot.
Chelsea: Can you take this baby when it comes?
Yeah, got to get it away from this asshole.
Angelica: Aw, do you miss mom?
Muse: .oO(MY FOOT IS STUCK ON THIS POOP SHEET)
Angelica: Hey, Ain’t Chelsea.
Chelsea: You mean Aunt Chelsea.
Angelica: Nope. Ain’t Chelsea. Chelsea is a person’s name.
Emerson: Yeah, fuck that bitch.
Chelsea: Why the pissing and moaning? It’s not like anyone in this house interacts with anyone else! Just pretend your mom’s in the upstairs bathroom, sharpening her chin.
Angelica: DON’T YOU DARE BADMOUTH OUR CHIN!
Angelica: HEY BABY SISTER! YOUR MOM’S A C-
Luckily our POV was centred on Chelsea.
Nathaniel: I’m gonna draw a happy family! On fire.
Chelsea: I think this one hates me too.
Kent: They learn fast!
Angelica: Life is a lot easier when you don’t respect anyone you live with.
Nathaniel: I drew a big purple heart! It’s diseased.
Chelsea: You still like me, right?
I really love what you’ve done with the place.
Cameron: I bet it’s still got better resale value than this dump.
Next time: probably just dick jokes.
Hopefully not 284 pics worth.