Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
I swear this household won’t be as boring as usual.
Carolina: Step on it, Jenny. The longer I’m here, the more danger I’m in.
Rebecca: Your dullness threatens us all.
Deborah: Good morning to you, too!
Rebecca: Fabulous, she’s become immune to criticism.
Can you do that later? This is kind of the wrong time.
Debbie: I’m a nanny. That’s my time zone.
Rebecca: Don’t leave me with her!
Deborah: I’m late for work. If you’re coming, walk faster.
Debbie: Have fun at work! I guarantee your daughter will still be alive when you get back.
Deborah: Wow, that’s a suspiciously specific guarantee!
Debbie: Who wants a poop sandwich?!
Debbie: I can make a platter!
Elle: I’m good.
Rebecca: Too bad supply is unrelated to demand.
Amar: Hello there, fellow nobody!
Carolina: I’m a somebody now.
Amar: DON’T TALK TO ME
Deborah: I need to talk to the Murphys about this big flat green expanse they’re growing.
Carolina: Kill it! Burn it! Bury it underground.
Carolina: Thanks for visiting.
Debbie: Hey, look who it isn’t!
Deborah: At least she recognizes that.
I’m not sure why I felt the fan was such a vital part of this image.
Probably I didn’t want to get too close to the screaming glowy person.
Sure is some counter space you’re abandoning that meal on.
Deborah: You cleared it off while I was complaining.
Oh yeah? PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN.
Carolina: Don’t you control the pics?
Debbie: There’s someone in that huge grassy room you have.
Rebecca: SUPPLY NEEDS TO BE RELATED TO DEMAND
Debbie: We ran out of milk so I just filled this up with candy.
Rebecca: Supply is related to demand!
Debbie: I’m killing your baby.
Deborah: Better you than me.
Debbie: Can’t see shit. God I hope this is my ride.
Deborah: I’m sure she’ll be fine.
Carolina: New mission.
What, Deborah not good enough for you?
Carolina: Is she good enough for you?
No, but then again, nobody is.
I’m writing this next to a window at 7:30 in the morning.
I think this is a picture of a remote-operated vehicle in the Marianas Trench.
Yay! We’re using Cloveroute!
This is Seedy’s Bar.
Chris Tomyoy: YOU GUYS I THINK THERE’S BEEN AN ACCIDENT
Carolina: I bet this is how Melanie feels.
She feels a lot different lately.
Carolina: Would you believe me if I said I’d been to college?
Chris: You’re a playable, right? Sure.
Carolina: INFINITE POWER
Chris: There’s no colleges around here, though. Only universities.
Carolina: Would you believe me if I said I wasn’t from around here?
Carolina: Because I’m a playable?
Chris: Because you aren’t ugly or dead.
Jerome: My kind of gal!
Not a thought in their heads.
Shadow Monster: Hi! I’m a shadow monster!
Oh god, somebody call a doctor.
YOU HAD YOUR CHAPTER GO AWAY
Jerome: I wonder…
No. She’s out of your league.
Jerome: But we have so much in common! Like how our spouses keep banging our spouses.
Carolina: You don’t want that chick. Nothing but baggage! You need someone with no life experiences, and no nine-inch penises to compare you to.
Carolina: With me so far?
Shadow Monster: I dunno! I’m just a shadow monster!
Jerome: Cameron’s pretty hot, though.
Carolina: Speaking as someone who went ten percent lesbo to score a house to live in, I agree.
Jerome: Actually, you’re way cuter than Cameron.
Carolina: He’s observant!
Jack: Wrong, but observant.
Carolina: You know who’s really smokin’ hot, though? That serial killer. Way out of our league, though, am I right?
Jerome: Fucked her in my car.
Carolina: Wow! That’s amazing! And you lived to tell the tale!
Cameron: If that was a tale, I have an epic to share about me, William, and a hot tub.
Jack: DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT
The question is not why my journal has so much townie death.
It’s why it has so little.
Cameron: I had a genie make me sexy.
Cameron: Then I had sex with William in a hot tub.
Grant: Hi! I’m Grant Majeka… Majicadicka… MAJECKADECKADOOMY
Carolina: I’m so sorry.
Carolina: For so many things.
Jack: Think your genie could fix me up?
Cameron: He’s a genie, not a god.
Jack: This chick knows a genie!
Carolina: I know a shadow monster.
Grant: But if I called him that it’d be a hate crime.
Grant: This pic is horribly framed.
Carolina: But its content is fantastic.
Carolina: So many hot dudes here! What a great bar, right?
Chris: Except it’s so dark I had to wear this space suit to not get pegged as a shadow monster.
NO MONSTERS OF ANY KIND.
Carolina: This is probably just the alcohol talking, but you’re pretty cute!
Jerome: That is definitely just the alcohol talking, but I’ll take it!
Jerome: You should drink some more.
Carolina: Wanna head somewhere brighter, Lord Vader?
I’m not sure if he does. I can’t see his facial expressions.
I’M NOT JOKING ABOUT THIS.
Carolina: I thought we weren’t doing the people-are-different jokes anymore.
Jerome: This isn’t about race. It’s about contrast.
OH NO! IT’S A FLOATING HEAD WITH HANDS!
Jerome: We could go to Centreborough. It’s much better lit.
Jack: Oh, sure. Go urban. Play into the stereotype.
Jerome: Okay, that joke was-
TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
What’s so funny?
Carolina: Put your camera over there.
That’s not funny.
That’s just sad.
See also: kicky bag in a bar.
Carolina: If this was baseball, the colours would be reversed. And we’d both be black and blue.
Carolina: Of course, some of us are already halfway there!
Jerome: You’re not even trying now.
Carolina: I’m just teasing you. It’s what people do when they like each other!
Jerome: Wow! That throws my entire marriage into a whole new light!
Chris: I’m gonna throw up.
Carolina: So, how ’bout it? You too good for a randomly generated girl?
I really want to see the algorithm that produced you.
Jerome: I can’t think about you while all this is going on.
Carolina: No, that’s legit.
Jerome: I love your cute little glasses! I hope they magnify.
Jerome: And you seem like a really sensible gal! You know that anything over four inches is just for aesthetic purposes.
Jerome: And you don’t smell like shit, like everyone else here does.
Jack: BAM! Never showered.
Grant: You know who’s hot? Daisy White.
Cameron: No. Daisy White is a collection of hot elements on a pug.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I’m sure I have a key that’ll fit.
Carolina: Later babe!
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Oh no! A negro! Don’t steal my stuff!
Jerome: You need to lay off the snake oil, buddy.
Look out, Carolina!
The shadow monster is out to get you!
And now your car door is opening on its own!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS A PICTURE OF
Oh! Okay. We’re in a fancy diner!
Jerome: And we’re ruining it.
Shea: No, seriously! Time travel! I’m certain.
Shea: Pleased to meet you! Will your shadow monster be joining you?
It’s not racist if he’s saying it too.
Jerome: This place looks more like a three to me.
Carolina: I like lobster.
Jerome: I like fried chicken.
I LIKE STEREOTYPES
Esther: Found someone new already, huh Mr. Newcastle?
Jerome: I suspect she was created expressly for that purpose!
Kendal: “What… an… asshole”?
Esther: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
Carolina: Honestly, I’m just a townie! RNG!
Jerome: I’ve seen RNG townies before, Carolina, and I’m pretty sure that stands for Really Nasty Genetics.
Carolina: We haven’t seen how my kids will look yet.
Maybe you haven’t…
Jerome: Whoah, hold the boat. You know how our lives play out?
Jerome: Do I want to know?
Of course not!
Carolina: Here’s to doom.
Carolina: May we at least survive in the hearts and minds of our loved ones.
Pretty tall order, that.
Nerissa: Ugh, white people.
Yeah, champagne is a real game-changer.
Jerome: I wasn’t kidding about Cecilia, though. It must have been a moment of weakness.
Carolina: Pretty sure she’s not supposed to have those.
Veronica: Maybe she murdered you and this is just a final moments hallucination, like in that Ambrose Bierce story they won’t stop assigning to English classes.
Looking more and more likely.
Jerome: Oh no! A terrible monster just walked in!
Shea: We don’t serve your kind here.
Carolina: Who’s the blubbering fatty?
Jerome: It’s times like these I wish I really was a shadow monster.
8:17 and I’m still not sure you’re not.
Jerome: Don’t you start with me! You were really unsupportive of my emotional state when I was an unemployed architect who never satisfied you sexually or intellectually!
Carolina: Geez, Jerome.
Penny: We’re still married, you monster!
Carolina: Why does “gold brick” mean a useless person, anyway?
Nerissa: Ever seen what a gold brick can bench? Sad, sad stuff.
Jerome: I’m sorry, Penny. You’re just really mean and I don’t like you anymore.
Penny: A LIKELY STORY
Penny: Look, come on home and we’ll talk about this.
Jerome: Nuh-uh! After extensive experimental testing I’ve discovered that what’s wrong with me is YOU!
Jerome: I’ve met three different women who all think I’m fine!
Nerissa: Can we weigh in on this?
Veronica: Yeah, we’ve got a minority report to file.
Jerome: I don’t need you or your gross Murphy pregnancy!
Penny: Oh god, you think it might have Andrew’s genetics?!
Jerome: You cheated on me and you lied to me and you were really mean about my physical shortcomings.
Penny: To be fair, everyone was doing it.
Jerome: SEE THAT LAMP
Jerome: THERE’S ANOTHER ONE OVER THERE.
Nerissa: What a gold brick.
Penny: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING
Penny: I can change?
Jerome: No, you can’t! You only get the one pregnancy outfit.
Penny: That’s true.
Carolina: Hey, you forgot to-
Jerome: OH YEAH HEY PENNY WE’RE DIVORCED.
Jerome: You are, anyway.
Penny: I was gonna use that line.
Shea: Fine dining, not whine dining.
Carolina: Bye, albino!
Nerissa: Later, teal eyes!
Penny: She has teal eyes?!
Shea: No wonder he likes her better.
Shea: That, and all the not whining she does.
What, have you got a Jerome’s love interest fetish?
Andrew: Why not? William has one for mine.
Jerome: I will literally kill you.
Andrew: You literally cannot.
Jerome: Pull right a bit, make him sweat a little.
Carolina: I’m not gonna solve your problems with my car, Jerome.
Oh, wait, you don’t know why that’s funny yet.
Carolina: BOO! Play Freebird!
DJ: You got it!
♪ Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ♪
♪ Never gonna stick my hand through your sternum! ♪
Jerome: I nearly killed that girl!
Cheryl: Now that would be a Rickroll!
Jerome: Care to dance?
Carolina: Do you know how?
Jerome: You saw my wife. I spent lots of time dancing! With a mop. With a paper-plate face.
Kelly: Somebody call for a divorce lawyer?
Are you dancing, or climbing an invisible ledge?
I wonder what song all these dances would be appropriate for.
Jerome: Actually, we’re all being inappropriate.
Carolina: It’s “Springtime for Hitler.”
Best DJ ever.
Carolina: You’re pretty good at slow dancing!
Jerome: I’m not dancing at all. I’m swooning.
DJ: AW JEAH SUCKA
Corey: I hope I get to murder these people.
Carolina: I could die happy right now.
Jerome: DON’T TELL THE MAKER THAT
Jerome: Even if I agree.
Oh no! Another shadow monster!
Carolina: Are you kissing my hair?
Jerome: It’s good hair!
Kelly: They’re pretend-kissing! Less chance of catching mono that way.
I don’t know what your problem is, she looks hot.
Jerome: Oh, Carolina. You are on my mind.
Carolina: Two songs at once! Tight.
NOBODY PUTS ZOMBIE IN A CORNER
You ever gonna let go?
Jerome: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
Jerome: Probably gonna let you down, though.
Carolina: At least I’ll be expecting it.
Carolina: I thought we were heading back to my place.
Jerome: Oh! I just assumed you were dumping me.
Carolina: You are officially invited to join me at my domicile.
Gavin: SOMEBODY GON’ GET LAID
DJ: SICCCCCK COSPLAY BABE
Kelly: I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, actually.
Carolina: Somehow we’re dancing again.
Jerome: This place has a really romantic atmosphere!
♪ You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals ♪
I hope that’s directed at the DJ.
Grant: No, it’s directed at you.
Kelly: A Bloodhound Gang reference? In 2015?!
Corey: I can dig it.
Carolina: Holy shit, you’re tense!
Jerome: I keep expecting you to start beating me or something. You know, to set the balance right.
Carolina: I think your expectations have been a bit distorted by a very unhappy marriage, Jerome.
Jerome: I haven’t seen any happy ones to compare it to, is all.
Carolina: We’ll have to provide an example, then.
Carolina: Take me, shadow monster!
8:58 and still can’t see a damn thing.
Carolina: He’s been writing our first date for over an hour! Isn’t that romantic?!
Corey: It’s slow, is what it is.
Carolina: Some things are worth taking slow.
Good news, Carolina! You’re really trending in the pensioner demographic.
Bad news, Carolina!
Jerome: This must be what it feels like to be wanted!
Please tell me.
♪ -chicken dance- ♪
You’re laughing, but I’m pretty sure he just felt up your date’s crotch.
Kennedy: Hey, no fair stealing my thing!
Gavin: Gonna destroy their happiness?
Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: These things usually work themselves out.
Carolina: ♪ Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks? ♪
I’m so glad I discovered those musical notes.
Carolina: ♪ I’m graaaaaabing my own aaaaaaasssssss! ♪
Carolina: Now it’s your turn.
Jerome: To sing?
Carolina: God, he’s hopeless.
God here: I know.
THIS ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE
Wow. I can’t believe I actually got some use out of this place so early!
It’s almost like I didn’t hate myself yet.
Sometimes you can almost see me trying not to suck!
And sometimes I can’t see shit.
Carolina: So, it might get a bit awkward with the girl I live with, because she might have a girl crush on me.
Jerome: Am I even in the car? It’s too dark to see.
Carolina: I’m just gonna assume you’re back there somewhere. Otherwise the door just opened and closed on its own.
Carolina: Where are you? Give me your hands so we don’t run into each other.
Carolina: Boy, I sure hope this is you.
Jerome: Me too.
I don’t know what you guys are seeing, but from here it looks like Invisible Man porn.
And now the car is talking about violins.
Yay! Now nobody is visible.
I assume they’re having sex.
Or being struck by meteors?
Maybe that’s just goop on the monitor.
I CAN SEE THE GOOP ON THE MONITOR MUCH MORE CLEARLY.
Oh no! The WooHoo icons are stealing your car!
Carolina: I’m sorry all these darkness jokes ruined our first date.
Jerome: The Holocaust couldn’t have ruined it.
Jerome: …too far?
Carolina: Like, by miles.
Thank god for the headlines or I wouldn’t know there were two people there.
Jerome: Gonna put a baby in her.
Jerome: Shit, really?!
And if you’re nice, I’ll even let you put them in her sexually.
Jerome: Baby eating jokes.
All class up in this joint.
Rebecca: This is our joint. How did we get relegated to supporting cast?!
Hey, it saved your lives. Be grateful.
Jerome: I’m just learning what gratefulness feels like!
I can’t see this very clearly, but I think you might be about to experience the opposite.
Penny: Nah, I’m just gonna kick the trash over. I can torture him when we get home.
Penny: You and I are gonna get to know each other real well, can.
What’re you doing?
Carolina: Taking care of Rebecca!
Why start now?!
Rebecca: Apparently some people think it’s not too late.
Rebecca: In other news, I’m better than everyone else here.
Penny: I BELIEVE IT.
Carolina: Did you see who did this?
Garbage Can: WE KNOW EACH OTHER REAL WELL
Jennifer: Wash your hands before you come in.
Carolina: I’ll change my clothes too!
Change all up in this bitch!
Next time: maybe a tiny bit of plot.
Take what you can get.