The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 167

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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In which young adults have aged slightly.

It might not be plot.

But it is a sign that time actually passes in this story!


Oh, god help us.

Stewart: Why is it still dark out?

Because I can’t stand to play this household until 7AM most days.

WEDNESDAY: WE’RE JUST WORN-OUT PLAYTHINGS TO YOU!

Right!

Only you were never much fun to play with.

WEDNESDAY: WHAT AM I DOCTOR DOLITTLE

Stewart: I can tell my headphones are gonna come in handy.

The worst thing about Sims and electronics is they’re exactly like real people with electronics.

WEDNESDAY: I’m being a real people!

Yes, a real people’s response to Stewart moving back in would probably indeed be to move out.

Stewart: Who’s this yellow dude?

That’s FRIDAY. Andrew made some skin for your robots.

Stewart: Why is he shut down in the middle of the night?

Because he’s lost his will to live.

Stewart: WHY WOULD ANYONE PROGRAM A THING LIKE THAT

Stewart: YOU CAN’T LEAVE LOOKING LIKE THAT

Stewart: Call me?
WEDNESDAY: You wouldn’t like what I’d call you.

WEDNESDAY: Farewell, former robot mate! I will dedicate few CPU cycles to reviewing our relationship.

WEDNESDAY: You’re still pretty hot, though.

Please, at least run the dudes over before you go.

Any jobs in whatever that career you want is?

Stewart: Dude, even if you can’t remember my dream job, you should be able to reverse-engineer it from my university degree!

Oh, right!

Because I totally remember what that was.

William: I’m just gonna put this over here for when you wake up.

William: Do robot cuckolds dream of electric tears?

Stewart: It’s uncanny the way he just hangs there like he’s a bright yellow kitten on an invisible tree branch.

It’s not the only uncanny thing he does sometimes.

Stewart: …yeah, not gonna look.

Stewart: Guess I’d better head into town.

Yeah, let’s stretch this out as long as possible.

Stewart: OH NO A CAR

What?

Stewart: LOOK OUT LOOK OUT

Stewart: These things are dangerous, you know.

Idiots, you mean?

I’m not sure I trust you to drive now.

Hey, look! It’s Cloveroute!

…I thought we’d be ignoring it for longer than this.

Thanks for showing up in the middle of the night, though, so I can’t really show anything off.

Stewart: Everything I see is someone else’s work anyway, you just arranged it.

IT’S FOUND ART OKAY

Found art is a lost art.

Alvin: My woman says I need to look at some clothes.

Yeah, you really need to replace that belly shirt.

Alvin: She said “look,” not “buy.” I am a Scientist. I operate in literalities.

Alvin: Gay boy. Share your gay fashion sense with me.

Stewart: Buy literally anything. It will be an improvement.

Alvin: I prefer to keep rockin’ my Golden Age costume.

Brady: Wow, real money! We haven’t seen that in Cloveroute ever!
Stewart: I’m the first customer of this entire village?!
Brady: I DON’T THINK IT EXISTED BEFORE YOU ARRIVED.

Brady: Look! You even caused the sun to rise.
Stewart: Man, it pays to be an early adopter!

Asia: Speaking of early adopting…

Stewart: Hey! Hey. Who are you again?

Asia: I’m your girlfriend, silly.

Stewart: …I just graduated from college. You appear to be twelve.

Stewart: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS.

Stewart: What the hell was that about?

Apparently you forgot to bring your actual girlfriend to university with you.

And now she’s stuck as a thirty-year-old teenager.

Stewart: These things happen.

Man, these robots shed a lot.

FRIDAY: Oh MAN, I must have been partying hard last night.

FRIDAY: Hey, Stewie! You’re back!
Stewart: With a university degree in not getting called “Stewie.”

Sir Wally: SQUAWK! Where the fuck have you been? SQUAWK!
Stewart: God, haven’t they taught you any actual words yet?!

Brooke: So I hear there’s an actual character living here now.
FRIDAY: Yeah. You’d better avoid him, ‘cuz characterhood is infectious.
Brooke: I guess robots can’t get infections, huh?

Stewart: Please come over before he gets bored and kills me.

Better hurry.

I think I got the robots jobs so I could fast-forward through most of this household’s days.

What I’m saying is, Stewart needs a job now.

CleanBot: HEY THERE FOXY LADY

CleanBot: OH YEAH OH YEAH
Brooke: …I hate this house.

CleanBot: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH unnnnnnnnnngh.

Brooke: Like, a lot.

Brooke: Oh, wow! You must be lost, lady, there’s only losers here.
Margaret: Awesome, I got the right address!

Stewart: Four years of university did not prepare me for robot-clogged toilets.

Margaret: If this trail of flowers leads to his bedroom I’m leaving.

Good, yes, press the doorframebell.

Stewart: Hey there beautiful!
Margaret: I really am, aren’t I!

Stewart: OM NOM NOM
Margaret: Good enough to eat?

Stewart: I am going to suck your molars out.

Luckily Margaret knows a counter for that.

Margaret: …my hips suddenly feel old.
Stewart: And hips don’t lie!

Margaret: BAM! Inappropriate outfit.

Margaret: It’s just ruined my life.

Somehow, Margaret had §12 000.

Usually they’ve got §1 and a garden gnome or something.

Oh good, let’s have more of these incompetent house expansion images.

At least there’s a leaky light fixture to provide interest.

Wow, look! There’s an archway in this house! Better take credit for that!

Make sure to get the scratching post in the corner there, too, that’s important.

Get the angle right! We need to see how shittily the ceiling matches everything else.

And let’s get a good establishing shot of the COUCH because god knows nobody will ever use the COUCH no FUCK THIS.

We’re doing GOOD IMAGES, and we’re gonna LIKE IT.

BAM! Low angle! Deal with it.

BAM! Matching ceiling! Live with it.

BAM! Boring outfit!

replace it.

Margaret: I don’t know if I’m ready for this sort of commitment.

He’s a pretty good catch, though! You can walk right past him saying nasty stuff and he’ll probably never hear it.

Margaret: Yeah, he’s a pretty gigantic tool.
Stewart: …this has a pause button, you know.

Margaret: I hope you do too, because I’m about to leave the lot and plunge you into limbo.
Stewart: I’ll just listen to my MP3 player some more.
Margaret: You need to stop that forever because it’s infuriating.

Stewart: I CAME PREPARED FOR THAT

Not gonna freak out because there’s a car in front of you?

Margaret: …a parked car? With nobody in it?

I dunno, it seems to freak everybody else out.

Stewart: We’re just playing with you.

Like my new neighbourhood?

Margaret: It’s only slightly newer than me.

So that’s a yes?

Margaret: That depends. Is that happening?

NO THAT IS NOT HAPPENING.

GET BACK IN YOUR BASEMENT MELANIE.

Margaret, distracted by a shiny, ruins her team’s Sistine Chapel Tableau Vivant practice.

Tucker: I am also distracted by shininess.

Tucker: Because your skin is shiny.
Margaret: I got it, thanks.

Margaret: Thanks a lot.

YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM.

De-townificiation is like getting a green card. If it’s because of marriage, it’s dependent on that marriage!

Penny: YOU NEED TO WASH YOUR CURTAINS TO LOCK THE FRESHNESS IN

Jack: Ew! H&M?! This is a family shopping district!

Jack: Unless H&M doesn’t mean what I think it means.

Jack: Which is impossible.

Jack: KEEP YOUR PERVERSIONS TO YOURSELVES

Jack: Thanks for letting me do that.

You’ll pay for it later.

Margaret: I really hope he didn’t see me.

Margaret: Ugh, I might need to live in this car now.

WEDNESDAY: YOU STOLE MY LOVE I’M STEALING YOUR PAPER

Margaret: Sexy mode engaged.

Roger: Anybody gonna claim these treasures?

I’m gonna guess you just got a job.

Margaret: But you’ll never guess what job it is.

Shadow: .oO(I’m pinning my hopes on “litter box cleaner.”)

Shadow: .oO(While we’re on the topic, I’m gonna ask you to stop pooping in that water bowl. You can borrow some of my litter, just to get you started, if that’s what you want.)

Shadow: .oO(Also please make your robot stop threatening me.)
CleanBot: AMBULATORY POLLUTANT DETECTED. CLEANSING CYCLE INITIATED.

Margaret: Right. So I’m the straight man here. Um, there’s just one problem with that.

OH GOD SHE’S A MIME

You’re the new straight man, FRIDAY.

FRIDAY: Then how come I’m bent double?

FRIDAY: Did Roger stop by? I told him he could eat anything he found in that pile.

FRIDAY: Because there’s too much garbage in it DID YOU KICK OUR ROOF OFF TOO

FRIDAY: What a hot mess you are.

FRIDAY: You’re sexy and you blow it.

Margaret: Robot hate is hot.

WEDNESDAY: FRIDAY honey, I miss you.
FRIDAY: You miss me entirely.

FRIDAY: LET THAT SWEET BURN SINK IN

FRIDAY: I have to feed the bird before it dies.

FRIDAY: LIKE MY MARRIAGE

CleanBot is about to become a perpetual motion machine.

Stewart: Our family is growing!

Don’t count on it.

Stewart: Why?

Because apparently even robots are subject to natural selection.

FZZT

FRIDAY: Oh! Right!

FRIDAY: I’d better not burn the house down.

FRIDAY: Time… to… fry.

FRIDAY: …shouldn’t I be passed out?

FRIDAY: THIS IS NEW

FRIDAY: Why?

Because you gave me an excuse.

FRIDAY: I’m a long-established character!

That just gave me time to realize how boring you are.

FRIDAY: There’s lots of characters who are more boring than I am!

And if any of them stand under a drip of fatal liquid, I’ll be sure to give them the same treatment.

FRIDAY: What about my long-standing storyline about becoming a real Sim?!

You pretty much managed it.

FRIDAY: Or my long-standing storyline about desiring offspring?!

Yeah, I’m saving you from that one.

Although mostly I’m saving me from you.

Stewart: I HATE DEATH HOUSE

Elizabeth Ku: This is your house?!

The Grim Reaper: CAT’S ALMOST DONE TOO. YOU WANT I SHOULD TAKE HIM?

Stewart: You owe me one. Remember that.

Shadow: .oO(You’re assuming I still enjoy being alive.)

Shadow: .oO(Keep moving buddy, if you value what you call your life.)

Shane: Some ugly freakin’ cats around here.

Shadow: .oO(Hey Stinky. How’s Henri?)
Stinky Skunk: .oO(Oh, you know. Livin’ large.)

Stewart: It doesn’t look like a robot killer…

Contemplating your own mortality?

Shadow: .oO(No, everybody else’s.)

Stewart: HE’S TRYING TO KILL US

Stewart: Something clearly died in here.

Shadow: .oO(My intestines are older than you.)

Shadow: .oO(And I’ll thank you not to undo their great works.)

Stewart: MY LIFE IS STILL FUN

This is me now, all the time.

This, too.

Stewart: I CAN’T SEE YOU BEING MORBID

Shadow: .oO(I’m glad you’re handling this so well.)

Nothin’ but well-handling ’round here.

Shadow: .oO(At least I got some attention today.)

See you next time somebody dies.

That urn just has his owner’s manual in it.

It cremated really well.

Too soon, man. Too soon.

Too soon, mime. Too soon.

Margaret: I’m here, I’m artsy, get over it.

Margaret: That invisible box was hell on my wrists, though, I don’t mind telling you.

Margaret: Invisible Hawaii!

Margaret: Why is there an urn room downstairs now?
Stewart: FRIDAY died, and we wanted to institutionalize that.

Stewart: It’s not safe here. People keep dying.
Margaret: And making that “safe” joke.

Margaret: STOP MAKING THAT “SAFE” JOKE.

Stewart: Tickle my funny bone, then.

Margaret: You just called your penis “funny.”

It matches your haircuts.

You should still be able to abort people once you see how they turn out.

Shadow: .oO(I’ve never met a Murphy who would have survived that.)

Shadow: .oO(Little comforting? Bit of attention? Pretty depressed here.)

Shadow: .oO(Just worried about impending death, no biggie.

Meanwhile, this.

Stewart: The telescope is crowing! Time to wake up.

Margaret: What are you doing?
Stewart: Picturing how hot you are! Otherwise I’d have to walk down the stairs backwards.

Stewart: What’s new, pussycat?
Shadow: .oO(Life is meaningless.)

Stewart: Yeah.

Stewart: But there’s always huggles!

Shadow: .oO(If by always you mean annually.)

Stewart: Yeah.

Shadow: .oO(Please don’t die.)

Stewart: Hitler impersonation contest!
Shadow: Ich werde dich zerstören!

Rosemarie: SO RANDOM.

Stewart: Go away! No actual Hitlers allowed.

Actual Hitlers needs to be a band.

Margaret: I DON’T CARE IF IT’S TRADITION BERETS ARE STUPID

Stewart: Well, that was certainly a day of my life.

Same here.

Next time: true love blossoms.

And probably gets caught in an early frost.

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