Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Thank god, a short one.
Happy New Year!
Let’s ring it in with a new shopping district.
Or, rather, an old shopping district with something actually in it now!
This is Clover County. It surrounds Pine Valley, Centreborough, and Mount Noble University.
There’s also something named after it. I forget what.
Anyway, in my very first chapter (the rewritten version) I promised something here in like sixty-five Sim years. Well, guess what?
Welcome to Cloveroute.
A couple of those are tiny little houses, but the rest are immaculately-detailed little community lots.
I’m super proud of it.
Bet we don’t go there for ages.
You call that a family.
Penny: Our door is broken.
Looks pretty serious.
Penny: Please don’t fix it. Jerome is trapped inside.
Jerome: I’ve been trapped for years.
Penny: I will shoot the first person who tries to let him out.
Jerome: I never noticed those flowers had a note attached before.
That’s probably for the best.
Jerome: Hmm. Solve a mystery, or pick up junk. What a dilemma.
You might want to hurry up and get out of here.
Jerome: Aw! Andrew Murphy gave us this! To commemorate our wedding no doubt.
What’s it say?
Jerome: “Dear Penny,” and then there’s a poem! “Romance bloomed between us / As this single flower shows / And as I think of you, my sweet / My longing for you grows.”
Jerome: He must be writing in character, as me.
Jerome: Why aren’t you responding?
Jerome: THAT’S WHY SHE KNEW MY DICK WAS SMALL
Jerome: SHE WAS COMPAR-AR-ARING!
ARE YOU CIRCUMNAVIGATING THE GLOBE OR SOMETHING JESUS
Jerome: I thought she enjoyed our adversarial relationship!
Maybe she finally found an actually worthy adversary.
Shiloh: What a loser. Go eat him.
Jerome: I’LL KILL YOU ALL
Penny: I always knew he was unstable.
Jerome: Why would anyone leave evidence of their infidelity just lying around? That’s stupid.
Maybe she gets an erotic thrill out of it.
“Cecilia”: I know I do.
Jerome: Well, enough is enough.
Jerome: Strongly-worded complaint.
If she sees that, though, I’m still thinking divorce.
Jerome: I’m tempted to shove it in her face.
Violence is never the answer.
Jerome: Are you kidding? In this neighbourhood?!
Jerome: PENNY’S CHEATING ON ME
Jane: Um, yeah? Thanks for the tip, Deep Throat.
Jerome: That’s what she said.
Jane: It’s not a very good one.
Jerome: It’s my first, be gentle.
Jerome: Oh, good! Let’s play “Whose Affair Is It Anyway?”
Jane: I’m guessing hers.
Jerome: I have many female suitors.
Jane: Do they know?
Jerome: Oh! Hey. What was that for?
Jane: It’s getting awkward now.
Jerome: Give me an inch, I’ll take four.
Jane: Any woman would be proud to have you, Jerome.
Jerome: You really think so?
Jane: As long as they’ve never been with a healthily-developed man, and have no access to the internet.
Jerome: You’re saying I should date townies.
Jane: Yes! But definitely not me.
Jerome: Thanks for the pep talk, secret agent lady! I really appreciate it.
Jane: Us plain folks gots to stick together.
Jerome: Pff! Plain your ass.
Jerome: Again, that could have been phrased better.
Jerome: Is this even my kid.
Look how fail she’s being! She must be.
I want desperately to believe that I took this pic to remind myself who this guy was.
Jerome: Yeah, kid… sorry for all the me you’ve got in you.
That’s what he said!
Jerome: He’s a pedophile, then, is he?
Jerome: You’d like that, wouldn’t you.
Jerome: I don’t know if Shiloh’s my real daughter, but I know for sure you aren’t my dog.
There’s the happy owner herself!
Penny: Do I look happy?
Penny: ‘CUZ I AM
Penny: OR MAYBE NOT
Sandy: It’s the mood swings that make her such an effective interrogator.
Unfortunately they’ve got a more biological than psychological source.
Don’t ever change, Iris.
Your clothes, anyway.
Iris: COME TO THE DEEPS WITH ME
Sandy: You just overshot “terrifying” by so much, I don’t think I even care.
Iris: I really appreciate that! According to the math up there, anyway.
Yeah, those are definitely casual calling-on-the-neighbours clothes.
Jerome: I think there’s a hot woman under there.
Iris: Don’t expect to find out.
Sandy: Oh ho hoh! Here’s the man I’ve heard so much about!
Jerome: She must have left out some parts.
Sandy: You mean the parts about your parts? Nah, that’s my secret fetish.
Jerome: Acceptance is mine.
Sandy: How are you doing that?!
Penny: If anyone has any suggestions about how to further ruin my hotness, please don’t hesitate to mention them.
Jerome: Wanna help me make grilled cheese?
Penny: Any other suggestions?
Sandy: What did you do to that dog?!
Iris: The sea has many mysteries.
Jerome: How come you’ve still got that diving suit on?
Iris: The land has many mysteries, too.
Jerome: Hey, look! Look! I’m doing my amazing no-sandwiches-on-the-floor trick!
Sandy: You either used too much butter or too little.
Sandy: I’m glad you didn’t salt these, I’m getting enough atmospheric salt from sitting next to Captain Nemo here.
Sometimes I want to ask the version of myself who took these pictures in 2011 what precisely he wanted me to do with them.
Sandy: I find all boring people attractive. I think it all started when I got a vaginal concussion from a rollercoaster accident in my twenties.
Penny: She’s a lot of fun at parties.
Iris: Vaginal concussions aren’t a thing. You just have terrible taste.
Sandy: Do you think I have terrible taste, Penny?
Iris: SHE MARRIED JEROME SHE DOESN’T GET A VOTE
Penny: I only married him so that when I finally get fed up with him I can go through legal procedures to finish things.
Sandy: Who is that masked and suited woman?!
Penny: I dunno. A really dedicated plumber?
Jerome: Will you always love me, no matter what?
Shiloh: What? No!
Sandy: Back upstairs, hunkychunks, I gots to speaks with yous.
Jerome: You’re very nice but I need to go downstairs!
Sandy: I’ll go downstairs on you if you go downstairs on me.
Sandy: Penny thought you needed some new friends. Immoral ones.
Jerome: What a coincidence! Penny needs to get a new house.
Penny: This is my house.
Jerome: Then you need to get me one.
Jerome: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WITH ANDREW!
Penny: Oh, please! We did so many things together, you couldn’t possibly know them all.
Jerome: All this time I’ve been taking care of us, and you’ve been going behind my back!
Penny: WELL YOU’RE ALWAYS FACING THE WRONG WAY!
Penny: I’m just not that into you, Jerome.
Jerome: That would have been useful information before we got married and had a kid. Or, what, multiple kids now?
Penny: Nope. This one’s either Andrew’s or Stephen’s.
Jerome: Stephen? Stephen Murphy? Fantastic! You’ve got a Murphy fetish.
Jerome: Maybe you should get into the Paranormal career, resurrect the dead ones and start in on them.
Penny: It’s not my fault nobody finds you attractive.
Jerome: Nobody, eh? These flowers might disagree.
Sandy: Nice try, Jerome! But flowers aren’t sentient. Didn’t you know that?
Penny: The fuck? These are from Cecilia Phelps! HOW DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT INTERESTING?!
Sandy: Maybe he’s fine, and you’re just a bitch?
Jerome: Yeah, what she said!
Penny: IT’S JUST NOT POSSIBLE
Abigail: Hey Jerome, is Penny available to talk?
Jerome: Gonna offer some more of your sons to her?
Abigail: Why, does she want some? ‘cuz I can provide.
Penny: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I’M UPSET
Jerome: Hey stupid! Abigail’s on the phone! Should I tell her you’re too busy blubbering?
Penny: What do you want?
Abigail: I’m calling on behalf of the rest of the street. We all agree you guys need to shut the fuck up.
Penny: If you want to know what’s going on, just ask Andrew.
Abigail: This was his idea. He can’t get it up with Chelsea when he can hear you crying from across the street!
Iris: I am trained for these sorts of situations.
Iris: “Hi! I’m Mrs. Sluttyfur! I pretend to catch bad people, but I actually am bad people!”
Iris: “I just threw evvvvverything away because I can’t keep other people’s dicks in their pants!”
Iris: “And I’m too stupid to answer the phone when it rings! Boo hoo hoo I’m gonna cry some more.“
Iris: Mrs. Sluttyfur is a metaphor for you.
Jerome: That was amazing.
Sandy: It’s not the only thing.
Penny: Where did I go wrong?!
Sandy: I’m guessing it was the haircut.
Penny: Out of my house, both of you.
Shiloh: Mrs. Sluttyfur! I thought you were out chasing criminals!
Jerome: I’m sleeping in here tonight, kiddo.
Shiloh: You might be laying in here, but good luck with the “sleep” part.
From this angle, if it weren’t for the bowleggedness and the lurching, you’d almost look non-pregnant!
Penny: I’m used to giving conditional compliments, not receiving them.
This is why cats.
Chief: .oO(And this is why dogs.)
WHY ARE YOU RINGING THE DOORBELL
“Cecilia”: I wanted to tell them that I, personally, enjoyed all the screaming and crying from earlier.
“Cecilia”: You wouldn’t attack a pregnant woman, would you?
Chief: .oO(Sure! But not a pregnant serial killer.)
“Cecilia”: You’ve got a good self-preservation instinct, doggy.
Chief: .oO(I’ve got good stinks in general!)
“Cecilia”: I’m pretending to be someone I’m not, doggy.
Chief: .oO(So pretend to be my owner.)
NOT THE CAMERA NOT THE CAMERA!
You’re a bit late on that one.
KINDA LIKE YOUR PERIOD HAHAHAHA
Jerome: Low blow, buddy.
It looks like one part of you got a rise out of it!
Jerome: I’m not sure I want to raise another man’s child.
Why is that even an option you’re considering?
Jerome: In all the excitement yesterday, I forgot what a cowardly wuss I am.
Jerome: …I think I need to sponge myself now.
Penny: Nobody else is gonna do it for him.
Jerome: Okay, that does it.
Jerome: Nobody, huh? You mean other than the two hot women who want my dick?
Penny: Your tiny dick, and it’s only one woman. I don’t want it.
Jerome: Oh, I wasn’t referring to you.
Jerome: …aren’t you gonna ask who the other girl is?
Penny: And expose the poor thing to further shame?
Jerome: I want you to ask me about my infidelity.
Penny: And I want you to understand how little your wants mean to me.
That was cheerful.
Next time: I try to fix boring characters with slightly less-boring ones.
It doesn’t really work.