Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Monday, Wednesday and Friday every week!
Warning: things happen.
I see we have a party today.
Charles: Hello, Ms. White!
Daisy: What’s that faint buzzing sound, Melanie?
Melanie: That’s my boyfriend, Charles.
Daisy: Kind of a step down from your husband, isn’t he? Or, rather, an entire staircase.
Iris: We have visitors, ugly. In need of our help.
Kaylynn: I can’t wait to “help” Melanie the way she “helped” me.
Melanie: I have a bad feeling about this.
Nonsense! Who’d want to hurt you? Besides everyone.
Daisy: You guys can stay at my house until you find your own place.
Charles: I’m not sure that’s such a hot idea.
Daisy: There’s that buzzing again.
Daisy: Thanks for sending me all of William’s money!
Melanie: It’s my money too.
Daisy: Oh yeah? How much does Zombie Queening pay, anyway?
Charles: I like her, she’s mean.
Melanie: She has to be! She plays Cecilia Phelps on TV!
Daisy: And other places too.
Iris: I thought you knew what you were doing.
Kaylynn: I’m a natural zombie, but I’m not up on the literature anymore.
Daisy: You guys can stay in Poppy’s old room! It’s the one beside the kitchen.
Melanie: I’m not sure we want to share a bed.
Daisy: Wait’ll the end of the day to see if that still matters.
Melanie: You think Charles and I will have that good a relationship after just one more day?
Daisy: Or, you know, other stuff might happen.
Melanie: What have you got down here?
Daisy: Your future.
Daisy: Specifically it’s in the room to your left at the base of the stairs.
Iris: Oh, you guys should totally check that room out, it’s got awesome stuff in it.
Charles: What kind of stuff?
Iris: Anybody else hear a weird sort of ringing noise?
Melanie: I think this is the wrong room, Daisy’s mom! My future’s not in here.
Kaylynn: Your past is.
Kaylynn: And your past is pissed.
Charles: Literally, by the smell of it.
Kaylynn: Should I smother him with a pillow or save him for a midnight snack?
Daisy: Step 3: profit!
Melanie: I hate to break this to you, Charles, but we’re both going to die now.
Kaylynn: It gets better after that.
Charles: How much better?
Kaylynn: Depends on how much you like brains.
Melanie: Some of us have acquired quite a taste for them.
Kaylynn: You first, meatsack!
Melanie: I’m sorry, Charles, but it’s for the worst.
Melanie: Don’t struggle.
Charles: They lured us into a trap!
Kaylynn: What’s the point of having one if you can’t lure people into it?!
Charles: I’ll punch you in the boobs for this betrayal!
Melanie: Hey, this wasn’t my idea. I’m just inclined to resign myself to it.
Melanie: Hey, your eating time’s improved!
Kaylynn: I’ve been practicing for the main course.
Charles: SHE LITERALLY ATE PARTS OF ME
Melanie: You’ll be surprised how many parts are superfluous once you’re dead.
Charles: Which is now apparently.
Melanie: Look, I know you’re mad about how the whole zombie apocalypse thing turned out, but you don’t have to do this! You can have that kid you always wanted!
Kaylynn: Or I could take over the world and eat all the kids I want!
Kaylynn: EITHER WAY YOU DESERVE THIS
Melanie: I totally do.
Melanie: I guess royalty is forever.
Kaylynn: BUT I’M THE QUEEN OF YOUR ASS NOW, BITCH!
Kaylynn: Nobody’s ever beaten you in single combat!
Melanie: It’s the single part that did it! If I was wearing my shirt and pants you’d be floor paste.
All hail, Queen of the Zombies.
The Queen is dead! Long dead the Queen.
Charles: I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA HAVE SEX LATER
Kaylynn: All that whining isn’t gonna help.
Melanie: This look isn’t really working for me.
It’s kinda hot, actually.
Melanie: Know what’s hotter?
Melanie: Hot pink.
Melanie: Every good supervillain costume has to evolve with the times.
Kaylynn: I am not gonna sit here in this claustrophobic, airless hellhole with a mopey little crybaby!
Charles: IT’S MY DEATH AND I’LL CRY IF I WANT TO
Kaylynn: Until your tear ducts decay, anyway.
Charles: YOU’RE MAKING THAT UP
Iris: Looking good, Melanie.
Melanie: Lacks a certain something though.
Iris: Daisy stole this from the SCIA.
Melanie: What is it?
Iris: A white box with a pretty red bow, what’s it look like?
Melanie: And in the box?
Iris: Can’t you smell the blood and pus?
Melanie: YOU FOUND MY OLD CLOTHES?!
Iris: I’ll turn around while you change, I don’t need to see what that looks like naked.
Iris: VERY nice. I hear half the country quakes at the sight of those pink cargo pants.
Melanie: Now we can work on the other half.
Iris: Isn’t Melanie stunning, Kaylynn?
Kaylynn: I like my uniform better.
Kaylynn: This lacks a certain originality, you know?
Getting the band back together?
Kaylynn: Even better! Starting a new one.
Melanie: Nobody’s noticed we’re missing yet.
Charles: How do you know? You can’t get the future news from here!
Melanie: You’re NOT from the future, Charles.
Charles: Well, of course not! Where I come from, we call it the present.
Kaylynn: Send me the first playable zombie you can find!
Kaylynn: BUT PREFERABLY NOT ONE I ZOMBIFIED
Iris: What’s a band without squabbling?
Melanie: Oh, stop blubbering.
Charles: I’M GETTING IT DONE WHILE I STILL CAN
Sunny: Hey hey hey! It’s a blast from the past!
Kaylynn: Nobody remembers you.
Sunny: That’s what the blast is for!
Kaylynn: Look, I’m sorry I ate your brains and made William murder you.
Sunny: How is William?
Kaylynn: I think we’re planning to eat his brains and murder him.
Sunny: That has a certain symmetry to it!
Kaylynn: Traditionally there’s four Zombie Bitches of the Apocalypse. Feel free to pick a fourth for us.
Sunny: I thought one of the original four was a dude.
Kaylynn: You knew Don, though? Total bitch, that guy.
Sunny: I’ve always wanted to do something with my death.
Melanie: WHAT are you doing.
Charles: Your ass! It looks phenomenal in those pants!
Melanie: Well duh! All shall love me and despair!
Charles: Also you’re clipping through the desk.
Sunny: I like the blue hair, but the blue skin just isn’t me.
Sunny: Zombies! They are not very good.
Melanie: Just like old times!
Charles: I HATE THESE OLD TIMES
Melanie: Welcome to the group, Sunny!
Sunny: Thanks, I guess. Kaylynn said to pick a fourth but it turns out I’ve been dead for decades and I don’t know who else is.
Melanie: Didn’t meet anyone interesting in hell?
Sunny: I didn’t go to hell.
Iris: Well, you’re there now.
Melanie: I have one person in mind, but I think they’re still alive.
Eh, in this county it’s worth checking regularly.
Melanie: Hey Grims! I’m looking for famous zombies. Is that stupid one who kept getting shot to death still there? No, not Kaylynn, the other one.
Melanie: You were the bitch two doors down?! I thought you looked familiar!
Lora: This has been a worse than usual week.
Lora: Melanie! What the fuck! You’re a zombie!
Melanie: That’s like saying “Sean Connery! What the fuck! You’re James Bond.“
Lora: SEAN CONNERY’S TOO OLD TO PLAY JAMES BOND NOW
Melanie: But luckily, you’re never too old to die!
Is that a James Bond movie? Because it sounds like one.
Lora: I hated being a zombie. People kept manipulating me and killing me and I was stuck in a basement with Bradley for so long that I almost thought I liked him.
Melanie: Not just Bradley! Kaylynn too! She’s here.
Melanie: TRY TO LEAVE AND I’LL CUT OFF YOUR FEET
Lora: Fat lot of good I’d be to you then!
Melanie: “OOH LOOK MUMMY, THAT ZOMBIE’S GOT NO FEET! WE’LL CALL HER STUMPY.”
Lora: I’m not working with Kaylynn! She’s a fucking psychopath!
Melanie: You would be too if you’d died a dozen times!
Lora: I WAS JUST DEAD A MINUTE AGO
Melanie: The “good guys” shot us and killed us and locked us in basements because they were scared. This time we scare them to death.
Lora: I’m in.
Charles: I’m flattered by the imitation! It seems really sincere.
Kaylynn: Lora can be Stumpy, I’m gonna be Soapy.
Sunny: I’ll just be Sunny.
Or maybe Dopey.
Melanie: Queeny will do.
Lora: This is fun!
Lora: Guess I’ll be Stinky.
Sunny: I wasn’t alive for this Apocalypse that apparently happened. How did it go?
Lora: At first there was panic, then there were machineguns, then we basically got curbstomped.
Melanie: Some of us got normal lives afterward!
Lora: And some of them sucked.
Kaylynn: Maybe I’ll be Nudey instead.
Skinny! Double entendre!
Kaylynn: I HATE THOSE
Sam: I want to taste your boobs.
Kaylynn: So, Iris! How come you and Daisy are planning to kill everyone?
Iris: And also hatred.
Kaylynn: We’ve got a pretty winning team, I bet they won’t even know what hit them!
Iris: That’s nice.
Kaylynn: We’ll be eating babies by next week!
Iris: That’s… nice.
Lexie: SOMEBODY ACKNOWLEDGE ME
Andrea: Shit! That was the last experience point I needed!
Andrea: I’m not sure I want to be self-aware at this juncture.
Andrea: STOP POINTING IT’S RUDE
So… gonna age up, or what?
Andrea: If I turn out ugly, will you make me a serial killer like you did with my mom?
Andrea: Promise you’ll do it even if I don’t?
GROW UP ALREADY
Andrea: I’m enjoying all the matching colours around here.
Kaylynn: I WILL EAT YOU
Andrea: Okay fine.
Andrea: Ew what?
Nothing, that’s just the sound the game makes.
Andrea: I’m adorable!
Kaylynn: You’re delectable.
Kaylynn: Just kidding. For now.
Andrea: Sure is safe around here.
Andrea: EAT GRANDMA SHE’S BIGGER
Sam: SWEET NAKED HOTZOMBIES!
Charles: YOU’RE NOT A LITERAL BAND
Sunny: Fada soola gor!
Melanie: Fada soola bron!
Charles: Are you intentionally excluding the actual cheerleader from this?
Sam: You’ve got a zombie army breeding in your basement. I don’t have a spray for that.
Daisy: How appropriate! Because I’ve just become a director.
Daisy: Who knew you could make so much money playing yourself?
Andrea: Mommy! You’re home! Deal with the zombies.
Yeah, they’re really…
Zombies! Feared denizens of darkness! Sadistic masters of the underworld!
Kaylynn: We’ll need to pick a day with good weather. I’m not taking over the world with a soggy mohawk.
Daisy: Lookin’ good, nudey!
Kaylynn: How did you know my nickname?
Daisy: What nickname?
Kaylynn: You’re not gonna lock us in there again, are you?
Daisy: Don’t be ridiculous! That’s urn storage now.
Daisy: We’ve got lots of storage around the house lately.
Iris: Maybe we should rethink this whole thing. Get out of town for a while.
Daisy: The last time you got out of town, dad immediately found a new wife and then she killed you.
Iris: Your dad was with me on that trip. It was our honeymoon.
Daisy: Yeah, but he was probably thinkin’ about it the whole time.
Sunny: KEEP THE CONTINUITY DOWN
Sunny: And also that racket.
You guys really are coming off as a terrifying army of darkness, you know.
Andrea: You can’t smell them.
Daisy: I forgot it was Andrea’s birthday today!
Iris: It’s okay, I told her the zombies were for her.
Daisy: They basically are.
Andrea’s new bedroom lacks a certain something.
And that certain something is a door.
Iris: SERIOUSLY! How did you forget the door? HOW DID YOU BUILD IT without a door?
Daisy: ‘cuz it’s not like I can teleport right.
Daisy: Speaking of which, I need to teach you how to teleport.
Daisy: Basically, you just… um… teleport.
Andrea: These instructions are very detailed.
Daisy: I dunno how it works, it just does.
Daisy: I lean down like this and whisper something.
Daisy: And then we do this.
Daisy: And now you can teleport.
Daisy: Just do a backflip and it’ll happen!
Andrea: THAT’s the secret! Everyone can teleport, but nobody ever thinks to backflip!
Daisy: I really hope there’s more to it than that.
Daisy: But the evidence is convincing.
Kelsey: Why am I still a baby?
Andrea: I am already considering whether to rob the toy or candy store first.
Andrea: …so this is a joyless death-warren.
It’s amazing what electric light can do.
Andrea: How did grandpa do this?!
He stayed very flexible in his old age, due to all those chicks he insisted on fucking.
Andrea: Hi, birthday slaves!
Andrea: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KOWTOW
Andrea: Oh no, you’re multiplying! And you’re terrible at piano.
Daisy: I notice you shoot this from a different angle for adults.
I don’t want to see kids in the bath.
Daisy: It’s pretty rude to do this to anyone though.
But with adults there are rewards for the rudeness!
Sunny: CUT IT OUT, MELANIE! I swear your awful piano playing is actually producing smoke.
Sunny: And an awful high-pitched whine!
Andrea: How come teleporting makes a whiny whistling noise?
Daisy: Yeah, it’s hardly even worth it, right?
Daisy: So, how do you like unlimited power?
Andrea: I want more.
Charles: IT FEELS FUNNY ON MY CHEEKS
Kaylynn: HAHA YOU’RE AN IDIOT
Alvin: I want to show Iris what a great time I had!
Now is not the best time.
Alvin: There’s no time like the present!
CLICHÉS AREN’T AUTOMATICALLY TRUE
Ooh, you got her a new kidnappin’ sack! She’ll love it.
Those sacks must be great for moving day.
Alvin: Why am I coming in here.
I DON’T KNOW
Alvin: I’m tight with Iris, she won’t be mad.
No, but she will mourn you!
Alvin: I’m sorry please don’t tell
Kelsey: Bad yellow man came!
Andrea: Don’t be racist.
Kelsey: Bad yellow-shirted man!
Andrea: Yeah, he’s totally poop.
Alvin: That’s what my daughter used to say! Before the Social Worker took her.
Andrea is gone, but her poop remains.
Oh no, you can’t speak!
Go back upstairs and get your speech bubble back!
Charles: So, I’m pretty sure we need to eat some people now.
Kaylynn: We can eat normal food too.
Charles: If we’re already ZOMBIES, what’s the point?
Melanie: It’s been a while since I had an army. It feels nostalgic.
Pretty fucking stupid army, though.
Charles: WHAT KAYLYNN I CAN’T SEE OR HEAR YOU
Charles: Now that we’re away from prying eyes…
Kaylynn: Nobody’s hit on me in decades.
Charles: With those teeth, no wonder.
Kaylynn: WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY TEETH
Charles: Nothing that isn’t wrong with your figure, too!
Kaylynn: Now I know you’re shitting me, I’ve got a bitchin’ figure.
Charles: Situation defused.
Kaylynn: TICKLE FIGHT
Charles: I CAN’T FEEL IT
Kaylynn: STILL TRADITIONAL
Kaylynn: I once saw a guy beat a woman in public. He died later.
Charles: You’re so smart!
Kaylynn: I once watched a whole day’s worth of TV!
Charles: I must have you.
Charles: We’re touching, right? I can’t feel shit.
Kaylynn: Speaking of which, go to the bathroom every once in a while, whether you think you need to or not. Better safe than stinky.
Kaylynn: So, as far as zombie women go, I’m pretty fuckin’ great, huh?
Charles: You’d be pretty great at fuckin’, anyway. ‘cuz I hear you were a cheerleader.
Charles: This is awful.
Kaylynn: It doesn’t get better, but you do almost get used to it.
Charles: I… I just can’t. Zombie cooties are awful. Can we still be friends?
Kaylynn: Friends? With you?!
Kaylynn: I’d rather die again.
Kaylynn: I was a cheerleader for fuck’s sake.
Charles: This unlocks from the inside, right?
It would in any other house.
Lora: Getting along well with Charles?
Kaylynn: I already had a bath, but I feel like I need a shower.
Lora: Hey, that looked fun.
Kaylynn: The best part is, it’s so loud you can’t hear the piano!
Melanie: Hey, fuck you guys.
Kaylynn: Alright fuckers, photo op!
Lora: I hope you brought a lot of makeup.
Melanie: We look fierce. Don’t be ashamed of your beautiful zombie bodies!
Kaylynn: We look like shit.
Melanie: Scary shit, though!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present Melanie and the Moaners.
Daisy: Don’t forget their stage manager!
Daisy: The safest place is behind the scenes.
Kaylynn: Dat ass!
Lora: Get your head off my shoulder?
Kaylynn: Give it a starting push?
Sunny: So this is the person who’s organizing us?
Kaylynn: She’s scarier than she looks.
Lora: Anyone who would dress like that already scares the piss out of me.
Daisy: We’re going to scare the piss out of everyone, ladies.
Daisy: The last apocalypse failed because it was undirected. I aim to change that.
Melanie: We did pretty well for ourselves, I thought.
Daisy: You only killed half the neighbourhood! That’s easy enough math even for your rotten brain.
Lora: So you brought us back to finish the job? Why?
Daisy: I hate to see a good killing spree cut short.
Kaylynn: There’s a reason nobody’s tried resurrecting the zombies before. The SCIA have this weird thing where they shoot anyone trying to eat anyone else’s brains.
Kaylynn: Why am I best friends with you.
Lora: WHY AM I BEST FRIENDS WITH YOU?!?!
Iris: Why am I even here.
Daisy: There’s an art to this. I should know! I’m a highly dangerous criminal.
Melanie: Yeah, on TV.
Daisy: I’m a method actor, though.
Daisy: Trust me. We do this my way, and William Sharpe won’t know what hit him.
Andrea: I was trying to teleport into the bathroom.
Kelsey: Can’t. Grandma’s in there.
Sam: Even a baby knows that! This baby.
Melanie: William wrote the book on zombie fighting. He’s a match for any one zombie you can throw at him! He even got me a few times, even distracted as he was by my perfect ass!
Melanie: We had all the art we needed. What we didn’t have was numbers.
Andrea: And what you don’t have is this thing I just took from you.
Andrea: Part of my bitch training.
Andrea: Even with those gloves, you’ve got opposable thumbs! Try harder!
Andrea: Don’t make me kick you, wussbag.
Daisy: It’s not even about numbers, Melanie. You need to swarm the fucker. Hit him from all sides! Get an entire crowd against him, and rip his nine-inch dick off.
Daisy: But keep the dick, because seriously, nine inches. Jesus.
Sam: This was the wrong moment to walk in, wasn’t it.
Sunny: Daisy’s right. If we don’t take William down, this will all be a bust.
Sam: Mmm, zombie bust.
Sam: Don’t mind me.
Andrea: I can’t even look at you right now.
Iris: WORK BRINGS DIGNITY
Daisy: Excuse me a moment, I have a butler to sack.
Daisy: By which I mean I’m going to cut off his sack.
Sam: I keep catching the tail ends of these statements, and they sound awful.
Daisy: You’ve heard too much, Sam.
Sam: Luckily I’ve understood too little!
Sam: Look at me, doing important jobs!
Daisy: Zombies can do that without wincing.
Sam: But zombies are gross.
Iris: PAY ATTENTION TO ME
Kelsey: Scuba monsters aren’t real!
Daisy: You’re making this harder than it has to be.
Sam: That’s what he said!
Sam: No, these were gay dudes.
Lora: One of these things is not like the other.
Sam: I forgot that I’m not a girl or a zombie!
Daisy: I can help you on the way to one of those things.
Daisy: IF YOU’LL FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE ME ALREADY
Sam: Not a lot in it for me, though, is there?
Daisy: It is such a turn-off that you’re not cooperating MOM WHAT ARE YOU WEARING
Iris: I’m teaching Kelsey about life and death in my scuba gear!
Daisy: THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN EXPLANATION TO YOU HUH
Kelsey: Ohhh somebody gon’ get whucked.
Daisy: Put that down, I need to kill you.
Sam: Well maybe I need to cook this fucking food! You ever think of that?!
Sam: No wonder my dad became a serial scuzzbag.
Sam: Fine, I’m quitting! No more butler Sam!
Daisy: No more Sam period.
Sam: Don’t send me to hell! DON’T SEND ME TO HELL!
Sam: …my dad’s there.
Sam: Thanks for the tip, Foley.
Sunny: If I had a twin sister, I bet her name would be Moony.
Daisy: They’re going to pieces down there.
The Grim Reaper: STITCHES SHOULD FIX THAT.
The Grim Reaper: GO AHEAD, I GOT THIS.
Daisy: Gonna have a lot more work for you in a few days.
The Grim Reaper: GREAT. I CAN AFFORD THAT NEW NOTHING I WANT.
Daisy: Stop sobbing, mom, you’ll drown.
Kaylynn: Sure, take all night, we’re all perfectly happy listening to Moon Unit babble on about her stupid name.
Daisy: Yeah, who picked Sunny anyway? She’s a total mouth-breather.
Sunny: WELL NOW THAT WE DON’T BREATHE I DON’T SEE WHY IT’S AN ISSUE
Kaylynn: Anyway, she was William’s girl at university, right? That’s our magic ticket to throwing him off his game!
Daisy: Too many metaphors in one sentence. And anyway, he machinegunned Sunny the moment he saw she was a zombie, so your logic is also flawed.
Melanie: That’s how he shows affection, in my experience!
Daisy: I guess every little bit helps. This group ought to rattle him at least a bit, I think only one person in this room hasn’t fucked him at least once.
Lora: Hey, I’m still game!
The Grim Reaper: FLAP, YOU STUPID BIRD! FLAP!
Daisy: It’s going to take a near miracle to do this, but I think I have the solution.
Sunny: We could lure him into the basement and kill him.
Lora: Speaking for the three of us who’ve been killed in basements ourselves: fuck you.
Daisy: Now hear me.
Kaylynn: Go on, then. Where do you think we can raise a whole crowd of zombies under William Sharpe’s nose, and then bite that nose off?
Daisy: In precisely the place where a whole crowd of zombies wouldn’t look out of place.
Daisy: The Apocalypse Museum.
Next time: prostitutes.
Hey, that was a lot of plot all at once! You need a break.