Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
And now for something completely short.
But first, something that’s too long.
Like William’s penis.
Got the double life blues?
“Cecilia”: When I decided to reveal who I really am, I should have picked someone with more than one brain cell above his penis to reveal it to.
William: My penis is tingling, someone is talking about it.
“Cecilia”: I think I’m carrying William’s baby.
Is exactly what someone masquerading as his half-sister shouldn’t be saying in public.
“Cecilia”: That’s part of the reason I want him to find me out. I’m actually starting to like him.
Man, first Abigail, now you… everyone’s sick on this side of the street!
“Cecilia”: It’s lovesickness.
William: I have some antibiotics that’ll clear that right up for you.
“Cecilia”: I realize that’s a situational joke, but is it also true?
William: You don’t screw into the double digits without collecting a respectable pharmacopia, honey.
Clay: Did I just see you kissing your brother?
“Cecilia”: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THING TRIGGERED THIS BARF
It’s probably the pregnancy, that’s why it was so sudden. You have to really think about stressors, like how you’re living a lie and the man you’re banging will arrest you if he finds out, for them to trigger your gag reflex.
“Cecilia”: THANKS FOR THE PRACTICAL DEMONSTRATION YES
Kendra: I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is “affordable.”
Clay: Let me go borrow some of that guy’s pharmacopia.
“Cecilia”: Hey, is this Stephen Murphy? Hey. I’m Vic-… Vic! Vic! Man, got some serious Viccups today! Vic! Anyway, I’m Cecilia Phelps. My son Nick met your granddaughter at school the other day, and I want you to tell me all kinds of terrible things about her. Vic!
Stephen: I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to her.
“Cecilia”: Even though she’s your only granddaughter?!
Stephen: Her mother was a zombie. I’m afraid to see what that did to my perfect genetics.
Nature! The wonder and the horror.
“Cecilia”: Well anyway, I’m just getting to know my neighbours!
Stephen: I’m a painter. I could paint you sometime.
“Cecilia”: No thanks, my skin is sensitive.
Nick: Bye, bus-dweller!
Gina: Sure can’t ever leave!
Nathaniel: Hey, you’ve got those horrifying butterflies here! But where’s that wonderful skunk you promised me?
“Cecilia”: Good day at school?
Nick: Angelica kept turning red and running away whenever she saw me. So, yeah, actually, it went really well!
Nathaniel: Angie’s usually a lot more composed than that. She might have a crush on you!
Nick: That’s an accusation so vile she deserves the chance to defend herself from it.
Nick: Hey, four-eyes? I’ve kidnapped your brother. Just try and get him back alive.
Nathaniel: Today we learned there are eight planets in the solar system!
“Cecilia”: In the only setting where adults wouldn’t scream and yell about Pluto, too!
Nathaniel: The dwarf planet? Who cares!
“Cecilia”: I just realized that the coming generation won’t be stuck on the same stupid shit we’re stuck on!
They’ll find their own stupid shit, though.
Nathaniel: We also learned Eve and Duna are the closest planets to us, while Eeloo is the furthest!
Vicki: …did you just play Kerbal Space Program all day at school?
Nathaniel: I had to! That contract to plant a flag on the Mün was about to expire!
Nathaniel: BUY IT ON STEAM IF YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF IT
Cecilia: We shouldn’t be encouraging people to stop reading the journal, though.
Nathaniel: Nah! If our audience played video games, they’d never put up with this abysmal static crap.
Nick: VIDEO GAMES SOUND GOOD RIGHT NOW
“Cecilia”: Hahaha! You just wasted like a tenth of this update talking about a video game!
Nathaniel: We’re a real webcomic now!
Nick: This is my impression of this update.
Nathaniel: This is my impression of you without your huge glasses.
Angelica: This is my impression of pressing an invisible doorbell.
Nick: Wow, you found our invisible doorbell! You’re not a stupid as your hair!
Nick: How come you wouldn’t go near me at school today? Did you find a new friend?
Angelica: Um… yes. A whole bunch of them! All cuter than you.
Angelica: You’re basically a rat.
Nick: WELL YOU’RE FAT!
Joy: I THINK SOMEBODY’S DOING A CHEER
Angelica: What team would you be on? The Ugly City Bugs?!
Nathaniel: I LOVE THIS PART
Nick: How come your sister doesn’t hate you?
Nathaniel: I’m not smart or interesting enough.
Nathaniel: Visiting is the same as living here, pretty sure this is my food.
Angelica: May I have some?
“Cecilia”: Did you ask Gomez first, Wednesday?
Angelica: I don’t know who Gomez is, but WEDNESDAY is a robot.
Nick: Oh no, it’s Glasses Girl! Come to arrest me for kidnapping her sidekick, Lard Lad!
Angelica: He needed his insulin! You almost sent him into diabetic shock, you villain.
Angelica: AND FOR THAT YOU DIE
Nick: NOT IF I DIE YOU FIRST
Angelica: You did not just say that.
Nick: Any distraction is a good distraction!
Angelica: If I’d known your grammar was that poor I’d have brought a real gun.
Nick: Those stupid pistols your grandma makes that turn people into flies? They don’t work on kids!
Angelica: I live with army Bigfoot! Army Bigfoot would help me kill you, loser.
Nathaniel: Invite me to the wedding, you guys.
Angelica: If I marry this dweeb, kill me before we breed.
Nick: No court would convict your killer.
Angelica: And I’ll be all freed up to haunt you.
Angelica: …that was kinda fun.
Nick: Oh my god she’s being human I’m having a stroke.
Angelica: Of course you are! Nobody else is gonna stroke you.
Nick: Take me to the hospital!
Angelica: Only when I put you in it.
Nick: Gonna put you in it. When I put a baby in you.
Wake up, your kid’s being creepy.
“Cecilia”: I can see that in the daytime.
Nick: You think Angelica will like me better if I get my grades up?
Yes, because what smart people like best is competition.
“Cecilia”: .oO(I hope he’s gay for that nice nerd boy.)
Nick: ASSIGNING GENDER PREFERENCE IS NOT LESS OFFENSIVE WHEN IT’S HOMOSEXUALITY.
Very few of these images are captioned the way I originally intended.
And this bathroom is pink.
Nick: .oO(I wish I had a brother like that.)
“Cecilia”: I’m a light sleeper when people are being ironic nearby.
“Cecilia”: Alright, follow me.
Where are we going?
“Cecilia”: Wherever the camera can’t fit comfortably.
“Cecilia”: Right! Smallest room in the house, facing the wall, go.
“Cecilia”: Those porkchops sure are slow-acting!
“Cecilia”: GUESS WHAT WILLIAM I’M HAVING YOUR BABY
William: Great, now I have to drive to the SCIA in the middle of the night and wipe their automatic record of this conversation. Like I don’t have anyone better to do.
Pregancy clothing: reminding you that you’re not in complete control of your game since 2004!
“Cecilia”: Mmm, eggs!
You eat what you are!
Nick: Now that Chelsea’s gone we can burn all this stuff, right?
“Cecilia”: Hey, gay Opal.
Opal: Why do you call me that?
“Cecilia”: So maybe people might go “oh, it’s that gay old townie woman” and not “hey, who the fuck is Opal?”
Nick: Pretty sure nobody knows who anybody is anymore.
“Cecilia”: I just wanted to talk to a friend.
Opal: A townie friend? This must be something you don’t want any playable characters knowing about.
“Cecilia”: I’M LIVING A LIE AND I’M NOT WHO I AM!
Nick: Even the hand sanitizer in there is electric pink.
“Cecilia”: Look! They made a mistake with this icon! There’s two little pink squares in it.
Nick: Probably Chelsea’s too.
Nick: Is Angelica on there already?
Gina: Don’t know! None of you are real.
Nick: Because we’re just kids?
Gina: Because this is all just a vivid nightmare.
Apparently I like taking this shot of one of Neil’s wives driving to work while pregnant.
Second-weirdest fetish I’ve ever noticed retroactively.
“Cecilia”: Nobody wants to know.
And I don’t want to tell.
Next time: a shocking twist.
Right after a shocking thrust.
And just before a couple of shocking shoves.
No actual shocks, though.