The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 156

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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I ate too much cheese.


I’ve really enjoyed seeing you again, Zombie Queen. I’ve missed you terribly.

Zombie Queen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

Neila: Everything dies!
Victor: Mommy eats them!
Neila: Or daddy shoots them!
Victor: Or mommy eats them then daddy shoots them!

Zombie Queen: PRETTY SURE I’M SAFE FROM THAT

Neila: Everything dies.

…and this is how?

Oh! Cool! There’s a mysterious clippy hellscape behind the mirrors!

Good to know.

William: Maybe I shouldn’t sleep next to this picture of Chelsea anymore.
Cameron: Mmm.
William: THOUGHT BALLOONS CAN’T TALK

If they could, Melanie’s would be screaming.

Like, constantly.

Not that there isn’t enough horror going on here as it is.

William: You take too long to fetch me stuff. It’s walking time.

Neila: I’M GONNA WALK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

William: …what? What did you say?

William: Hahaha I’m totally paying attention to you.

FRIDAY: TRY FUCKING MY ROBOT WIFE ON YOUR GARBAGE CAN NOW

FRIDAY: God, I sound ridiculous.

William: C’mon, Neila. Dudes dig the Moonwalk!

Neila: Gay dudes maybe.

William: Well, you might need to befriend some gay dudes! Since befriending straight ones is impossible.

Zombie Queen: CAN WE GET BACK TO MY IMPENDING DEATH

Zombie Queens never die, they just grow dull.

William: Come on, woman! Suck it up already.

William: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE

Brooke: What’s it like inside?
Mayhew: Any other house, really.
Brooke: No, I mean… inside. Being inside. What’s that like?

William: Alright! That’s my girl! Show gravity what you’re made of!

William: AND I’LL SHOW IT WHO’S BOSS!

William: Finally! Glad we put that to bed oh my god not more.

Mayhew: Where are all those images coming from?

Tests.

Mayhew: Tests for what.

You’ll see.

Mayhew: But will I want to?

William: If I stare at my family long enough I can almost stop imagining Andrew’s wife naked.

William: Suddenly I can’t even picture mine.

Mayhew: Is expensive ruined food better than perfect cheap food?

Mayhew: I’m gonna assume yes.

Neila: Pop it in here and I’ll tell them it came out of me.

William: EVERYTHING IS A DOUBLE ENTRENDRE TODAY

Melanie: Yep.

…Melanie just got a Good Reputation.

Melanie: Yep.

Melanie: The world is moving on, honey!
William: The world is stupid.

Pretty sure nobody’s forgetting who you are, Melanie.

William: Except me.
Melanie: Did this come out of a baby’s butt or something?!

William: Hey, anybody want to come look at the new tower they named after me?
Mayhew: They named it after your mom.
William: That’s the worst “your mom” joke I’ve ever heard.

Melanie: I hear you were working on FRIDAY’s car the other day!
William: Um!
Melanie: Maybe you should do something similar with ours!

William: You’re killing me here, Melanie. And not the way you usually do.

Dude, put some skin on, it’s freezing out here.

Melanie: Want some help washing up?
William: Mmm. Washing.

Melanie: It’s nice doing stuff together again, with nobody coming between us.

William: The only stuff we used to do together was kill people.

Melanie: I miss that.

William: Yeah! Sure! Okay!

William: I’ll just pick this up and GODDAMMIT

William: GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT
Charles: Is that how you say hello in this time period?

Charles: Hey man, pimpin’ ride!
William: IF IT IS I DIDN’T PIMP IT

William:wow. I didn’t know I could use those balloons to block out ugly people!
Charles: It’s what makes most marriages last past fifty!

William: …who the fuck are you, anyway.

Charles: More like who the fuck is this guy. Over my head. In the balloon.

William: Get off my lawn before my wife sees you and wants that haircut.

Melanie: It’s a really great haircut.

Melanie: Does it come in pink?

Charles: It’s so cold out here.
Melanie: You’re not in a dress.

Melanie: I hope!

Melanie: It’s been fun, Zombie Queen.
Zombie Queen: NO DON’T KILL ME
Neila: Everything dies!

Mayhew: You’re leaving.
Melanie: How did you know?
Mayhew: I heard you talking to Daisy on the phone the other day. Oh, and I can read your Action Queue.

Charles: Hey Mr. Sharpe! Mind if I send all your money to ENTROPY? No? Okay!

Gretchen Barrett: You put our name on there in all caps, right? You wouldn’t believe how much of our mail goes to the principle governing disorder in thermodynamic systems.

Charles: How come everyone’s a secret agent but me.

They need someone to keep it a secret from?

What’re you doing?

Melanie: Erasing all his porn. Just out of spite.

Mayhew: Even I wouldn’t go that far, and I’m a secret agent!

Charles: Wait here, the Zombie Queen is coming.
Blazej: That’s not as appealing as you seem to think it is.

Melanie: Take care of yourself, Zombie Queen.
Zombie Queen: You can’t leave! You’re my namesake! They’ll starve me just to spite you!

Melanie: Please don’t starve my parrot.
Mayhew: Hey, everything dies.

Melanie: Usually because of me.

Melanie: It’s been fun, William.

Except for the times he killed you, or the times you killed his parents, or the times you started a state-wide panic and a zombie pandemic?

Melanie: Those were all the fun parts.

Mayhew: WAIT YOU FORGOT YOUR LUGGAGE

Mayhew: I’M AN EXPERT MARKSMAN
Victor: Try getting it in my mouth from behind.

Zombie Queen: That’s what she said! SQUAWK!

Zombie Queen: I’m getting out of here before that monster kills me!

Zombie Queen: This plan… may have been… premature.

Zombie Queen: So… cold… so… cold… I… hate…

Zombie Queen:irony.

Victor: Everything dies!

And we’re fresh out of Zombie Queens.

Mayhew: You call this fresh?!

Mayhew: I’m starting to think that bird really was eating other birds.

Victor: The circle of life!

Neila: DON’T KILL ME LIKE YOU KILLED ZOMBIE QUEEN

Mayhew: Of course not! Drowning is completely different from freezing.

Mayhew: We could try starving you to death, though!
Neila: How would that work?
Mayhew: Can toddlers do stairs?

Neila: CRAP.

Jane: I can’t believe we did that in your car!
William: While I was driving, even!

You blew him while he was driving?

William: Hell no, I don’t play with amateurs. I jerked off and she watched me.

William: In other news, second-floor bedroom spa.

Mayhew: Yeah, I was wondering where that came from.
William: My dreams, all fucking day today.

Mayhew: Great, well, can I take off now that you’re here?
William: Might as well, can’t see you anyway.

Jane: This table feels wrong, like someone’s fantasized about screwing on it.

William: I’ve fantasized about screwing on every damn surface in this house at some point. Mostly in the past eight hours.

Jane: Mmm. Wanna make your fantasies come true?
William: ARE YOU EVEN IN ONE OF THEM

William: Okay, sorry, no. Go home. If you’re still here.

Victor: Why is my potty full of lobster.

William: Plug your ears, kids.

Neila: .oO(Like we need ears to talk.)
Victor: WHAT? WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

William: Melanie apparently left me and your husband hates me anyway. If you were serious yesterday, get your ass over here pronto.

Cameron: I was already halfway out the door.

William: I’ve always wanted to do this.
Cameron: We hardly know each other.
William: To Andrew’s wife, I mean.

William: I’ve already covered “girlfriend” and “fiancĂ©.” I’m going for the BINGO now!

Bingo.

Cameron: My plan was to kiss you in front of him.
William: It was a pretty sexy plan.

Cameron: But that was at our house. This is yours.
William: Sexy, but doomed.

Cameron: Not if we scale it up a bit.

Next time: bow.

William: Chicka bow wow?
Cameron: You know it.

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