Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
And now, sex week.
How come you’re never a main character?
Ally: Because you’re terrible at this.
No, wait, I’m pretty sure it’s your genetics.
Ember: Some of us have what it counts inside.
Hey, don’t discount your outside, either!
Ally: Mornin’ Jerry!
Jerry: NAME ME AFTER SOMEONE ELSE
Ally: Aw, you’re getting to know your daddy better!
Ember: Thanks! How does it feel to be married to the hottest person in the neighbourhood?
Stephen: I dunno, you tell me.
Ember: You never could let a compliment stand, Stephen.
Ember: Luckily I have this live stress ball.
Paint yourself a ROOF, buddy.
Stephen: How did you even take pics like this.
I MUST HAVE BEEN DRUNK OR SOMETHING
Or maybe I wasn’t paying attention to the architecture.
Jerry: THERE’S LOTS OF THINGS YOU’RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO
Gerald: If you get some water in your ears, his bitching sounds like whale song.
Stephen: Oh baby, the way the light plays on your canvas is so flattering.
Stephen: I’m an art praiser now.
Ember: You’re taking this omnisexual thing too far.
Ember: Or, at least, you’re taking it to the wrong places.
Stephen: You did that sexy walk to give me a big ol’ cozy hug?
Ember: It’s what you like. Deep down inside, you’re still a Family Sim.
Ember: Take care of the kids while I’m at work.
Stephen: DEEP DOWN INSIDE, though!
Speaking of deep, down, and inside.
Chelsea: IT WASN’T WORTH IT
Chelsea: Hi mom!
Ember: Hi mom yourself!
Ember: I’m too young to be a grandmother.
You were born like a hundred years ago.
Ember: Your point?
Yep, those are some pretty great shoes!
Also apparently you’re sleepshoeing.
Stephen: I HEAR YOU NEED COMFORTING
Chelsea: My baby got kidnapped. I was gonna see if mom could make the cops work faster.
Stephen: Depends on what you mean by “work.”
Chelsea: I meant because she’s a lawyer. Not because she’s a whore.
Stephen: You can’t really separate the two.
Chelsea: You don’t have to stay with me. I can wait for her to come back.
Stephen: She’s gonna be like eight hours.
Chelsea: Still probably preferable to you staying here with me.
Chelsea: I don’t wanna be the elephant in the room.
Stephen: Then why’d you get so fat?
Chelsea: Oh good, pregnancy jokes. I can’t wait for nine months of those.
Stephen: Aw, I was just kidding. You look good! You’re glowing.
Roger: That’s because she wants your junk.
Stephen: THANKS GREEK CHORUS
Stephen: No, seriously, thanks! Apparently she just needed to hear someone say it.
Theresa: Now there’s a man who’s got his life together!
It’s other people’s lives he tends to take apart.
Theresa: If you’re finished mourning, can I tell you about your kidnapped baby?
Stephen: Give me the short version.
Theresa: We got nothin’.
Stephen: …is there a long version?
Theresa: The SCIA can’t find a trace of the missing kid. But we’d like to bring you on as a special consultant, Mr. Murphy.
Stephen: No kidding?
Theresa: We need an artist of your calibre to infilrate a group of gorgeous nudist extremist women who only communicate in rebus images. Only you can determine if they’re involved or not. There will be a condom stipend, naturally.
Theresa: PSYCH! Haha! I can even see the Aspiration Points disappearing from over your head.
Stephen: HA HA HA HURTING MY BALLS IS FUNNY
Theresa: IT IS.
Theresa: I mostly just came by to make that face. See ya!
Chelsea: Wish they’d had these when I was growing up.
You grew up?
Chelsea: I can climb stairs now, so smart money’s on probably.
Chelsea: You’re a Family Sim, right? You’re a sensitive dude.
Stephen: I’m an artist, too. Basically I cry whenever I think about anything.
Chelsea: Maybe you can help me with my problem, then, if nobody else can.
Stephen: Depends on what your problem is!
Chelsea: THIS ONE NEEDED WORK TOO.
Stephen: Ohhhhh PENNY I’M SORRY DON’T LOOK
Chelsea: Your room is full of naked pictures of women.
Stephen: Pictures of naked women.
Chelsea: That’s what I said.
Stephen: No. It’s what you meant. What you said was “I’m sloppy with my thinking.”
Chelsea: I’m sloppy all around, actually.
And yet, there is symmetry in all things.
…looks like a bucktoothed redneck with a handlebeard and sunglasses.
Now they see it too.
Chelsea: It must have felt like a rinse cycle in there.
Stephen: How would you like to be a naked picture of a woman? Again?
Chelsea: Sympathy for the pregnant chick?
Stephen: Heck no, pregnant chicks have it made!
Chelsea: How so?
Stephen: They can’t get pregnant!
Wren: .oO(MINE OR YOU DIE)
Xavier: .oO(At least threaten something valuable.)
Xavier: .oO(Where? WHERE?)
Wren: .oO(Told him his real mommy and daddy were behind me.)
Stephen: Repeat after me: awesome. Awesome.
Gerard: Thought your name was Stephen.
Stephen: That’s just how it Simlishizes.
Stephen: Apparently the language where I’m awesome is dead.
Xavier: High chaiw!
Stephen: Yes! High chair! High chair! Your first words are high chair.
Gerard: Into the trash compactor!
Stephen: No! No. We can make this better. He was saying “hi” to that chair! So his first word was “hi.” That’s much cuter.
Gerard: Rationalization is like some kinda hobby with you, isn’t it.
Jill Fuchs: DON’T.
Stephen: I have given the gift of speech.
Gerard: Now teach him to write so he doesn’t need to talk as much.
Ally: Hey everybody! I’m home!
Jill: You’re putting this on for me, right? ‘cuz I can’t imagine you have many friends.
She doesn’t have a prostate, Stephen, stop checking.
Stephen: THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED! IT’S JUST A CAPTION!
Wren: .oO(TELL IT TO MY LAWYER)
Wren: .oOWhich is mommy.)
Ally: Great job pooping, Jerry! Next time do it on the pot, though.
Stephen: Repeat after me. “Not unless you buy me a drink.”
Wren: “Not unwess you buy me a dwink.”
Stephen: She’s Ember’s daughter, we know what she’ll be like.
I’m retiring coverage of that glitch.
AND ANYONE WHO INSISTS ON ENCOUNTERING IT.
Pull the lid shut once you’re inside.
You already made me kill you once before!
Ember: Stephen! I could smell the success from outside!
Stephen: That might have been Jerry, he shit his pants. But yeah, I did the kid thing, now do the me thing.
You fool! You need to support her head when she gets those!
Ember: Make like a gate and get naked.
Stephen: Our very first inside joke!
Ember: It only took us sixty years.
Stephen: Well, there’s also the one about how Ally’s old girlfriend committed suicide with a sword.
Ember: ONLY WE FIND IT FUNNY, THOUGH
Stephen: That’s what makes it an inside joke!
Wren: Pretty brave, snoring when I’ve got a throat-sized block in my hands.
Hey, it’s that lesbian chick!
Kenya: How is it okay that society has chosen my sexual orientation for me?
Um, duh? It always does.
Stephen: You’re glowing.
Ember: Maybe I’m pregnant.
Stephen: What, with an angel or something?
Ember: Not likely, given the source.
Ember: You kept the important part, though.
Stephen: If you cut out all the bits between sex scenes, people will realize that this is just one long, huge-casted porno.
They’ve realized it already. Why do you think they’re here?
Stephen: We appreciate your support, guys.
Stephen: The roof’s gone again.
Ember: Blew it off.
Lately even when I find pics that fix my mistakes, I leave the bad ones in with their self-deprecating jokes intact.
Just because I noticed I was being terrible, doesn’t mean I get to hide it.
Gerald: Aw, come on. You already did the thing. This is the part where she talks about her feelings and you fall asleep.
Stephen: A good marriage requires upkeep, m’man.
Gerald: More like downkeep.
Ember: I wasn’t finished.
Stephen: His joke made me snort and my sinuses smell terrible now.
Stephen: I’m sure everyone else’s genitals smell worse.
Ember: You would know.
Ember: And I love it!
There’s only so many ways to show pillows flying and limbs peeking out from the sheets.
Ally: YOU DIDN’T EVEN SHOW US FUCKING
Gerald: Maybe we didn’t?
Cute toddlers worry me.
When you have no ugly to grow out of, you usually grow into it.
Gerald: Yep, livin’ the dream.
Gerald: DEFINITELY GLAD THAT WATCHIN’ HIM SHIT IS MY THING NOW
Jerry: .oO(You have my permission to get a new thing.)
THIS KID HAS BEEN LEARNING TO SHIT FOR FOUR YEARS
Stephen: That’s what happens when you breed Maxis with Maxis.
Stephen: I think it might even be illegal.
When I said I wasn’t doing race jokes anymore, I definitely didn’t mean I’d stop hating on the Maxis Sims.
Stephen: Right, because, I mean, how could you?
Ember: You’ve got quite a lot of Maxis going on yourself there, Steve-o.
Stephen: Don’t call me Steve-o, it makes me sound like a jackass.
These ones are designed so that you must get it all over your ass when it comes out.
Wren: Well as long as it’s intentional.
Look, I’ll give you a boost if you need one.
Well DUH. I’m never even gonna give you a real bed!
Gerald: Unh… Ember… make sure… my wife… is tied up first.
Ally: LIKE SHE EVEN COULD
I’d let her tie me up.
Gerald: This is the happiest moment of my life.
Jerry: .oO(I’m pretty relieved myself!)
Hey, wait wait wait WAIT WAIT
Ally: Damn right nothin’.
Ember: What’s the point of an alpha-channeled dress if you’re gonna wear panties under it? If everyone did that, guys would stop trying to look under there and then where would we be?
Ember: AND WHO WANTS THAT
Ally: Especially when we’ve got sexyism!
I keep forgetting you used to be a lesbian.
I have too many former lesbians. It suggests things about me that I don’t like.
Ember: I’ll invite some chicks over and make out with them if it’ll help confirm your liberal bona-fides.
Sure, why don’t you…
Why don’t you…
WHY IS THAT SO BIG
Gerald: That’s what she said.
Next time: big changes! Finally.
Gerald: No, but, do you get it?