The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 152

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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Yesterday is today.


You’re getting a new character today.

Deborah: You mean yesterday?

Ha ha.

Deborah: You mean a co-star, though, right?

No, that’ll be you.

Deborah: I could use another friend, I guess!

Hey, the more characters there are here, the less likely I am to burn the whole place down!

Unless they’re all like you, that is.

Deborah: Hey, I thought you weren’t going to call your own stuff boring anymore!

Oh, it’s not me that’s the problem.

It’s you.

Deborah: Hm? Oh, hey, Carolina! You are a person that I know!

Deborah: OH MY GOD CAROLINA YOU’RE THE NEW CHARACTER COME OVER QUICK BEFORE HE KILLS ME

Carolina: Sounds like a lot of effort to me.

Introduce yourself.

Carolina: I’m Carolina Siew! I’m a teacher at Pine Valley Elementary. I want to be the Minister of Education some day!

Why am I making you come over? You don’t sound very interesting.

Carolina: Sure, but… Deborah.

Ohhhhh.

Right.

Carolina: Hi! Don’t touch me.

Carolina: Glad to see you’re still in the pink, Deborah!

Deborah: Aww, you were worried about me!
Carolina: No, I meant your clothes. They’re pink. That’s really all there is to your character!

Deborah: I thought you meant “in the pink” as in “still alive.” Pink-skinned.
Carolina: That’s stupid. Your skin isn’t pink. It’s, like, beige.

Carolina: Seriously, woman, hands off.

Carolina: What’s this?
Deborah: Whatever was in my inventory. So you’ll like me!
Carolina: Apparently!

Deborah: Hey! They ran my column again today!
Carolina: Don’t they run it every day? Aren’t you one of their regular columnists?
Deborah: Yeah, but I couldn’t think of a less awkward way to bring up my success. So you’ll like me.
Carolina: Apparently.

Elle: BABY POOP IS WORST POOP

Elle: Thought you all should know.

Deborah: Hey, your boobs aren’t as good as mine!
Carolina: Okay?
Deborah: It means you can stay.

Deborah: Your eyes are a more interesting colour, though.
Carolina: I’ll shut them a bunch if it’ll make you happy. Maybe all the pink will take longer to make them bleed, that way.

Deborah: Eventually you just lose the ability to see it altogether. Which is kinda awesome.

Deborah: So, Carolina! Want to tell the readers how we met?
Carolina: I don’t remember!
Deborah: NEITHER DO I. I was really hoping you’d tell me.

And don’t look at me.

Especially Deborah. Never look at me, Deborah.

Deborah: Bu-

EVER.

Carolina: Is this that thing you just took off the shelf?!
Deborah: And if you move in, it’ll go right back there! Score.

Carolina: There is no way this should be working.

Deborah: Man, I like you! Your figure is so dull, it makes me look like Christina fuckin’ Hendricks over here!

Carolina: Except Christina friggin’ Hendricks isn’t boring.
Deborah: Who needs personality with juggs like those?!

Carolina: Okay! Wow. Glad you’re not a teacher.

Deborah: What makes you such a great teacher, Charlie Brown? ‘cuz you’re all brown.

Carolina: Well, I have an insatiable appetite for knowledge.
Deborah: OVEREATER, GO ON

Carolina: I’m always there for my students…
Deborah: YEAH, CHILD MOLESTER, GO ON

Carolina: I’m trying to make friends with a local historical figure so she’ll talk to my classes-
Deborah: THAT ZOMBIE BITCH STOLE MY WILLIAM I’LL KILL HER

Carolina: …yeah. Anyway, I’m also financially independent.
Deborah: Move in with me.

Carolina: Really? I’d love to! Let me get my stuff!
Deborah: No. Let’s use all your money. To buy new stuff. For me. Us.

Carolina: Don’t make me hurt you. I’m a supply gym teacher too.

Deborah: Momma’s makin’ the house into a sitcom, baby! NOBODY’S HOUSE EVER BURNS DOWN IN A SITCOM.

Rebecca: You’ll manage.

Deborah: I’ll take that as an expression of trust.
Rebecca: You would.

Flamingo: Get away from me! I can change the weather.

Deborah: You messing with my weather-changing flamingo?

Carolina: APPARENTLY

Aurora: Hey lady, the wind took off your roof.

Carolina: I’m not sure I want to live in this madhouse, Deborah.
Deborah: You should see the other houses.

Flamingo: You’ve got about three seconds before the lightning comes.

Carolina: I think it already has!

Carolina: If you know what I mean.
Deborah: Nope!

Deborah: But we’re both a bit gay now apparently?

Carolina: Just to add a little more potential drama.

You’re a real sport, Carolina.

Deborah: If I get killed, will you bring me back?
Carolina: Not if the Maker does it. I know better than to mess with a good thing.

Nicholas King: Which one of you is Deborah Cavendish?
Deborah: What if a stranger does it, though?

Nicholas: I’m the Chief of Police.
Carolina: If he’s the Chief of Police, still no dice.

Nicholas: Hey, what’s this thing over my head?
Carolina: I thought that dude and his wife were the Chiefs of Police?
Nicholas: No, seriously guys, what the fuck? It’s just hanging there!

Deborah: Maybe we have three Police Chiefs because they’re all like him.

Nicholas: I wanted to thank Ms. Cavendish for her lovely article on Officer Mamuyak last week.
Carolina: The one who got eaten by the cowplant?
Nicholas: No, that was Officer Wright. Officer Mamuyak accidentally pocketed his own pool ladder and drowned to death. Inventory-based deaths are pretty common since Nightlife was installed.

Carolina: He seems legit, Deborah.
Deborah: MAKE IT STOP RAINING FOR THE NICE MAN
Nicholas: She seems kinda off, though.

Deborah: A new best friend and a love interest, all in one day!
Nicholas: Hey now, don’t go ruining my day on a whim!

Nicholas: Although I am looking for someone new in my life. Preferably someone who’s a deep well of no personality that I can pour my stupid cop shit into.
Deborah: GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!

Deborah: Date me!
Nicholas: You seem pretty bland.
Deborah: I could get a HAT!

Nicholas: Hmm. Pretend to be that woman across the street. Lora or whatever.
Deborah: …”Oh, look at me, I’m an ugly Maxis townie and I have sex with old men and butlers”?

Nicholas: YES BABY CLIP THROUGH ME

Nicholas: CLIP THROUGH ME HARD

Nicholas: SMASH YOUR FACE RIGHT IN THERE

Nicholas: BONUS POINTS IF OUR LIPS NEVER TOUCH

Nicholas: Okay, nice meeting you guys!

Carolina: I bet I could study for twenty years and never figure out how to explain what the heck just happened.

Deborah: It’s over between us, William! I met a man who loves me for me! He thinks I’m stylish.
William: Boring is a style?

Carolina: Who’s there? Is that you, Deborah?

Sure!

Carolina: I’m starving! What’s for dinner?

Failcakes!

Carolina: …what the heck is a failcake?

Deborah: It’s a grilled cheese sandwich when you don’t know how to make them.

Carolina: Hey, as long as you made it, I’m happy to have it.

Carolina: …but these are terrible.

Deborah: ACT LIKE LORA GAST. SERIOUSLY.

Deborah: Literally the only person lower on the cast list than me.

Deborah: How many award-winning weblogs has she got? I bet she hasn’t even gotten her second yet.

Carolina: Everyone looks about the same, here on the bottom tier.

Carolina: And her hair is better than yours.

Deborah: I USUALLY EAT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE TOO JUST TO FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON
Carolina: I can see why that would appeal to you.

Deborah: But I bet this other person is dull, too.

Carolina: If dullness was a crime you could at least get more facetime with Officer Psycho.

Deborah: Say Carolina. CAROLINA.
Rebecca: We’re moving?

Carolina: Like heck we are.

Deborah: I want to teach you a song to sing so we can impress Carolina.
Rebecca: Sure sounds like something I want to spend one-fourth of my toddlerhood on.

Deborah: DON’T CROSS ME YOU LITTLE SHIT

Carolina: Yay, matching beds. Perfect for getting knifed in your sleep on.

Deborah: I can almost see you past my eyelids.

Carolina: GREAT

Deborah: I bet William is all jealous now!

I’ll take that bet! Winner gets to kill the loser.

Deborah: Come on, William! He said he’d kill me!
William: And that’s somehow worse than me having to like you?!

Carolina: I heard you weren’t allowed to use that anymore since you almost burned your house down once.
Deborah: So push me in and let me die already, GRETEL.

Carolina: Good one! My kids at school will actually get that reference! Later.

Deborah: Staring at my figure, eh?

Wondering why it gets so depressing around the neck area.

…and we’re done?

Deborah: What? It’s only been eighty-nine images!

There is a god!

And it’s me.

Next time: sword fights and fucking.

Yeah.

See you.

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