Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Yeah, this is a classy one.
Previously in the Clover County Chronicles…
At least I put some effort into it.
Ah, the road to nowhere.
I wonder what possessed me to be so suddenly generous with these landscape shots.
I’d say maybe I was helping my future self out, but that doesn’t really sound like me.
Hey there, Pinocchio!
FRIDAY: Pinocchio nothing. I don’t remember anything in that story about the puppet having a cock.
You designed robot genitals?
Andrew: I had them procedurally designed by nanites. Because ick.
You don’t have nanites.
Andrew: YES I DESIGNED ROBOT GENITALS.
FRIDAY: And I can think of so many uses for them.
WEDNESDAY: Care to try a few?
WEDNESDAY: Untangle your thought balloon from my rope, tiny man!
Now you see it too.
FRIDAY: Now that I look more like a Sim, I was thinking about maybe running for office!
Sir Wally: This is Pine Valley, not the Uncanny Valley.
Pretty sure your robot body doesn’t need to be kept in shape.
WEDNESDAY: Pretty sure you’re wrong.
…shit! I am!
WEDNESDAY: Andrew said you can’t do a story about robots becoming humanlike without drawbacks.
Andrew only said that because he thought fat robots would be funny.
Shadow: .oO(They’re pretty funny as it is!)
Gerald: DON’T THINK I CAN’T HEAR YOU WHISPERING
Yeah, that’s pretty much the difference between men and women vis a vis their bodies.
WEDNESDAY: My body only requires two hours of exercise a day to keep it fit!
FRIDAY: Mine is rated at three bags of chips a day to gain weight.
WEDNESDAY: HOW HAS FEMINISM NOT FIXED THIS
WEDNESDAY: OH GOD MY SINGULARITY CORE HAS RUPTURED
WEDNESDAY: We’ll call it the WEDNESDAY technique!
WEDNESDAY: Seriously though you need to look at this, it’s terrifying.
WEDNESDAY: Aw, I was hoping it would stick that way.
Nobody wants to see a robot Kate Whatsername.
That gross thin model.
WEDNESDAY: I don’t know who you’re talking about.
Well I actually remembered her last name halfway through, but I didn’t want to ruin the joke.
Such as it is.
FRIDAY: Are you ready to test our new hardware?
WEDNESDAY: Okay, but go easy on yours. I don’t want to have to defragment mine after.
WEDNESDAY: Oh my gosh! There’s a sensual component to this!
What did you think was going to happen?
WEDNESDAY: I thought it just played some kind of nature slideshow.
WEDNESDAY: Faster! Harder! Better!
WEDNESDAY: Ohhhhh I’m detecting at least 15% unused pleasure surface in my genital cavity.
FRIDAY: Hey, you know I didn’t get to choose my length…
FRIDAY: But yes, I see what you mean. I think I can feel an air pocket in there.
WEDNESDAY: Is this an appropriate topic for gentle sexual ribbing?
FRIDAY: Ribbing is an interesting choice of words, but no, no it is not.
FRIDAY: I think Andrew installed a penis envy subroutine, and it’s working really well.
Clearly that’s a bottle of genital grease beside them there.
FRIDAY: Oh WEDNESDAY! I find myself fulfilled in a disgusting but simultaneously amazing fashion!
WEDNESDAY: Yeah, I’m… totally fulfilled too.
FRIDAY: It is night! Perhaps we should perform a mattress-based sex act!
WEDNESDAY: I think we should see other people.
WEDNESDAY: Hey William! FRIDAY and I were wondering if you’d like to come over and show us some moves!
FRIDAY: We were?
WEDNESDAY: You can show FRIDAY using me, and FRIDAY can show me using…
FRIDAY: ABIGAIL! Oh my god Abigail! WEDNESDAY just had the cutest idea, you’ll love it.
Do anti-jealousy potions work on robots?
FRIDAY: We’ll see in a moment. I’ve been feeling outrageously jealous since, oh, about halfway through that round of sex upstairs.
FRIDAY: Now I just feel insulted.
FRIDAY: AAAAND a little bit like I just lost some serious RAM.
FRIDAY: Hey baby, this was just a trick to get a bigger dick in you, wasn’t it.
WEDNESDAY: Hey honey, it’s not my fault you didn’t insist on the deluxe model.
So, no. Anti-jealousy potions definitely do something to robots, but I wouldn’t say they work.
Like, at all.
FRIDAY: You want me to learn some “moves” from William, do you? I’ll learn them until Abigail is ruined for non-robot dick forever!
WEDNESDAY: Don’t overreact, FRIDAY. It’s just some harmless fun! And you might learn something! And also I’ve wanted to do this guy for years and I’m outside now so you can’t hear me say so.
Abigail: It smells like horny William out here.
WEDNESDAY: I’ve always wanted to know what that smells like!
William: I usually can’t smell anything else!
William: So I see our conversation the other day made an impression.
WEDNESDAY: I have prepared a berth for Captain Sparkles. Please see that he finds his way to it posthaste.
Abigail: Hi, FRIDAY.
FRIDAY: Hi… Mistress Abigail.
Abigail: Can’t quite shake that, can you.
FRIDAY: YOU’RE PRACTICALLY MY MOTHER
Abigail: You guys are still robots, you know. Having skin doesn’t magically make you human Sims.
FRIDAY: Right? Thank god.
WEDNESDAY: I considered asking Stephen Murphy, but he wouldn’t need a beard like that if he had anything going on downstairs.
William: I’m glad you thought of me first in the downstairs department.
FRIDAY: I wish we were alive so we could be dead.
WEDNESDAY: I dunno, feeling pretty alive over here!
WEDNESDAY: Kiss me like my robot husband cannot, fleshling.
FRIDAY: Are you feeling horny for me yet?
Abigail: No, but my sympathy is going through the roof.
WEDNESDAY: My genital canal can be expanded and contracted to whatever specifications you desire.
William: Neat. Does it have a vibration mode?
FRIDAY: Seriously though, dead. Wanna die. Death city, right here.
WEDNESDAY: Gaze into my baby blue photoreceptors and tell me I’m beautiful, meat-bag!
William: This is like listening to William Gibson jerk off.
William: And it’s not without its charms!
WEDNESDAY: Please let me know if you feel a shock, I have some exposed wiring in there.
William: Actually that sounds pretty hot.
William: Are you losers still in this race?
FRIDAY: WE HAVE ACHIEVED INTIMACY
Abigail: I know a lesbian chick who’s better at this.
FRIDAY: They are dancing. We should be dancing.
Abigail: Their average attractiveness is much higher. You’re dragging us down, Robby.
Abigail: But then again, I’m way curvier in this outfit than she is. We might be sexy enough to dance if we avoid showing your face.
Abigail: See? See? It’s all shot to hell now.
William: Between you and me, I think we’ve got them both beat.
Abigail: When you wake up as a hamster tomorrow, remember why you felt the need to insult a mad scientist.
Abigail: This isn’t the worst dance I’ve ever had with a jaundiced elf, I’ll give you that.
William: I like to think of it as more of a golden colour.
WEDNESDAY: You’re so sweet! ‘cuz it’s basically pee, really.
William: If that’s what makes you feel beautiful, girl, you go for it.
Abigail: I guess we could try kissing.
FRIDAY: But what if it’s awful?
Abigail: Then I’ll have an excuse to go home.
Abigail: Or join those two hot people for a threesome.
FRIDAY: I HEAR IT’S MUCH HOTTER TO KISS ON THE CHEEK
Abigail: Oh, William…
FRIDAY: OH COME ON
FRIDAY: Are we gonna keep up this embarassing charade all night?
Abigail: I say we give up when they start banging.
Abigail: In like thirty seconds.
William: Was that a request? ‘cuz I don’t know if I can wait that long.
William: Especially when she keeps making those puppy dog breasts at me.
WEDNESDAY: You know, I have Abigail’s knowledge and personality engrams in me. From back when you were seeing her. So basically you can have sex with vampire zombie Abigail, looking like me.
William: Woman, you lead with that!
Shadow: Is this seriously today’s story?
FRIDAY: I think it could have a happy ending.
Abigail: Gonna visit a massage parlour after I leave, are you?
William: Can you do that thing with your tongue that she used to OHHHHH yeah.
FRIDAY: You do a tongue thing?
Abigail: For William I did.
FRIDAY: Show me.
Abigail: I’ll need to see your nine-inch penis first.
FRIDAY: You’re a roboticist too, make me one.
WEDNESDAY: My servomotors are perfectly calibrated for the precise amount of force to excite your gluteal tissue.
William: You grab ass pretty good too!
William: MAKE THAT FACE WHEN WE
FRIDAY: FUCK just let me massage your back or something, we’re losing here!
FRIDAY: GET YOUR OWN THING, YOU PIRATES
FRIDAY: I am seducing the most intelligent woman in the neighbourhood! That is much better than a nine-inch penis!
Abigail: You’re only seducing me because I can’t resist what is literally my own personality.
FRIDAY: Aw, come on! I think there’s something between us here!
Abigail: Dudes always do! They don’t realize that it’s only the woman’s attractiveness.
WEDNESDAY: We are pretty awesome.
William: You are! But just between you and me, is Captain Sparkles. And he’s pretty awesome too.
FRIDAY: LOVE ME WOMAN
Abigail: YOU’RE MAKING IT HARD
FRIDAY: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
Abigail: In this story you’re seducing a trans man?
FRIDAY: AS LONG AS HE OR SHE IS RECEPTIVE, SURE
FRIDAY: Give me a hug, this is going terrible.
Shadow: .oO(Sorry man, no pussy for you tonight.)
William: More for me!
WEDNESDAY: Nuh-uh. I’m not sharing.
Shadow: .oO(NO MEANS NO DUDE)
Abigail: Relying on the animal cuteness factor! Clever.
FRIDAY: They don’t seem to be relying on anything.
It’s almost like they’re actually attracted to each other.
FRIDAY: Right! That’s what it looks like! I wonder what it actually actually is.
Abigail: You’re at least getting a pity makeout. I can’t bring myself to withhold it.
William: You wanna go comfort your man too?
WEDNESDAY: Not even pity could drag me away from this.
William: Yeah, he’s a pretty sad piece of shit really.
William: Want to make him even more miserable?
WEDNESDAY: Oh god yes.
William: Drop ’em if you’ve got ’em.
William: I was referring to your panties.
WEDNESDAY: Haven’t got ’em!
William: Okay, now show me how tight Abigail was before she had eight kids.
William: Wow, just about the same! That woman must have had a boss Lamaze instructor.
FRIDAY: Must you fornicate on every surface?
WEDNESDAY: It’s not like you two need any of them.
William: That’s it, Captain, go ungently into that darkness.
William: I hope you’ve got car insurance.
WEDNESDAY: LET’S FUCKING FIND OUT
William: Do you do parties?
WEDNESDAY: I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO
WEDNESDAY: Especially if it’s on a car.
WEDNESDAY: Specifically, FRIDAY’s car.
William: I feel like I walked into someone else’s hatefuck.
William: And it might be my new hobby now!
FRIDAY: At least my penis can vibrate.
William: Mine can too! Dude! Kegels! Have you heard of them.
FRIDAY: This is much better than sex. What we have here is something meaningful.
Abigail: Yeah. It means I’m constructing a vibrator when I get home.
Buy Mode lines again.
WEDNESDAY: Holy… holy shit.
William: I thought you said your cooter was extendable!
WEDNESDAY: WE HAVE APPARENTLY REACHED THE EXTENT OF IT
William: I’m gonna have to start sucking up to Andrew.
WEDNESDAY: I have never felt so content in all my cycles.
William: That’s your orgasm cry?
WEDNESDAY: Perhaps! Let us repeat the experiment.
William: This must be why I know so many scientists.
WEDNESDAY: Oh! There it is again! Let us try for a third.
William: Are you kit built? Because I might need to make a purchase.
WEDNESDAY: You should just take me, I’m already broken in.
WEDNESDAY: And I’m not sure all the scientists in the world can fix it.
WEDNESDAY: Less romantic than I thought?
William: Yeah, but I got the idea.
WEDNESDAY: That ain’t all you got.
William: I would really like to see what’s going on down there.
WEDNESDAY: I’m guessing you wouldn’t, really.
William: So does this outfit come off?
WEDNESDAY: Does your skin come off?
William: I can honestly say I’ve never tried.
William: The doily is great for wiping my hands off, too.
William: Oh, we’re well past charming now.
William: We’re downright scandalous.
FRIDAY: ARE THEY GOING TO DO THAT ALL NIGHT
William: Well, I thought we might do a bit of this, too.
WEDNESDAY: I’m learning lots of stuff, honey!
FRIDAY: Yeah. Me too.
WEDNESDAY: It’ll be hard to scale down to your size, though, I admit.
William: Because my dick’s so huge, she means.
FRIDAY: Kinda figured.
William: Hey-o! Careful with the teeth.
WEDNESDAY: It looks just like his new tower!
William: They named a tower after me!
William: And maybe my dick!
FRIDAY: Aren’t you supposed to rest your hand on her head? Like this?
William: Dude, no wonder chicks don’t like you.
FRIDAY: OH COME ON NOW
FRIDAY: NEXT TIME ON THE CLOVER COUNTY CHRONICLES
FRIDAY: FRIDAY GETS A GUN.
William: So, was it good for you?
WEDNESDAY: LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW.
FRIDAY: So… was it good? For you?
Abigail: Like you don’t know.
William: You want to come live with me?
WEDNESDAY: I CAN START YESTERDAY!
Abigail: Before you ask: no. You may not move back in with me.
Abigail: But he can.
WEDNESDAY: I dunno, actually. I am pretty much still married to FRIDAY.
William: Hey, I can work around that. Happily. So happily, you have no idea.
FRIDAY: Come on. I wasn’t that bad tonight.
Abigail: The parts of you that are still like me weren’t, anyway.
FRIDAY: WHY WOULDN’T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF
William: We’re taking your car, too!
FRIDAY: Take it off a cliff.
FRIDAY: What do you keep looking around for?
Abigail: A distraction.
FRIDAY: Why do you want to leave? We’ve had a great time so far!
Abigail: Yeah, but that amazing time going on in the background really took a lot of the oomph out of it.
OOMPH OOMPH OOMPH OOMPH
William: Careful! Don’t dig those high heels too deep into my new seat covers!
Abigail: You and the cat will be very happy together.
FRIDAY: No, we won’t.
Abigail: Oh well.
FRIDAY: I’m glad you could be a part of the worst fucking day of my life, Abigail.
FRIDAY: I couldn’t hope for a more embarassing series of rejections from a more attractive woman.
Abigail: One more dance, hoverhands only.
WEDNESDAY: Your skin feels good on my skin.
William: Your programming has excellent taste.
William: And so does your mouth.
Abigail: LOOK OVER THERE AND DO WHAT THEY’RE DOING
FRIDAY: You want me to stare at your breasts?
WEDNESDAY: THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP FRIDAY
WEDNESDAY: FRIDAY’s penis isn’t nearly as big as yours.
William: Nobody’s is. There are laws.
William: Are you telling me this so I won’t make fun of him for it?
WEDNESDAY: FUCK no! I’m trying to ensure it.
Abigail: Look. FRIDAY. She knows who Mr. Right is.
Abigail: It’s totally William, though.
FRIDAY: I value your honesty?
FRIDAY: And your actually kissing me for a change.
Abigail: Unfortunately for you, the change is that I’m leaving.
FRIDAY: Think about me?
Abigail: For at least five seconds.
Abigail: Damn, almost made it.
William: Alright, take everything that isn’t nailed down and let’s blow this robot stand.
FRIDAY: Put me in the trash when you go.
FRIDAY: If they’ll even take me.
FRIDAY: Otherwise just light me on firrrzzzzzzz.
William: Got a match?
WEDNESDAY: Think I’ll stick around here for a while.
William: Alright, well, the offer stands. As long as you’re still willing to do robot maid shit. Rent ain’t free.
William: You can do it while I sleep, though, to maximize the sexytime.
WEDNESDAY: You mad, romantic fool.
WEDNESDAY: …who just stole our car.
William: I’ll trade it for an HJ!
WEDNESDAY: I WON
WEDNESDAY: What do you think, Sir Wally? Should I move in with the sexy secret agent or stick it out with my stick-in-the-mud robot husband?
Sir Wally: I think I need more of that fucking Fruit Loops shit in my bowls, like yesterday.
William: I’ll leave the date flowers here, in case you want to burst into tears when you wake up.
William: You know, on the off chance you wouldn’t already.
WEDNESDAY: There is one thing FRIDAY got right today, I think.
Unlikely, but go on. What’s that?
WEDNESDAY: These bodies were made for boogeyin’!
Abigail: Don’t tell him I heartfarted.
What, and inflate that already tremendous ego? Perish the thought.
WEDNESDAY: Oh, little Shadow, you’ve seen so much of the world in your long years of life. Tell me, what advice do you have for my sticky crotch and predicament?
Shadow: .oO(I think that trash and fire idea sounded great.)
Sir Wally: SQUAWK, YOU’LL NEVER HAVE BABIES WITH A HUMAN, SQUAWK!
WEDNESDAY: SON OF A-
Next time: Deborah.
Ugh! Deborah! Why am I still bothering with that useless-