The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 146

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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I feel really good today.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…

…Stewart asked Margaret out. That doesn’t deserve a newspaper.


The Young Science Building: where young scientists get done.

Wait, no.

Margaret: Who’s that?
Stewart: My mom.
Margaret: If you don’t know, just say so.

Margaret: I’m sure someone else knows.
Romeo: Dated her once.
Margaret: University full of liars!

Stewart: No, seriously though. That’s my mom. Abigail Young.
Margaret: She has nice skin.
Stewart: Thanks?
Margaret: Why? Your skin is shit.

Stewart: And this one is my brother Andrew, and this one is my mom’s robot butler, who used to live with me. With his robot butler wife.
Margaret: Uh-huh.
Stewart: I’M NOT CREATIVE ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS UP

Stewart: You saw my mom, dammit.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: OR DID SHE?!

Yeah.

Yeah, she did.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: OH

Stewart: I’m sorry we came here, I didn’t know it was going to be so nefarious.

Stewart: I just thought we ought to show the place off.
Margaret: Aw, doing something nice for the Maker?
Stewart: Did you not hear what he did to my siblings?

Stewart: Anyway, we could get jiggy on the school equipment!
Margaret: I didn’t sign up for jiggy.

Stewart: You’re not gonna let that rockin’ bod go to waste, are you?
Margaret: Now now, no admiring your own handiwork.

Stewart: Aw, come on. Take your top off.

Margaret: …okay, that one was good.

Margaret: But I’m still kinda pissed that you bought me this outfit just to ogle me in it.

Stewart: Well, we can take it off, then, if you like!
Romeo: I’m calling the campus police.

Margaret: Call the real police, too.

Stewart: Look, hey, my mom ignored me and my dead brother a lot when we were kids, I feel pretty weird about it.
Margaret: Haha!
Stewart: …okay, I was aiming for sympathy, then transitioning into romance, but you’re laughing.
Margaret: “My mom ignored… my dead brother.”
Stewart: Fucking history majors and their tense fixation!

I call it “Llama Agonizing Over GPA.”

It’s pretty highbrow, you probably won’t understand it.

Margaret: He has a certain doggedly persistent charm.

That’s how he and his seven siblings were created.

Jay: Hey man, upstairs is gone. Just sky now.
Stewart: That joke never gets old.

Stewart: C’mon, let’s find an empty classroom and muss it up.

Margaret: I’ve got a better idea.

Stewart: I didn’t know they had doors to the outside!
Margaret: That’s so stupid it’s adorable.

Stewart: Careful, I’m a Family Sim. I’m hard-coded to respond to affection with marriage proposals.

Margaret: The way I hear it, you’re already engaged to someone.
Stewart: No, not someone. Rosemarie.

Margaret: Dump her.
Stewart: Well, I’ve been thinking, and-
Margaret: Dump her.

Stewart: No, let me finish, this idea is really hot.

Margaret: Dump her.

Stewart: Who?

Tell me he’s not singing.

Margaret: I suppose that’s technically what it is.

I’m going over here until he stops.

Ooh, that’s better.

Margaret: Yes. Yes, it is.

I didn’t realize it was so late.

Stewart: It wasn’t. We’ve been going for five hours.

Margaret: I’m holding out for five more.

Stewart: I might not make it. My daddy always told me to keep a spare pair of underwear handy, but I’m gonna need it soon.

Stewart: That was a compliment. Compliments are usually terrible where I come from.
Margaret: When I snap my fingers, get naked.

Stewart: Did I mention I’m precognitive?

Margaret: You’re prior to thinking? I believe that.

Stewart: Apparently I’m smart enough for your vagina.

Margaret: Y-yeah? W-well… I… I… I…
Stewart: Hey, cat got… got your… ungh… cat got…

I CAN’T MAKE ALL THE JOKES MYSELF GUYS

Stewart: nnnGUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Margaret: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

If I had fillings, they’d be resonating right now.

Stewart: LOOK WHO’S BANGING THE HOTTEST CHICK AT SCHOOL

I think you were doing that earlier.

Margaret: She might be hotter than me, but I’m smarter.
Stewart: And that’s almost as good!

Soppy: I THINK THAT GUY JUST KIDNAPPED FLOPPY

Hoppy: His name is Roscoe, Max.

BUNNYKISS

Soppy: Seriously dude, the fuck you just do.

Soppy: Now I might be gay, and it’s totally your fault.

Gabe: Can you guys stop fighting so we can fight?

Margaret: Wow… where… did you learn… to do it like that?
Stewart: From my fiancé?

Stewart: The truth isn’t always romantic?

Romeo: I’m a real fan of your work.
Soppy: I’m the sad one, though.
Romeo: Yeah, I like that.

Margaret: Well! I became a woman today!
Stewart: I didn’t know this thing could do that!

Stewart: Also haha Rosemarie’s gonna kill me.

Margaret: I’d tell you not to worry, but she did kill your brother.

Margaret: …MAN that was fun.

Romeo: If you’re looking for autographs, there’s a line.

Gabe: The beat-up service is available, though.

Stewart: It is damn romantic out here.
Margaret: Yeah, I can almost hear the music from that nightclub over there!

♪ The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire

We don’t need no llamas, let the motherfucker BURN

Stewart: Do as the man says.

Stewart: Welp, bedtime.
Margaret: I just paid that man to tell Rosemarie what we did if you don’t.
Stewart: Welp, deadtime.

Stewart: But it was totally worth it.

Jewel: What’s he looking at?

Stewart: Uhhh…. no… idea.

Margaret: Pretty sure my ass is better than hers.
Stewart: Gotta catch ’em all!

Margaret: Have fun with your new friends. I’m off to watch your fiancé hit the roof.

Stewart: How much do you charge for protection?

Soppy: Farewell, my lady. I must defend this douchebag’s honour.
Jewel: You are a noble soul, Soppy.

Jewel: Wait, this douchebag? I fucking forbid it.

Soppy: If you want me to stay here, give me a sign.
Jewel: The fact that I’m literally turning green doesn’t count?

Gabe: Dude, leave. You don’t want to see where this goes.

Gabe: I’M LITTERING IN YOUR SCHOOL BEAT ME UP ALREADY

Jewel: I never knew you felt that way about me, Soppy.
Margaret: Is this show on every night?
Gabe: They do reruns occasionally, like most relationships.

Gabe: But the money shots are always pretty goddamn hilarious.

Gabe: Oh yeah, baby, lick that fur.

Stewart: NOPE NOPE NOPE

Margaret: Where’d you get that sweet ass, computer boy?
Stewart: Bopping to my MP3 player literally every time the Maker turns away for half a second.

FOR HIS ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE

Jewel: Ew, you’ve been watching him that long? I’d have had to kill him by now.

I’m getting there, but the list is long.

Celeste: Random acts of kindness?
Stewart: I’m a Neat Sim. This is basically masturbation to me.

Stewart: OH YEAH BABY CLEAN THAT DORM

You have class, eh.

Stewart: SHIT

I love that Coy is the only person here not being coy.

Rosemarie: I’m glad there’s something to love about him.

I SAID NO

Rosemarie: I wonder where Stewart is.

Probably banging his girlfriend.

Rosemarie: You’re terrible at talking to women.

Maybe he’s banging my girlfriend, then.

Rosemarie: Like you’ve ever had one.

Stewart: SO HARD RIGHT NOW

August: I hear all cheerleaders are lesbians.
Harmony: Did whoever told you that tell you what the word means?
August: NO WHY IS IT BAD

Stewart: Why is everyone always going up there?

Because they think it’s where the front door is.

Stewart: …why?

BECAUSE THEY’RE IMBECILES.

Stewart: Speaking of imbeciles, who left all their homework up here?

And their incriminating evidence, too!

Stewart: Yeah! What?

From your dad, eh.

Stewart: NO IT’S FROM MY DAD

To Rosemarie, huh.

Stewart: WORSE IT’S TO ROSEMARIE OH GOD I’M CRYING SO HARD I CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING

Stewart: I’M SURE I’M IN THE RIGHT HERE SOMEHOW

Stewart: I’ll rationalize it using my gender double standard!

Attaboy!

Garfield: They can’t hear you, you know.

Harmony: They play better when they know I’m out there, somewhere, cheering them on. Naked.

Cheryl: Should we talk to each other? This seems awkward.
Stewart: That could only make it worse.

Garfield: OH GOD OH GOD

Harmony: Breathe! Through your mouth, if you must, which I bet you do.

Garfield: You bet I do must?
Harmony: Did someone tell you cheerleaders love grammar nerds?

Harmony: Dance with me, big boy, I’m desperate.
Garfield: She called me big boy!
Harmony: Because you’re like a ten year old, only too large.

Garfield: I’ll take it!

Stewart: IMPREGNABLE

Garfield: I FORGOT I’M ALLERGIC TO SUCCESS

Harmony: And I’m allergic to fail!

Stewart: And I’m so fucking torn right now.

Stewart: What’s that.

Stewart: SHE DID WHAT WITH WHO ON WHAT?

Harmony: You told him about her fucking that dude on the garbage can outside?

It seemed like the funny thing to do.

Stewart: Hey, Margaret! I just realized your name doesn’t shorten in a flattering way! Also I want to come in.

Stewart: …you. In you. SNRRRK

Stewart: I’m so sorry please open the door.

Margaret: You had me at “hey,” although you almost lost me several times afterward.

Stewart: I’m dumping her on her ass, Margaret.
Margaret: Aww! When she just bought it, too.

Margaret: Make yourself at home, I need to wash those sheets soon anyway.

Stewart: Can I sleep in here from now on?
Margaret: No.

Margaret: But you can do other things.

Stewart: Sleep is overrated.

YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Margaret: I think I love you, Stewart.

Stewart: Oh, good.

Stewart: Night!

Margaret: Asshole.

Andrzej: You rang?

Did you do that?

Why did you do that?

HOW did you do that?!

Rosemarie: It was a really good blowjob.

Stewart: Time to get up, sleepyhead.
Margaret: And dump Rosemarie.
Stewart: YAWN boy am I sleepy too all of a sudden unsuspiciously.

Rosemarie: This feels like one of those “wish I were still unplayable” kinda days.

Rosemarie: Yep, called it.

Rosemarie: Wonder what’s for my last meal this morning.

Stewart: This doesn’t seem fair.
Margaret: It was your stupid idea to get engaged to her.
Stewart: No, I mean, it doesn’t seem fair that you have to put clothes on.

Margaret: So you bought me that see-through dress as an act of fairness, huh.

Celeste: Lookin’ down, Red!
Rosemarie: I have a bad feeling about today.
Celeste: Don’t care. I was just commenting on the angle of your head.

Celeste: Fuckin’ kids and your boring fuckin’ problems.

Margaret: They’re about to be loud boring fuckin’ problems, at least.

Brooke: What were you doing in Margaret’s room, Stewart?
Stewart: Everything.

Margaret: He means it, too.

Stewart: Sorry Rose, we’re finished.
Rose: You and Margaret?
Stewart: Yeah, we… what? No!

Rosemarie: ‘cuz you are clearly not dumping me for that.
Margaret: NOT EVERYONE HAS GOOD TASTE BITCH

Stewart: I can’t love you! You ran my brother over with your car!
Rosemarie: You can’t mean that!
Stewart: No, you totally did run him over, I saw it.

Stewart: AND WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A “WHOOPS”
Rosemarie: Would that really have helped?

Stewart: I fucked the EVERLOVING BEJESUS out of MARGARET last night!
Rosemarie: Cool?
Stewart: BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON ME, THAT’S what? What do you mean, cool?!

Stewart: EVERLOVING BEJESUS, ROSEMARIE!

Rosemarie: I CAN TELL YOU THINK THAT’S IMPORTANT!

Rosemarie: I’m sorry, Stewart. I know you would have been faithful if I had been.
Margaret: Yeah, about that.
Stewart: Shut upppppp…!

Stewart: WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS, BITCH

Rosemarie: I’M TOO HOT TO BE SINGLE

Rosemarie: And it won’t be as much fun fucking Stewart’s dad now.

Coy: Dude, you hear that? She’s gonna fuck your dad!
Stewart: Why not? Everyone else has.

Margaret: All I’m saying is, guys with Maxis skintones try harder.
Harmony: Tell me more.
Margaret: Okay, well, last night, he put his-

Rosemarie: I CAN’T HEAR YOU

Rosemarie: …no.
Coy: I hadn’t even asked yet!
Rosemarie: It’s safer this way.

Celeste: I like how you fidgeted a bit to make it look like you were going to help me.
Stewart: All true politeness is lying.

Stewart.

You are nuts.

…wait. Aren’t you? Then… then who’s…?!

Rosemarie: Maybe you’re both nuts.

Or maybe all three of us are, since you’re DOING YOUR HOMEWORK IN THE SHOWER

Rosemarie: It looks like teardrops, I’m playing the sympathy card.

Rosemarie: Besides, there’s dumber places.

Stewart: I was starting to stick to my chair.

Oh, it’s you.

Pamela: What every girl wants to hear when someone sees her naked.

Rosemarie: Oh man!

Oh, don’t you just love that moment, when you’ve studied something for so long that you get an epiphany?

Rosemarie: That’s exactly what just happened! I totally get it now!

Rosemarie: I GET HOW FUCKING BORING THIS IS

That’s what my epiphany usually is, too.

Stewart:still not totally sure she’s real.

Rosemarie: I’d be so happy to learn I’ve hallucinated all of this.

Finals?

Stewart: Midterm!

Thought we did that already.

Stewart: You’ve just been paying shit attention.

That’s cuz shit is much more interesting.

If you write that on your exam, I’ll make sure you pass.

DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE

Stewart: …was that…?

NO YOU SAW NOTHING

Stewart: So, how’d you do?
Rosemarie: Pretty good! Halfway through the exam I realized I don’t have to put up with your boring shit anymore, and that gave me a real boost!

Stewart: Awesome! Hey, our grant money just came in. Wanna celebrate?
Rosemarie: I do! There’s this huge list of other dudes I’ve been wanting to bang.

Rosemarie: I hate you, stop following me.
Stewart: Our rooms are adjacent.
Rosemarie: Well, stop that too.

Margaret: Hey, I was gonna use that.
Rosemarie: No way, if you get any smarter you’ll see what a loser shithead he is and he’ll come crawling back to me.

Stewart: Why’s Rosemarie wearing that hat I gave you?
Margaret: ‘cuz she’s the only one with a big enough head for it.

Stewart: How does exercise?

Don’t look at me.

Brooke: Don’t look at me either, I’m hiding.

Harmony: Way to be ugly and in my way, dweebs.

Harmony: Seriously though move.

Coy: You already rejected me.
Rosemarie: AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO

Harmony: You’re pretty fit. You’d make a good cheerleader.
Rosemarie: For the sake of our friendship I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

Margaret: Yes, everyone cluster around me, please.
Harmony: ‘cuz the chick dating the playable is the centre of the fucking universe.

Margaret: CLOSER THAN YOU LOT

Jewel: No chairs.
Harmony: Lots of chairs!
Margaret: So do they breed you guys, or grow you in tanks?

Margaret: If this is an intervention, I swear I only used the bubble blower once.

HELP HELP I’M FLOATING AWAY

AAAAND I’m back!

Yeah, whatever this is was definitely more important than the hot black lady.

Pamela: I don’t see why he dumped you for plumpasaurus.
Rosemarie: He gave her that plumpness.
Pamela: Oh shit, she’s pregnant?!

FIGHT!

Calvin: My side is hotter.

Uh-oh, they’ve got a ringer!

Ally: Please. I can out-hot any of these suckers.

And the ones she can’t, she can kill with her bare hands.

Ally: I might anyway, just to prove the point.

Stewart: Wanna walk to our exams together?
Rosemarie: I will bowl you over, stick figure.

Prof. Sadie Goldman: …what room are we in, again?

Margaret: At least tell me he’s pretending not to check out my ass.

He’s not doing it very well.

Margaret: I’ll still take it.

Stewart: So hey, how’d you-
Rosemarie: -get all the Leonard off my car? I drove around until most of the chunks fell off, and then brushed the rest off with those date flowers you bought me.

Stewart: Message received.

Jewel: Thank god that wasn’t an intervention.

Stewart: Anyway, if you need me I’ll be making love to my awesome new girlfriend! Thanks for being so considerate and nice always!
Rosemarie: Okay! Thanks for blaming me for your brother being too stupid not to dance in the fucking road!

Margaret: Thanks for including me in whatever this is.

You’re welcome.

Next time: Groundhog Day.

You’ll see.

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