Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Finally, a week of more-or-less on-time updates!
I MADE ALL THIS.
Rosemarie: The game generated me.
Okay, but I made everything else.
Rosemarie: None of the custom content you’ve made appears in this shot.
…well okay, but I arranged all of it.
Rosemarie: You want a medal, Mr. Set Director?
Stewart: You can kind of take credit for me, if you want.
Okay, so apparently the lot reset for some reason.
Harmony: Naw, we just all forgot what we were doing at the same time.
It’s not like this at all.
Except for the pot in the dorm. That’s legit.
Rosemarie: Alright, cool, statue time’s over.
Coy: But statue time is the only time I understand!
Andrzej: GASP! Naked woman! Why are you in public, and not in my room?
Andrzej: You want a hit, lady?
Margaret: You’re huffing your own hand, Andrzej.
Andrzej: I put a lot of chemicals on it. Especially at night.
Stewart: Whoah! New uniforms! I like.
Harmony: The Dean of Theology suggested them.
Andrzej: I need to source handcuffs. The wimmins keep escaping from my bed.
Margaret: Have you tried calling the police and explaining your problem? I bet they could set you up.
Jewel: Man, have you guys tried just huffing your hands?! Doesn’t work at all.
Ladies and gentlemen, the future.
Whoah there sport, don’t strain yourself.
Stewart: An aspiring magician needs to be limber.
So you’re not just checking out Rosemarie’s ass, then.
Stewart: Not just, no.
Stewart: Do you know “YMCA”?
Brooke: Yes, but I’m pretending not to know you.
Stewart: That’s all I remember.
Celeste: I DARE YOU.
I swear they’re doing this on their own, it’s not some perverted fantasy of mine.
I mean, I have one that fits this nicely, but I’m not actively pursuing it.
Harmony: Wait, I forget… is it clothes or nudity that’s socially unacceptable?
Harmony: It’s nudity, isn’t it?
Pamela: I hope so, or boy are my nipples red! Not that you could see that, because I’m wearing clothing.
Harmony: What’re you doing?
Pamela: Taking a mental image of your clothes so I can imagine you’re wearing them next time this happens.
Stewart: Dammit, don’t talk the cheerleaders out of nudity!
Your boyfriend is a stooge.
Margaret: Boyfriend? I think he’s dating that redheaded stick twit.
Well, he does constantly stop and stare at her, but then again, so does Andrzej.
Andrzej: I’m scoping out her wrist size.
Do they make infant handcuffs?
I can’t Google it, because jail.
So, how’s university?
Rosemarie: University is great. I’m really going places!
Rosemarie: But not this place, apparently.
Romeo: PFF EDUCATION
Jewel: Assault is a crime, Pamela.
Pamela: It’s only macaroni, Jewel. Wipe it off.
August McNulty: The Saddest Stoner.
I built in some ventilation for the bubbles.
BECAUSE YEAH I THINK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.
We sure do get a lot of visitors to the nothing up here.
Maybe she’s going to huff some second-hand bubbles from the vent?
That’s what I imagine most cheerleaders are thinking at any given time.
August McNulty: The Happiest Stoner.
Rosemarie: Dear Diary: Today I was better than Margaret. How I long for a change from that tired old routine!
Margaret: Hey August, ask Rosemarie what happened to her driver’s license.
Rosemarie: HEY AUGUST NO
Rosemarie: The cops make such a big deal out of vehicular homicide.
Those masks represent how we feel about Rosemarie running his brother over.
Guess which one is mine.
Margaret: I bet I know. And I bet the plusses are yours, too.
You can’t see it, but I’m tapping my nose knowingly.
Stewart: Alright, it’s Do-it-Yourself Family Day today.
Excited to meet Stewart’s family?
Margaret: What’s a family?
Stewart: It would be great if you guys could come! There’s pot bubbles and naked cheerleaders for dad and even food! Sometimes on fire.
Abigail: Remember that time you burned the very first meal ever cooked in Pine Valley?
Stephen: Remember the names of all eight of our kids?
Abigail: There are not eight! Are there?
Abigail: There was the gay one, and there’s a tweed one, and at least one girl, and then they all bleed together. Which one are we visiting?
Stephen: The one who wants to be a magician.
Abigail: Oh, we had a failure too?
Kiera: Hey handsome.
Stephen: Don’t talk to me with that hair.
Abigail: Hey stupid.
Abigail: Oh, is that your name? I thought it was Francis or something.
Andrew: Taste my new edible beard! It’s in case I get trapped in my office by genetically-enhanced monkeys. Again.
Andrew: Well, look at you! All decked out in your shittiest clothes, with the shittiest haircut no money could buy!
Stewart: Sometimes I wish you’d died instead of the gay one and the at least one girl.
Andrew: I’m just kidding, Stewart. I’m really proud of you.
Stewart: You are?
Andrew: Yeah! You’re going behind two different girls’ backs! That’s my brother!
Stewart: Oh god, dad’s gonna mack on one of them.
Kiera: If your dad is Stephen Murphy, he’s probably already macked on both of them.
Stewart: Hi dad! What’re you doing up here?
Stephen: I heard giggling.
Stephen: It smells like a bubble blower up here and there’s birds rolling around on the roof, flapping their wings upside-down.
Andrew: That’s applied science for you.
Stephen: So, you may mark off one woman in this building as off-limits.
Stewart: What if I want… two?
Stephen: Then I hope you came armed.
Abigail: Wow, he wasn’t even kidding about the food.
Abigail: There’s no way he’s dating any of these.
Andrew: Pretty sure we’ve got the same Turn-Ons, in which case I think you may be wrong, mom.
Andrew: So can anyone dance, or do we all need that same haircut?
Abigail: So Andrew thinks you’re dating the honey blonde. Personally I think it’s impossible.
Stewart: She has… kind of a thing for me, it’s true.
Margaret: WHO IS THAT BEARDED ANGEL
Abigail: I KNOW RIGHT
Rosemarie: Target acquired.
Stephen: So I asked my son which woman he was dating.
Rosemarie: Your life sounds so thrilling.
Rosemarie: Okay okay I was playing hard to get you asshole.
Stephen: How did a hot young thing like you get mixed up with the dull brown bore?
Abigail: If you’re wondering, my lungs are coated with a substance that turns this stuff into food.
I wasn’t wondering.
But hey, recreational drugs that relieve the munchies. That’s new.
Rosemarie: Fine, go ahead, tell me how he wouldn’t let you touch me but you knew you couldn’t keep your word once you saw my deep blue eyes.
Stephen: Yeah, he… didn’t pick you. But your eyes are nice, for sure.
Margaret: Why the hell are you naked?
Pamela: Because the hottest dad ever is here and some of us aren’t on the no-fly list.
Margaret: You need more something in your diet, Pamela.
Jewel: Hey guys! Sure looks like not this bearded dude over here!
Rosemarie: Okay, so he picked his big-assed blonde friend instead. That doesn’t mean anything. He’s just protecting her ‘cuz he thinks she’s innocent but he knows I wouldn’t cheat on him.
Stephen: Sorry, can you hold that thought? I can’t think straight while I’m watching my son take a shit.
Abigail: Stephen made you choose, huh.
Stewart: Was he always this much of a jerk?
Abigail: Not until his character got established, no.
Rosemarie: WHO WANTS TO DATE ROSEMARIE LANDCHILD
Margaret: Are you running to the bathroom?
Stephen: It has the nearest window!
Stephen: Looks like it’s just you and me, red.
Rosemarie: Yeah, so I’m assuming you killed all the other dudes.
Rosemarie: Or maybe they’re gay.
Stephen: Or maybe they like someone else better.
Rosemarie: Pretty sure that’s the same as being gay.
Rosemarie: …he seriously picked Margaret?
Stephen: It would have been more fun seducing you if he hadn’t, I’ll admit.
Andrew: Hey baby.
Margaret: Can I pick one of you out from a lineup, or something?
Andrew: You’d better jump on this chick before literally all of us beat you to her.
Andrew: Good luck, Stew. I firmly believe that you can be the second Murphy child to live to adulthood.
Stewart: Aw, thanks Andrew.
Andrew: I’m just acknowledging possibility, though. You’re probably doomed.
Rosemarie: Hey sugar, read my thought balloon.
Stewart: Thanks for coming, mom.
Abigail: It was nice meeting you!
Stephen: I’d like to go back to Twikkii Island some day. My first wife and I went on our honeymoon there.
Rosemarie: Bet you spent the whole time in your hotel room, enh?
Stephen: No, Abigail’s one of those awful Knowledge Sim types. She actually wanted to see the place, for some damn reason.
Stephen: Be right back, I need to use the facilities.
Stephen: BUT THIS I DO NOT NEED
Stewart: I am going to rub that memory out!
Stephen: The essence of dance is a good pucker.
Stephen: Funky up your face and the rest will follow.
Rosemarie: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard that has actually worked.
Stephen: I’ll show you how I learned this position later.
Rosemarie: I can do you one better.
Stewart: Sometimes, Stewart, you do make the right choices.
Rosemarie: Excellent, he’s already judged us.
Rosemarie: Let’s do something to earn it now.
Stephen: Tickling in public! How risqué!
Stephen: Just so we’re clear, you’re the chick who ran over Leonard, right?
Rosemarie: It was an accident.
Stephen: I believe you! It’s just that, well, he’s my son, and I love him, but I knew him very well and would totally understand.
Andrzej: I didn’t know you were a cheerleader, Pamela!
Dreaming about Margaret again, I see.
Stewart: Ha ha.
Or maybe Margaret and your da-
Stewart: FUCK OFF
Pamela: Just so we’re clear, I’m out of the running, right?
Rosemarie: So if you’re gonna hang around here, fair warning: don’t walk too close to the kitchen counters.
Rosemarie: One time I caught Celeste microwaving foiled potatoes.
Coy: And the worst part is, she brought that microwave in from home.
Stephen: I like your room!
Rosemarie: THEN LIKE ME ALL OVER IT.
Stephen: You don’t feel bad?
Rosemarie: About what?
Rosemarie: Hey, he’s not MY son.
Stephen: You have got to let me photograph you sometimes.
Rosemarie: I think you mean “some time.”
Stephen: No, sometimes. I want to make you come more than once.
Rosemarie: YOU ALREADY HAVE.
Rosemarie: Fada soola gor!
Stephen: Fada soola bron!
Rosemarie: I forget the middle part.
Stephen and Rosemarie: Gerbitz! Gerbitz!
Stephen: Vo Gerbitz.
Rosemarie: Fuckin’ right.
Stephen: Yeah, no, we’re done here.
Stephen: My self-esteem won’t let me date a woman who takes this long to woo.
Stephen: You’re making me think I compare badly to Stewart, and if you think about that for a second, you’ll see why I’m upset.
Rosemarie: But he isn’t even interested in me anymore! Even though we’re engaged.
Stephen: Don’t fill my head up with your meaningless plot details! I have meaningless plot details of my own.
In fact, everyone does.
Rosemarie: Another time, then.
Stephen: Only if you improve your putting-out rate.
Rosemarie: Man, you are such an asshole!
Stephen: See where he gets it from?
Rosemarie: I’m sorry about Leonard.
Stewart: Hey, did my dad leave?
Margaret: No, he’s… in Rosemarie’s room, I think.
Stewart: Oh, good. I mean, oh, darn.
Margaret: So, about how your dad wasn’t hitting on me.
Stewart: Maybe he thinks you’re ugly?
Rosemarie: I thought you were leaving.
Stephen: I thought I was too.
Stephen: Look at me, one foot out the door.
Stewart: Trust dad to turn this into a privates school.
Margaret: Where you headed?
Stewart: Gonna go crash the game.
Margaret: Okay, see you in an hour!
Jewel: How dare you leave your poor innocent fiancé in the clutches of that lecherous monster.
Stewart: If he gives her any trouble she can just run him over with her car.
Margaret: I could come with you! To the game crashing.
Stewart: But you wouldn’t remember it afterward.
Margaret: The Maker could show me the pics and tell me if it was a good idea or not.
I’d just keep taking pics of your see-through dress, so no dice.
Stephen: Did someone say “see-through dress”?
I could do you one better.
Rosemarie: I bet he could do me better than you, though.
In her bid for playable status, Margaret tries to set up a potential extramarital romance.
She knows what’s what.
Valerie Enriquez: Hey there, transparent dude! Can you help us? Our windows have turned into walls mostly.
Valerie: The last person we asked just made a bunch of Lil’ Jon jokes.
Daisy: I would never have done something that evil.
Daisy: I’m in more of a body horror mood anyway.
NUKE IT FROM ORBIT.
It’s the only way to be quoted repeatedly for twenty years.
Valerie: Honestly, I’m just avoiding that Daisy chick. She kinda super freaks me out.
Stewart: Maybe I’m in the mood for a superfreak.
Daisy: Don’t mind me, I’m just famous and allowed back here.
Pierce: The autograph line starts up your ass, buddy.
Stewart: I don’t think we’ve met.
Daisy: I think I’d remember someone so unmemorable.
Stewart: I’ve watched every episode of your show! I especially liked the ones where you murdered two of my brothers and both of my sisters.
Fucking hell Grugly, what’re you doing back there.
Daisy: Sorry Stuart, but if he’s gonna get arty with his camera angles I’m gonna need a contract.
Stewart: It’s Stewart. Don’t think I can’t hear you spelling it wrong.
Esther: So hey, if you’re free later…
Stewart: Don’t talk, featureless mannequin.
Clay: Yessss. Judge them solely based on their appearance. I like you.
Daisy: I thought I’d killed all the Murphy kids. In the show, I mean. Where I play that serial killer. The one who isn’t really me.
Esther: I think this is one of the newer ones. They didn’t get the chance to go all braaaiiiinns.
Daisy: I can see the lack of brains, for sure.
I can’t remember the last time I set Ms. Crumplebottom off.
She might even have died by the time I’m at.
Harmony: MMM AMBIVALENCE
Rosemarie: I DON’T WANNA KISS A CHEERLEADER
You don’t have to, the Kickstarter didn’t go through.
Margaret: So Stewart tells me you’re an artist! What kind of things do you paint?
Stephen: Nipples. Nipples kinds of things.
Rosemarie: Sign me up!
Rosemarie: Hey sport, you sure do have a lot of you going on there.
Garfield Franz: She noticed!
Stephen: It’s all very tasteful. And hot.
Stephen: People shouldn’t be so loose with the slapping.
Harmony: I am prepared to be loose with the slap-slap-slapping!
Stephen: I’m a Family Sim. Hahaha!
Stephen: Hahaha! But no really, it’s fucked up.
Stephen: I’ve decided that the way to be the best Family Sim possible is to marry every woman in the neighbourhood. Pending sexual evaluation, of course.
Harmony: Of course!
Erin: Oh, wow! This place is way nicer than MNU.
Rosemarie: That’s because we only accept people who don’t pee themselves here. You’d be surprised how much that raises the general tone.
Lucy: Hey, crotchface! Long time no smell!
Lucy: She’s like a walking memory of every public restroom I’ve ever been in.
Rosemarie: I’d like to buy a better body type, please.
Every time this happens I check ahead to see if it becomes relevant and is worth including.
Except this time.
Let’s chalk it up to variety, laziness sounds so pejorative.
Asia: My god, what have we done.
Erin: You’ve done goooood.
I was about to say “Come on, let’s see it from the front!
But suddenly that doesn’t seem as important.
Holy shit! New hair!
By which I mean “Holy shit! The hair you’ve had in my game for like three years.“
Sometimes I wonder if I’m actively trying to torture myself.
The rest of the time, I just wonder why I wonder.
Hey, what do you know. It came up heads.
Oh! Nope. Tails.
Rosemarie: I see what you did there. And what he’s doing there.
Stewart: I need to get blinds.
I couldn’t disagree more.
Stephen: I think I figured out the difference between university and college.
Very funny, but this is a university too.
Stephen: Then apparently mine sucked.
Coy: Man, I can feel how good you look.
Yeah, this isn’t healthy.
August: SOMEBODY TEACH ME A PICKUP LINE
Harmony: Don’t look now, firecrotch bought a new outfit.
Stephen: I really shouldn’t look, I only brought the one extra pair of underwear.
I see this change of appearance presages a wider growth in overall maturity.
Stephen: You can give a horse new shoes, but you can’t make her trot.
Jewel: CLOTHING JOKES
Rosemarie: I’ll trot when I want to.
Rosemarie: Which is now.
Rosemarie: OW yeah! EEEESH! Oof! Man, this was easier in a loose dress.
August: I THINK THAT’S JUST A PAINTING OF PANTS
August: Hey fo shizzle what’s the drizzle.
Cheryl: Ohmygosh, are you black? I’ve never met a black person before!
Margaret: If he doesn’t take me with him when he graduates, I’m taking him with me when I die.
Stewart: Sounds like true love to me!
No surprise there, considering her options.
Rosemarie: I’m showing off. Why isn’t anyone paying attention!
Celeste: Pretty sure only one of your talents is interesting to them, red.
I dunno, they look like a pretty easily-impressed bunch.
Brooke: Look at him go! Puffin’ the bubbles! Flyin’ high!
Brooke: Kickin’ me in the face!
August: Do you ever think there might be more to life than this?
Pamela: Only in my darkest moments.
Writing your term paper?
Rosemarie: Propositioning the prof. Takes less time.
Stewart: WHAT DOES THIS HAND SIGNAL MEAN
Stewart: SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN IT TO ME
Rosemarie: It means “I haven’t showered in weeks.“
Stewart: Alright everybody, your Simlish lesson for today is “house.” That’s what that sign over there says.
It says “Student Residence.” Simlish doesn’t look all that different from English.
Stewart: …shit, I’m illiterate.
Patting yourself on the back?
Rosemarie: Removing my shirt. Skyping with the prof.
Running to your exam?
Rosemarie: No, running to buy a cucumber. Man this guy’s a hard sell!
Margaret: What’re you looking for?
Brooke: A university with a llama mascot. Where did you come from?
Margaret: Oh good, it’s Missed Connection time again.
Stewart: Nope. Wanna go out with me?
Margaret: Can I rub it in Rosemarie’s face first?
Only if you do it in a tub full of Jell-O.
Next time: more university.
BECAUSE EACH YEAR IS SIX DAYS LONG, THAT’S WHY.