The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 145

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!

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Finally, a week of more-or-less on-time updates!

Yay?


I MADE ALL THIS.

Rosemarie: The game generated me.

Okay, but I made everything else.

Rosemarie: None of the custom content you’ve made appears in this shot.

…well okay, but I arranged all of it.

Rosemarie: You want a medal, Mr. Set Director?

Stewart: You can kind of take credit for me, if you want.

Thanks, no.

Okay, so apparently the lot reset for some reason.

Harmony: Naw, we just all forgot what we were doing at the same time.

College!

It’s not like this at all.

Except for the pot in the dorm. That’s legit.

Rosemarie: Alright, cool, statue time’s over.

Coy: But statue time is the only time I understand!

Andrzej: GASP! Naked woman! Why are you in public, and not in my room?

Andrzej: You want a hit, lady?
Margaret: You’re huffing your own hand, Andrzej.
Andrzej: I put a lot of chemicals on it. Especially at night.

Stewart: Whoah! New uniforms! I like.

Harmony: The Dean of Theology suggested them.

Andrzej: I need to source handcuffs. The wimmins keep escaping from my bed.
Margaret: Have you tried calling the police and explaining your problem? I bet they could set you up.

Jewel: Man, have you guys tried just huffing your hands?! Doesn’t work at all.

Ladies and gentlemen, the future.

Whoah there sport, don’t strain yourself.

Stewart: An aspiring magician needs to be limber.

So you’re not just checking out Rosemarie’s ass, then.

Stewart: Not just, no.

Stewart: Do you know “YMCA”?
Brooke: Yes, but I’m pretending not to know you.

Stewart: “M”!

Stewart: That’s all I remember.

Celeste: I DARE YOU.

I swear they’re doing this on their own, it’s not some perverted fantasy of mine.

I mean, I have one that fits this nicely, but I’m not actively pursuing it.

Harmony: Wait, I forget… is it clothes or nudity that’s socially unacceptable?

Harmony: It’s nudity, isn’t it?

Pamela: I hope so, or boy are my nipples red! Not that you could see that, because I’m wearing clothing.

Harmony: What’re you doing?
Pamela: Taking a mental image of your clothes so I can imagine you’re wearing them next time this happens.

Stewart: Dammit, don’t talk the cheerleaders out of nudity!

Your boyfriend is a stooge.

Margaret: Boyfriend? I think he’s dating that redheaded stick twit.

Well, he does constantly stop and stare at her, but then again, so does Andrzej.

Andrzej: I’m scoping out her wrist size.

Do they make infant handcuffs?

I can’t Google it, because jail.

So, how’s university?

Rosemarie: University is great. I’m really going places!

Rosemarie: But not this place, apparently.

Romeo: PFF EDUCATION

Jewel: Assault is a crime, Pamela.
Pamela: It’s only macaroni, Jewel. Wipe it off.

August McNulty: The Saddest Stoner.

I built in some ventilation for the bubbles.

BECAUSE YEAH I THINK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.

We sure do get a lot of visitors to the nothing up here.

Maybe she’s going to huff some second-hand bubbles from the vent?

That’s what I imagine most cheerleaders are thinking at any given time.

August McNulty: The Happiest Stoner.

Rosemarie: Dear Diary: Today I was better than Margaret. How I long for a change from that tired old routine!

Margaret: Hey August, ask Rosemarie what happened to her driver’s license.

Rosemarie: HEY AUGUST NO

Rosemarie: The cops make such a big deal out of vehicular homicide.

Those masks represent how we feel about Rosemarie running his brother over.

Guess which one is mine.

Margaret: I bet I know. And I bet the plusses are yours, too.

You can’t see it, but I’m tapping my nose knowingly.

Stewart: Alright, it’s Do-it-Yourself Family Day today.

Excited to meet Stewart’s family?

Margaret: What’s a family?

Stewart: It would be great if you guys could come! There’s pot bubbles and naked cheerleaders for dad and even food! Sometimes on fire.

Abigail: Remember that time you burned the very first meal ever cooked in Pine Valley?
Stephen: Remember the names of all eight of our kids?
Abigail: There are not eight! Are there?

Abigail: There was the gay one, and there’s a tweed one, and at least one girl, and then they all bleed together. Which one are we visiting?
Stephen: The one who wants to be a magician.
Abigail: Oh, we had a failure too?

Kiera: Hey handsome.
Stephen: Don’t talk to me with that hair.

Abigail: Hey stupid.
Stewart: Stewart.
Abigail: Oh, is that your name? I thought it was Francis or something.

Andrew: Taste my new edible beard! It’s in case I get trapped in my office by genetically-enhanced monkeys. Again.

Andrew: Well, look at you! All decked out in your shittiest clothes, with the shittiest haircut no money could buy!
Stewart: Sometimes I wish you’d died instead of the gay one and the at least one girl.

Andrew: I’m just kidding, Stewart. I’m really proud of you.
Stewart: You are?
Andrew: Yeah! You’re going behind two different girls’ backs! That’s my brother!

Stewart: Oh god, dad’s gonna mack on one of them.

Kiera: If your dad is Stephen Murphy, he’s probably already macked on both of them.

Stewart: Hi dad! What’re you doing up here?
Stephen: I heard giggling.

Stephen: It smells like a bubble blower up here and there’s birds rolling around on the roof, flapping their wings upside-down.

Andrew: That’s applied science for you.

Stephen: So, you may mark off one woman in this building as off-limits.
Stewart: What if I want… two?
Stephen: Then I hope you came armed.

Abigail: Wow, he wasn’t even kidding about the food.

Abigail: There’s no way he’s dating any of these.

Andrew: Pretty sure we’ve got the same Turn-Ons, in which case I think you may be wrong, mom.

Andrew: So can anyone dance, or do we all need that same haircut?

Abigail: So Andrew thinks you’re dating the honey blonde. Personally I think it’s impossible.
Stewart: She has… kind of a thing for me, it’s true.

Margaret: WHO IS THAT BEARDED ANGEL

Abigail: I KNOW RIGHT

Rosemarie: Target acquired.

Stephen: So I asked my son which woman he was dating.
Rosemarie: Your life sounds so thrilling.

Rosemarie: Okay okay I was playing hard to get you asshole.

Stephen: How did a hot young thing like you get mixed up with the dull brown bore?

Abigail: If you’re wondering, my lungs are coated with a substance that turns this stuff into food.

I wasn’t wondering.

But hey, recreational drugs that relieve the munchies. That’s new.

Rosemarie: Fine, go ahead, tell me how he wouldn’t let you touch me but you knew you couldn’t keep your word once you saw my deep blue eyes.
Stephen: Yeah, he… didn’t pick you. But your eyes are nice, for sure.

Margaret: Why the hell are you naked?
Pamela: Because the hottest dad ever is here and some of us aren’t on the no-fly list.

Margaret: You need more something in your diet, Pamela.

Jewel: Hey guys! Sure looks like not this bearded dude over here!

Rosemarie: Okay, so he picked his big-assed blonde friend instead. That doesn’t mean anything. He’s just protecting her ‘cuz he thinks she’s innocent but he knows I wouldn’t cheat on him.
Stephen: Sorry, can you hold that thought? I can’t think straight while I’m watching my son take a shit.

Abigail: Stephen made you choose, huh.
Stewart: Was he always this much of a jerk?
Abigail: Not until his character got established, no.

Rosemarie: WHO WANTS TO DATE ROSEMARIE LANDCHILD

Margaret: Are you running to the bathroom?
Stephen: It has the nearest window!

Stephen: Looks like it’s just you and me, red.
Rosemarie: Yeah, so I’m assuming you killed all the other dudes.

Rosemarie: Or maybe they’re gay.
Stephen: Or maybe they like someone else better.
Rosemarie: Pretty sure that’s the same as being gay.

Rosemarie: …he seriously picked Margaret?
Stephen: It would have been more fun seducing you if he hadn’t, I’ll admit.

Andrew: Hey baby.

Margaret: Can I pick one of you out from a lineup, or something?

Andrew: You’d better jump on this chick before literally all of us beat you to her.

Andrew: Good luck, Stew. I firmly believe that you can be the second Murphy child to live to adulthood.
Stewart: Aw, thanks Andrew.
Andrew: I’m just acknowledging possibility, though. You’re probably doomed.

Rosemarie: Hey sugar, read my thought balloon.

Stewart: Thanks for coming, mom.
Abigail: It was nice meeting you!

Stephen: I’d like to go back to Twikkii Island some day. My first wife and I went on our honeymoon there.
Rosemarie: Bet you spent the whole time in your hotel room, enh?
Stephen: No, Abigail’s one of those awful Knowledge Sim types. She actually wanted to see the place, for some damn reason.

Stephen: Be right back, I need to use the facilities.

Stephen: BUT THIS I DO NOT NEED

Stewart: I am going to rub that memory out!

Stephen: The essence of dance is a good pucker.

Stephen: Funky up your face and the rest will follow.

Rosemarie: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard that has actually worked.

Stephen: I’ll show you how I learned this position later.

Rosemarie: I can do you one better.

Stewart: Sometimes, Stewart, you do make the right choices.

Rosemarie: Excellent, he’s already judged us.

Rosemarie: Let’s do something to earn it now.

Stephen: Tickling in public! How risqué!

Stephen: Just so we’re clear, you’re the chick who ran over Leonard, right?
Rosemarie: It was an accident.
Stephen: I believe you! It’s just that, well, he’s my son, and I love him, but I knew him very well and would totally understand.

Andrzej: I didn’t know you were a cheerleader, Pamela!

Dreaming about Margaret again, I see.

Stewart: Ha ha.

Or maybe Margaret and your da-

Stewart: FUCK OFF

Pamela: Just so we’re clear, I’m out of the running, right?

Rosemarie: So if you’re gonna hang around here, fair warning: don’t walk too close to the kitchen counters.

Rosemarie: One time I caught Celeste microwaving foiled potatoes.

Coy: And the worst part is, she brought that microwave in from home.

Stephen: I like your room!
Rosemarie: THEN LIKE ME ALL OVER IT.

Stephen: You don’t feel bad?
Rosemarie: About what?
Stephen: Stewart?
Rosemarie: Hey, he’s not MY son.

Stephen: You have got to let me photograph you sometimes.
Rosemarie: I think you mean “some time.”
Stephen: No, sometimes. I want to make you come more than once.

Rosemarie: YOU ALREADY HAVE.

Rosemarie: Fada soola gor!
Stephen: Fada soola bron!
Rosemarie: I forget the middle part.

Stephen and Rosemarie: Gerbitz! Gerbitz!

Stephen: Vo Gerbitz.

Rosemarie: Fuckin’ right.

Stephen: Yeah, no, we’re done here.
Rosemarie: What?!
Stephen: My self-esteem won’t let me date a woman who takes this long to woo.

Stephen: You’re making me think I compare badly to Stewart, and if you think about that for a second, you’ll see why I’m upset.

Rosemarie: But he isn’t even interested in me anymore! Even though we’re engaged.
Stephen: Don’t fill my head up with your meaningless plot details! I have meaningless plot details of my own.

In fact, everyone does.

Rosemarie: Another time, then.
Stephen: Only if you improve your putting-out rate.

Rosemarie: Man, you are such an asshole!
Stephen: See where he gets it from?

Rosemarie: I’m sorry about Leonard.
Stephen: Who?

Stewart: Hey, did my dad leave?
Margaret: No, he’s… in Rosemarie’s room, I think.
Stewart: Oh, good. I mean, oh, darn.

Margaret: So, about how your dad wasn’t hitting on me.
Stewart: Maybe he thinks you’re ugly?

NO

Rosemarie: I thought you were leaving.
Stephen: I thought I was too.

Stephen: Look at me, one foot out the door.

Stewart: Trust dad to turn this into a privates school.

Margaret: Where you headed?
Stewart: Gonna go crash the game.
Margaret: Okay, see you in an hour!

Jewel: How dare you leave your poor innocent fiancé in the clutches of that lecherous monster.
Stewart: If he gives her any trouble she can just run him over with her car.

Margaret: I could come with you! To the game crashing.
Stewart: But you wouldn’t remember it afterward.

Margaret: The Maker could show me the pics and tell me if it was a good idea or not.

I’d just keep taking pics of your see-through dress, so no dice.

Stephen: Did someone say “see-through dress”?

I could do you one better.

Rosemarie: I bet he could do me better than you, though.

In her bid for playable status, Margaret tries to set up a potential extramarital romance.

She knows what’s what.

Valerie Enriquez: Hey there, transparent dude! Can you help us? Our windows have turned into walls mostly.

Valerie: The last person we asked just made a bunch of Lil’ Jon jokes.

Daisy: I would never have done something that evil.

Daisy: I’m in more of a body horror mood anyway.

NUKE IT FROM ORBIT.

It’s the only way to be quoted repeatedly for twenty years.

Valerie: Honestly, I’m just avoiding that Daisy chick. She kinda super freaks me out.
Stewart: Maybe I’m in the mood for a superfreak.

Daisy: Don’t mind me, I’m just famous and allowed back here.

Pierce: The autograph line starts up your ass, buddy.

Stewart: I don’t think we’ve met.
Daisy: I think I’d remember someone so unmemorable.

Stewart: I’ve watched every episode of your show! I especially liked the ones where you murdered two of my brothers and both of my sisters.

Fucking hell Grugly, what’re you doing back there.

Daisy: Sorry Stuart, but if he’s gonna get arty with his camera angles I’m gonna need a contract.
Stewart: It’s Stewart. Don’t think I can’t hear you spelling it wrong.

Esther: So hey, if you’re free later…
Stewart: Don’t talk, featureless mannequin.

Clay: Yessss. Judge them solely based on their appearance. I like you.

Daisy: I thought I’d killed all the Murphy kids. In the show, I mean. Where I play that serial killer. The one who isn’t really me.
Esther: I think this is one of the newer ones. They didn’t get the chance to go all braaaiiiinns.
Daisy: I can see the lack of brains, for sure.

I can’t remember the last time I set Ms. Crumplebottom off.

She might even have died by the time I’m at.

Harmony: MMM AMBIVALENCE

Rosemarie: I DON’T WANNA KISS A CHEERLEADER

You don’t have to, the Kickstarter didn’t go through.

Margaret: So Stewart tells me you’re an artist! What kind of things do you paint?

Stephen: Nipples. Nipples kinds of things.

Rosemarie: Sign me up!

Rosemarie: Hey sport, you sure do have a lot of you going on there.

Garfield Franz: She noticed!
Stephen: It’s all very tasteful. And hot.

Stephen: People shouldn’t be so loose with the slapping.

Harmony: I am prepared to be loose with the slap-slap-slapping!

Stephen: I’m a Family Sim. Hahaha!
Harmony: Hahaha!
Stephen: Hahaha! But no really, it’s fucked up.

Stephen: I’ve decided that the way to be the best Family Sim possible is to marry every woman in the neighbourhood. Pending sexual evaluation, of course.
Harmony: Of course!

Margaret: Pass.

Rosemarie: Fail!

Erin: Oh, wow! This place is way nicer than MNU.
Rosemarie: That’s because we only accept people who don’t pee themselves here. You’d be surprised how much that raises the general tone.

Lucy: Hey, crotchface! Long time no smell!

Lucy: She’s like a walking memory of every public restroom I’ve ever been in.

Rosemarie: I’d like to buy a better body type, please.

Every time this happens I check ahead to see if it becomes relevant and is worth including.

Except this time.

Let’s chalk it up to variety, laziness sounds so pejorative.

Asia: My god, what have we done.

Erin: You’ve done goooood.

I was about to say “Come on, let’s see it from the front!

But suddenly that doesn’t seem as important.

Holy shit! New hair!

By which I mean “Holy shit! The hair you’ve had in my game for like three years.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m actively trying to torture myself.

The rest of the time, I just wonder why I wonder.

Hey, what do you know. It came up heads.

Oh! Nope. Tails.

Rosemarie: I see what you did there. And what he’s doing there.
Stewart: I need to get blinds.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Stephen: I think I figured out the difference between university and college.

Very funny, but this is a university too.

Stephen: Then apparently mine sucked.

Coy: Man, I can feel how good you look.

Yeah, this isn’t healthy.

Continue.

August: SOMEBODY TEACH ME A PICKUP LINE

Harmony: Don’t look now, firecrotch bought a new outfit.
Stephen: I really shouldn’t look, I only brought the one extra pair of underwear.

I see this change of appearance presages a wider growth in overall maturity.

Stephen: You can give a horse new shoes, but you can’t make her trot.
Jewel: CLOTHING JOKES

Rosemarie: I’ll trot when I want to.

Rosemarie: Which is now.

Rosemarie: OW yeah! EEEESH! Oof! Man, this was easier in a loose dress.

August: I THINK THAT’S JUST A PAINTING OF PANTS

August: Hey fo shizzle what’s the drizzle.
Cheryl: Ohmygosh, are you black? I’ve never met a black person before!

Margaret: If he doesn’t take me with him when he graduates, I’m taking him with me when I die.

Stewart: Sounds like true love to me!

No surprise there, considering her options.

Rosemarie: I’m showing off. Why isn’t anyone paying attention!
Celeste: Pretty sure only one of your talents is interesting to them, red.

I dunno, they look like a pretty easily-impressed bunch.

Brooke: Look at him go! Puffin’ the bubbles! Flyin’ high!

Brooke: Kickin’ me in the face!

August: Do you ever think there might be more to life than this?
Pamela: Only in my darkest moments.

Writing your term paper?

Rosemarie: Propositioning the prof. Takes less time.

Stewart: WHAT DOES THIS HAND SIGNAL MEAN

Stewart: SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN IT TO ME

Rosemarie: It means “I haven’t showered in weeks.

Stewart: Alright everybody, your Simlish lesson for today is “house.” That’s what that sign over there says.

It says “Student Residence.” Simlish doesn’t look all that different from English.

Stewart: …shit, I’m illiterate.

Patting yourself on the back?

Rosemarie: Removing my shirt. Skyping with the prof.

Running to your exam?

Rosemarie: No, running to buy a cucumber. Man this guy’s a hard sell!

Margaret: What’re you looking for?
Brooke: A university with a llama mascot. Where did you come from?

Margaret: Oh good, it’s Missed Connection time again.

Stewart: Nope. Wanna go out with me?

Margaret: Can I rub it in Rosemarie’s face first?

Only if you do it in a tub full of Jell-O.

Next time: more university.

BECAUSE EACH YEAR IS SIX DAYS LONG, THAT’S WHY.

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