Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Another week successfully done.
At least my journal is in order, as my mind unravels.
Ouch, the hard reset got you guys good.
Stephen: We phased through solid ground into the basement.
Ally: I can’t feel my toes.
Ember: My bones are cold.
Naturally the kids didn’t notice anything.
Then again, they must be pretty shell-shocked by now.
Ember: I’m gonna be late for work!
Gerald: I bet you can make it, you’ve been running through my mind all morning!
Ember: Shut the fuck up.
Stephen: Good, she’s gone.
I thought you were swingers. She doesn’t care if you call over a “friend.”
Stephen: I know, but it feels better if it feels illicit. She turns her back so I can do stuff behind it.
Stephen: Hey, Mrs. Newcastle? Okay, Spring-Newcastle. I’m Stephen Murphy. We met at the convenience store the other day? You’re fucking my son? I was wondering if the chemistry is genetic.
Jerry: I can’t get out of the basement, the stairs are too steep.
Stephen: I’m glad we built them correctly.
Stephen: The smell of ruined marriages is wafting on the wind.
Penny: What a scandalous sculpture!
Penny: And how scandalously sculpted you are!
Stephen: My wife is out of the house.
Penny: My husband has a small penis.
Stephen: This is the hottest conspiracy ever.
Stephen: You’re hot.
Oh no! The naked gate is using its magic powers for evil!
That’s the only way I know how to explain what just happened.
Stephen: Boy, I don’t know how we got ourselves out of that predicament!
And neither do I, so nobody ever will.
Stephen: You smell like soap.
Penny: It’s either that or explain to Jerome why I smell like Murphy.
Penny: I do a lot of Murphy.
Stephen: Man, I feel old right now.
Penny: You look like you’re about the same age as me.
Stephen: I think I’m a few days younger. And about twenty years older. You’re the second generation’s version of ME.
Penny: I’m way classier, though.
Stephen: That’s no great feat, but I agree.
Penny: We’re so exposed here! What if someone sees us?
Stephen: Surely our tinted sunglasses are disguise enough!
Penny: Yeah, no.
Stephen: We could tell them we’re rehearsing for an erotic art play?
Those fucking balloon dresses need to go.
Stephen: You’re too uptight. You need to relax.
Penny: That’s my house right over there. My husband is inside it.
Stephen: And since his lot isn’t loaded, he can’t see shit.
Stephen: Trust me baby, I’m a pro at hiding affairs from people.
Penny: You’re looking at the world grand champion, pal.
Stephen: So what are you worried about? Your husband is such an idiot he’d believe any excuse over the actual truth.
Penny: It’s not nice to pick on stupid people.
Stephen: Isn’t that all you cops do?
Penny: Yeah, pretty much.
Stephen: Then let’s hurry up and be assholes already.
Penny: Is someone watching your children? They seemed really stupid and vulnerable.
Stephen: Nah, they’re fine.
Stephen: You know, I’m an amateur photographer. I’d really love to get a picture of that professionally-hot ass.
Penny: You’ll have to pay my service charge first. That’s how we stay on-budget.
Penny: Cops know all about fine quotas.
Stephen: So if I make out with you, you’ll let me take a picture?
Penny: Don’t be ridiculous! When the cops get you, they fuck you.
Ally: You’re not my boss, kid, so stop making work for me.
Stephen: I think we understand each other.
Penny: And yet somehow we don’t despise each other.
Stephen: That’s what our families are for.
Stephen: So yeah, this picture. It’ll be a nude.
Penny: Like fuck it will.
Did that power suit make you forget that you’re useless?
Ember: At least the smoke can escape through the stairs to the sky!
Oh, yeah. Oops.
I’m useless too.
Stephen: Look, if it’ll make you more comfortable, I’ll strip down too.
Penny: You were just looking for a reason, weren’t you?
Penny: OH MY GOD
Stephen: Pretty nice, huh?
Penny: OH GOD WHY
Penny: YOU LOOK IDENTICAL TO ANDREW FROM THE NECK DOWN
Penny: So technically this is still only cheating once!
Stephen: That’s completely irrational.
Penny: It’s more of an irrationalization.
Penny: And don’t complain, because it got the job done.
Stephen: Put this one on Photobucket and see if it gets deleted.
Writing a diary?
Gerald: No, I’m scalpeling random pages out of this book. It’ll drive them nuts.
Stephen: Cool. Now try a pose that doesn’t make your leg do that.
Ally: How can you stand to have your husband screw around on you? Even though you screw around on him too? Which is also bad?
Ember: I don’t think of it as “screwing around.” I think of it as working.
The man does do good work.
Penny: And screwing around is a cardinal sin.
Gerald: STOP COPYING MY JOURNAL
Stephen: Alright, it’s penetration time.
Penny: No way, it’s not dark out yet. Penetration time is around seven o’clock in this time zone.
Penny: Unless you’re talking about tongue penetration.
Stephen: Bam! Right on the dot.
Penny: Hey, you’re getting a free bar polishing out of my chin, too!
Stephen: It stops being fun when it starts being commercial.
Penny: You’re almost as charming as your son, Stephen.
Stephen: Which one?
Penny: The living one.
Stephen: That was cold.
Penny: Says the guy who just banged his son’s mistress.
Penny: Man, I’m a double mistress now! That’s so me.
Penny: If I get any hotter I won’t be able to resist myself.
Haven’t filled your fill yet?
Stephen: You know what they say about vaginas!
“Bet you can’t eat just one”?
Stephen: I was gonna go with “vaginas are pretty much the best” but yours is better.
Stephen:Hey Chelsea! Were you watching through the window? You want some of this?
Andrew: Who is this?
Chelsea: I’ll be over in a sec, Stephen.
Stephen: You shouldn’t answer the phone when you’re making out, Chelsea.
If I divided my time more equally between you all, I’d understand how things like this happen.
Gerald: Awesome, you’re ready! The party’s at ten.
What kind of party?
Gerald: Masquerade. We’re going as “the evolution of clothing.”
I wonder which of you is the beginning and which is the end.
I like how you guys keep leaving proof of your infidelity just lying around outside.
Penny: I don’t see it ever becoming a problem.
Ally: This really isn’t our chapter, Ember. We should just go to bed.
Gerald: Or we could all go to bed together, and make it our chapter.
Chelsea: Cheek kissing?
Stephen: Don’t want no Andrew cooties.
Chelsea: Wow, put some clothes on! Do you want people to think you’re some kind of gate?
Stephen: Thanks for participating in the running joke, Chelsea.
Stephen: You scratch our backs, I’ll tickle yours.
Stephen: A lesbian once committed suicide over me.
Chelsea: What a testimonial!
Stephen: Alright, you untie the bottom. I’ve got the top.
Wren: First step!
First base. Get it right.
Chelsea: …I think I’m carrying your grandson.
Stephen: Whole new heights of perversion! I can’t wait.
Chelsea: I think I just threw up out of my mouth a little.
Stephen: That’s okay, I’m eating your hair.
Chelsea: Yours is poking straight through my skull.
The perils of custom content.
Chelsea: Am I still attractive even though I’m brown and homely now?
Stephen: Vaginas don’t care what dye you use.
Chelsea: You’re not much of an aesthete, for an artist.
Stephen: I’m in a Dada phase.
Chelsea: Obscure art in-jokes deserve kisses.
Xavier: Second step!
Stephen: I’m practicing my photography. Would you model for me?
Chelsea: Of course! I picked this outfit out myself!
Stephen: You can leave it on the sidewalk, nobody comes past here at night.
Stephen: Holy moly! I’m almost speechless!
Chelsea: You’d have to be, to get stuck with holy moly.
Stephen: Come on, again with the weird leg thing?
Chelsea: Shouldn’t you be pointing the camera at me?
Stephen: What? No! Then it would be in the shot! Don’t you know anything about cameras?!
Stephen: Thanks Chelsea, you did great.
Chelsea: When do I get my royalties?
Stephen: You’re getting them right now, can’t you feel it?
Good, more documentary evidence. I wouldn’t want all this adultery to go unpunished.
Wren: I bet they make it to third step.
Wren: But it’s probably pay-per-view.
Chelsea: I’d pay.
Chelsea: I have to go home and throw up a bunch.
Stephen: Because you’re pregnant?
Chelsea: Because your mouth tastes like Andrew’s mouth, but older.
Stephen: At least she kissed our clothes back on first.
Stephen: That woman kisses like she’s stress-testing the human tongue.
Stephen: DON’T TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU SAW, GATE
Wren: No third step?
Stephen: It’s base. Don’t fill your brother’s head with nonsense.
Wren: You’re my brother?! I thought you were my imaginary friend!
Xavier: You can keep imagining that if you want.
Stephen: Those burnt pork chops remind me of Chelsea.
I don’t want to-
Stephen: And the way she smells.
Do NOT finish-
Stephen: Some body parts weren’t meant to take so much wear and tear.
Chelsea: STOP JUDGING ME
Stephen: If I teach you to walk, will you stop stalking me?
Wren: No, but I’ll get a lot more efficient!
Wren: I need some space, Xavier.
Xavier: We used to be inseparable!
Wren: That’s back when I thought I made you up.
Wren: You’re way too gross to be real.
Stephen: HAHAHA YOU CAN’T WALK STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR BROTHER
Wren: SEE IF I DON’T.
Wren: Now, teach me to control the hearts of men.
Stephen: I’ll let your mother take care of that.
Wren: I said hearts, not icky bits!
Wren: Hold him there! I wanna kick him in the giblets.
Stephen: Come on, boy! Tense up that scrotum! Take it like a man!
Stephen: That’s cool, men run away a bunch too.
Jerry: RAISE ME
Gerald: That was SUCH a refreshing twenty minutes, Jerry, thank you.
Gerald: I thought I told you to stop perspiring.
Ember: I’m ready for my half of the chapter!
Next time: secret… agent sex! Secret… agent sex!
Ember: STOP SINGING AND ACKNOWLEDGE ME