The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 129

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every day this week!

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Porn host’s acting up something awful, so let’s tempt fate and Photobucket again.

I’m gonna go back and do the same to the previous one.

Oh! Yeah! #6 out of 7, baby! Still doin’ it.

Hey Rosemarie. Squish any of Stewart’s brothers again lately?

Stewart: Your method of recapping is a bit too blunt.

Pamela: Hey Andrzej! Do you guys have recycling in your wacky SimEuropean country?

Andrzej: In a way. No male is forced to put up with any one female for more than five years before turning her in for replacement.

Margaret: If I were married to him, I’d probably welcome it.

Stewart: If she were married to me, I’d definitely welcome her ass.

Stewart: Wanna dance?
Margaret: Any particular reason?
Stewart: Seduction!

Margaret: I know a dance for that.

Margaret: I thought you maybe had feelings for that redhead.
Stewart: She ran my brother over with a car.
Margaret: Wow! That was a blunt way to put it.
Stewart: I’ve heard blunter ones.

Margaret: You can share a blunt one with me any day. And I don’t mean drugs. Although it really sounded that way.

Rosemarie: I didn’t know she was a rocket scientist.

Rosemarie: She’s perfect for you.

Andrzej: Mind if I am joining you?

Stewart: Let me count the ways.

Coach Ted: Papa wants his booty.

Coach Ted: Where my naked chicks at?



Coach Ted: Hey baby, wanna be my naked chick?

Celeste: There are laws against it.

Very sensible ones.

Rosemarie: I think I’m gonna write a term paper about my life experiences.

Andrzej: It will be about your escape from righteous prosecution?
Rosemarie: It’ll be about all the unworthy dudes I’ve dated.

Jewel: Will it have phone numbers?

I think you need to get laid, Margaret.

Conrad: Now, please!

Margaret: Isn’t Stewart dreamy?
Jewel: I sometimes wish I was imagining him…

Do you have those blue panic buttons on this campus?

Jewel: We should, if we don’t.

Jewel: There’s entirely too many rape llamas here for all these naked chicks to be prancing about.
Gabe: But that’s what attracts us!

Jewel: Try it and we’ll see how many orifices that hat can fit into.


Stewart: There is a rape llama here. We should go to not here.
Margaret: I see the sense in that.

Stewart: Tickle tickle tickle! I’m a rape llama!
Margaret: Girls love rape jokes!

August: They do!?


Normally I’d kill you for that.

But you’re not worth interrupting a date for.

Haven’t been here for a while.

Mainly because it crashes my computer.

Crashed my computer.

Oh yeah, I was gonna post that crashing workaround.

But wait! Do I owe you anything?

I’m not sure I do.

Joe: All I’m saying is, plastic surgery makes Murphiness unneccessary in this day and age.

I’m pretty sure looking for love downtown at night behind the stadium is de facto prostitution.

Stewart: I’m buying.

Lora: You can’t afford me.

Berjes: Before you start, I don’t care what you’re gonna order.
Stewart: Should we get an appetizer?

Stewart: Your waiting technique is somewhat unorthodox.
Berjes: What was that? I can’t hear you over the sound of my NOT LISTENING.

Margaret: Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
Berjes: Ordering you something with peanuts in it. You look like the allergic type.

Berjes: Who has five fingers and wants you to shut up? THIS GUY.

Berjes: Please remember to fill out the comment cards before you leave.

Stewart: We’re gonna starve.

Margaret: I’ll drink to that!
Stewart: We’re undergrads! We’ll drink to anything.

Yeah, that looks like the kind of stuff only white people would order from a diner.

Margaret: It sure is romantic here in the shadow of the coal power plant.

Stewart: With the smell of unwashed sailors wafting in from the unfinished harbour.

Margaret: And the sounds coming from the brothel.

Margaret: Not that I’ve ever been there.

Shane: Wanna go?

Stewart: How did you just get asked to a brothel by a stranger on our first date?

Shane: I wasn’t asking her.

Stewart: I’m upset and intrigued.

And drunk, apparently.

Lora finally found more people of her calibre.

William never has.

William: Wanna play a game of prestidigitation?

William: You lose.

Stewart: Margaret! We’re on a date, remember?

Ember: Did somebody say my name? Free makeouts if they did.

I think he’s already got some.

Stewart: And these makeouts aren’t with anyone’s grandma.
Margaret: I don’t remember telling you my life story.

Stewart: Nobody who was secretly old would find me interesting enough to date.
Margaret: Pretty unassailable logic there.

Margaret: Also, no way could I have kept this ass secret all those years.

Stewart: It would have been a crime to try.

Another romantic moment ruined by floaty green text.

Why must you torment us, floaty green text?!

Stewart: I think you got some on you, let me tickle it off.

Kennedy: I basically pick pockets for a living. You’re a lawyer so it’s safe to tell you that.

Ember: I’m not your lawyer. So I think you’re going to jail now.

Kennedy: I meant I pick pockets from several pocket options. I decide which pockets go on which jeans. I’m a pocket-picker, not a pickpocketer.

Fine! Now say “Daisy” for no reason.

Stewart: Daisy.

Good. The picture makes some sort of sense now. Not a good sort, but a sort nevertheless.

I blame the terrorists.

Stewart: It’s really coming down out there. We might need to stay the night here.
Margaret: It’s not even raining. That’s witch lightning.

Stewart: We’ll sleep naked together to keep warm.

Margaret: I was already counting on that part.

Gina Landchild the Atrociously Evil Witch: AND FUCK YOUR WINDOWS TOO

Lora: Ever played blowjob poker?
Kennedy: It’s possible I wouldn’t enjoy it.

Margaret: What made you decide to start seeing other women?

Stewart: I didn’t know you could will them to be invisible.

Stewart: Anyway, this is the only date I’ve ever had that didn’t end in some kind of death.

Margaret: Maybe we’d better end early then, just to make sure.

Kennedy: Have you seen the Deputy Mayor? I’d put my party whip in her caucus.

Tish: You used the wrong words in the wrong context for the wrong jokes.
Kennedy: And it felt so right.

William: I dunno, skiing just isn’t the same without machineguns.

That’s racist.

Katelyn: How did you know?

William: Thinking I’m hot is racist?

That’s enough hate speech for one day, thanks.

Stewart: This needs to end before all these losers ruin it.

Stewart: Not that anything could ruin these puppies.

Stewart: I had to make sure they heard my compliment.

Margaret: Thanks for boosting my breasts’ self esteem!
Stewart: It should perk them up a bit.


Which means it’s a skyline that’s mine, not a mine in the sky.

Have I just inadvertently created a JRPG?

How many of you insist on creating shit-tons of extra stuff for a game before allowing yourselves to play it?

‘cuz it sucks.

Stewart: Do you take cash?
Brooke: I’m not programmed to take anything else!

Herb: Hey ladies, have you met my main man Stewart?

Stewart: Shit, I forgot to compliment her ass! I hope it’s not mad at me.

Stewart: Fancy meeting you here!
Margaret: Yeah, it’s like someone killed most of the dormies off or something!

I regret only my lack of thoroughness.


Herb: You seem tense. You should go machinegun-skiing.

Margaret: Running jokes are hot.

Margaret: What page are we on?
Herb: The one in the middle. The only one there is.

Hoppy: Why are you walking behind me?
Kenya: Because the reverse is unthinkable.


I’m sure the whole school needed to hear that.

I originally typed “heart hat.”

Did I just create a dating sim?

Stewart: Hey, cold air is cold.

You must get this self-awareness from your mother’s side.

Shame your brothers didn’t get any of it .

Stewart: Thank god! I’m freezing and you’re hot, stand closer to me.

Margaret: I’m trying to decide if that was clever or not.
Stewart: If not, at least deem it cute.

Margaret: Cute I can accept.

Margaret: But if you want to up the PG rating, that’s fine with me too.

Margaret: Is there any part of the female anatomy you’re not obsessed with?
Stewart: Yeah, but luckily most women in this game don’t visibly have one.

Stewart: Media allegations to the contrary.

We now return you to a rape llama already in progress.

Calvin: This wouldn’t happen if there was a playable here to steal the limelight.

Margaret: Stewart! A gross thing is happening and we need to make it stop.

Margaret: What’s this?
Stewart: My contribution to the de-grossing of this dorm.

Margaret: You bought me some clothes?! That’s kinda weird!
Stewart: And sweet!
Margaret: But mostly weird!

Margaret: I appreciate a guy who’s willing to become weird for my benefit.

Stewart: I appreciate a girl who perceives weirdness as a sacrifice.

Margaret: I appreciate your ass.

Stewart: It appreciates you back!

This seems to be going well.

What horrible thing will you do to ruin it?

Stewart: I need you to stay away from the roads.
Margaret: Because your ex might run me over?
Stewart: I don’t know if that was really her fault. I think the Maker made it happen.

Stop having epiphanies that make me look bad.

Right, do that thing that makes people stop thinking critically.

The best friends are the ones who make out with you.

And have all those adorable squidgy bits.

Margaret: Does this make my boobs look bigger?


It makes your boobs be bigger.

Celeste: Look who thinks she’s Queen Shit of Barf Island now.
Margaret: I intend to abdicate as soon as possible.

Rosemarie: I keep having this terrible nightmare where I’m losing.

It seems like a dream from where I’m sitting.

What? You didn’t think I was standing, did you?

Stewart: Have you been up all night?

Yes, but to be fair, it took about fifteen seconds.

Rosemarie: No wonder I feel so tired.

Rosemarie: It’s time to reassert my position as the hottest chick in the dorm.

Rosemarie: I’m thinking of wearing this to class.

Just a small town girl / Livin’ in a lonely world


It’s a known issue.

Stewart: We seem to be having a lot of those lately.

Pay no attention to the calamitous glitching behind the curtain.

I’m sure this is poetic or something.

Stewart: I prefer the raw uncompromising poetry of Celeste’s love lumps.

You’re punishing me for something, aren’t you.

Stewart: So, about Leonard.


Stewart: Guess I’ll just have to dance with hot chicks instead.

Stewart: Who’s the white bro who’s the dancing king of all the hos? Stewart!


August: I know it was you who kicked me in the ass, easel!

Jewel: Wait, are you trying to hit on me? Because you’re not nearly linebacker enough for that.

August: Guess the hos have a new king!
Jewel: You’re gross too.
August: Shit, it’s a homocracy now.
Stewart: Wouldn’t that be a society where only the gays can vote?

I think we might need to try that.

Jewel: See what you’ve done?

Stewart: Aren’t you cold?
Pamela: Albinos are cold-blooded.

Margaret: Hi Stewart! Hear any good albino jokes lately?

Margaret: I didn’t know they came in musical varieties!

Margaret: Oh, you’re serenading me. That’s good too I guess.

I’m trying really hard to avoid having to write lyrics for this.

Stewart: ♪ Then stop taking so many pics! ♪
Margaret: What strange lyrics!

Alright, give it up buddy, nobody cares.

Stewart: Wanna get something to eat?
Margaret: If you’re buying.
Stewart: You get everything you buy for free. You’re a dormie.
Margaret: It’s the principle of the thing.

Pamela: The cheering is fine, but I’ve got my anti-rape pinking shears on me so watch your fur.

Stewart: Let’s go some place without llamas.

Another game it is!

I like how subtle and non-intrusive those signs are.

Was I drunk when I made this place?

Because it’s pretty awesome.

Margaret: You know what else is pretty awesome?
Cory: I do, trust me.

Stewart: Let’s avoid the creepy stalker dude.
Cory: Yeah, he sounds like a jerk.

Stewart: Am I being tailed by a secret agent?

If you are, it’s only because he wants to kill you and steal your happiness.

Stewart: As long as it’s not about those 4chan posts I made.

Oh good, more of this.

Because I haven’t run out of captions for it already.

One hundred and twenty eight chapters worth of makeouts have really drained the well.

Margaret: You could just shut up and let us enjoy our date.

That’s cute! She thinks she owns something.

Stewart: You are cute. The Maker will probably let us date.
Margaret: That’s so sweet!

Thank you.

Margaret: I was talking to Stewart.


Abigail: I never saw the appeal in it, personally.

Margaret: They’re escaping through the ceiling!

Margaret: We have to call the air force.

Stewart: Hey, gross old lesbian.
Opal: Hey, boring Murphy kid.

Stewart: Reservation for boring Murphy kid and date?

Damned if I can remember the hostess’s name, and damned if I have the game installed and can therefore check.

Hostess: Here we are! Specifically not the table where your family members usually eat when they plan to propose.
Stewart: Any particular reason?
Hostess: I hate it when other people are the centre of attention.

Berjes: Well look who it is! The do-rag-wearing hipster with no rhythm.

Stewart: Do you work everywhere?

Opal: Hello there, pretty lady!
Stewart: Can we move?

Margaret: I dunno, it feels nice getting hit on by both genders at once. Very holistic.

Esther: You look too frumpy. Maybe if you dressed up a bit, bought some nice jewellery…
Margaret: Silly server! Fashion advice comes from gay people! Haven’t you seen that show?

Abigail: You know, you’re not supposed to sacrifice all of your pawns.
Cory: I’m with the SCIA. We have an annual budget for sacrificing pawns, and we lose it if we don’t use it.

Abigail: Did I get demoted to supporting cast at some point?
Emmy: Join us.

Stewart: If people see us behaving cutely in public, they’ll think we’re cool and our reputation will go up.

Margaret: And if they see us making out?

Stewart: They’ll stop thinking I’m gay. No offense.

Opal: I’m more offended that people think you’re one of us, kid.

Stewart: Hi mom!
Abigail: Is that what you young kids are calling women these days?
Stewart: You’re actually my mom, mom. I’m Stewart.
Abigail: Did I have one of those?

Abigail: Your father must have picked that name. What was his, again?
Stewart: Stephen.
Abigail: Ugh, that can’t be right.

Stewart: It was nice catching up with you. Would you like to meet my girlfriend?
Abigail: So soon after meeting you?

Stewart: Her name is Margaret.
Abigail: Nice! Grouping all the boring names together. I approve.

Stewart: Margaret, this is my mother, Abigail Young. She saved the world from zombies, and raised us using robots.

Stewart: We’re not exactly close.
Margaret: She’s gone.

Barenaked Ladies Guy?: Wanna talk about makeup?
Abigail: It’s better than the alternative.

Stewart: Anybody see an absent-minded mad scientist who isn’t as absent-minded as she finds it convenient to pretend to be? Around here? Anyone?

BLG?: You shouldn’t ignore your family. There might come a day when you need them and they’re not there.
Abigail: That’s why I have robots.



Oh my god, it’s full of trees?

Abigail: I invented Servos so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone who wasn’t basically me.
Stewart: You didn’t invent Servos. They’ve been in the game since Open for Business. Lots of other Sims stories had servos before you ever existed.

Abigail: This is why I hate talking to you guys.


Stewart: We’re a terrible family, aren’t we.
Abigail: A complete failure, yeah.

Next time: the failure becomes even more complete, if only a little.

It’s a process.

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