The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 124

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Tuesday and Thursday every week!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

The Chronicles Return! I mean that.

I’ve got over twenty chapters written and ready to go, you see.

And images for about five hundred more, but that’s beside the point (and kinda depressing).

Okay! Seven update days in a row, starting…

NOW!


Ember: Feed me, slave!
Ally: Do you realize how racist that sounds?
Ember: Nope! So it can’t be.

There’s a joke here.

I can feel it.

Ember: Wow! You really put a lot of work into these! I’m impressed!

Ember: But you took too long. I’m off to work.

Ember: Throw them all out.

Gerald: The class and racial politics of this household have me a bit bewildered, to be honest.

Stephen: “…to be honest, Mr. Murphy, sir.

Ally: You’re not a senator anymore. You’re a painter.

Stephen: And you’re a piece.

Stephen: Objectification is hot when it comes from an artist.

Ally: But I’ve got this hotness all to myself!

Gerald: WHAT IS IT I DON’T EVEN

Craig: Well hello there, baby. You’re lookin’ fine today!
Roger: Are you talking to me?

Roger: OH GOD NOW I SEE IT

Craig: IT’S MORE THAN I CAN TAKE

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS

Ally: BREAK INTO MY VAGINA, CHERRY THIEF!

WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?!

Wren: .oO(WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP YELLING?!)

Because it distracts us from the banality.

Ember: Nonsense. That’s what we’re for.

Ember: Introducing Team Hot Redhead Lawyers!

Kelly Chun: I’m not sure I want to play this sport.

Kelly: Ugh, you really need to cover that thing up.

Ember: HAVE YOU NO DECENCY

I’m going to start calling this glitch “Gategate.”

And I’m going to stop documenting this entirely.

Ally: I’m surprised you fit all three of them into one bag.
Gerald: I had to squish the girl a bit.

I think if you guys touched, you’d explode.

Or melt into the floor, like in Timecop.

Kelly: I call not doing that.

Gerald: You’re everything I ever dreamed of, baby.
Kelly: You dream about people finding you unattractive?

Phoebe: MY EYES!

Kelly: I’m not here for pleasure. Ember and I are discussing a very important case.

Gerald: Is it a brief case, at least?

I’m so proud of myself.

Kelly: You doing anything tonight? Puns are my secret fetish.

I can see why you’d want to keep that a secret.

Gerald: I’m either doing nothing, or two things.
Kelly: How so?
Gerald: I’m either not seducing you, or I’m seducing you and then being murdered by my wife.

Kelly: What’s up with the help, Ember?
Ember: They think they’re real people.

Ember: Now let’s go over the State vs Power Company brief again.

Emily: WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES
Ally: I BET A BURGLAR TOOK THEM

Stephen: Sure is dumb bitches out here today.

Gerald: I met a new person today!
Ally: Lawyers aren’t people, Gerry.

Speaking of not people!

Ember: We’re working on it.

Gerald: You’ve been working on it in my mind allllll…
Ally: I will cut you.

Stephen: Can we hurry this along? These diapers won’t hold.
Kelly: Where is that smell coming from? It’s not the bathroom…

Kelly: Mr. Murphy! Your pheremones are even stronger than baby poop!
Stephen: They’ve had to evolve. I have ten kids.

Kelly: If you ever need to double up on your reproduction rate…
Gerald: WOO! TALKING ABOUT THE BABIES NOW! WOOOOOO!

Xavier: .oO(She blows like a professional.)

Wren: .oO(And she boobsmashes like a champion.)

Based on his personality, Xavier’s Aspiration will be Boring.

Stephen: Just like daddy!

And Wren’s will be Romance, which I don’t want to talk about while she’s a toddler.

It’s really awkward for everyone involved.

Gerald: If I dump my wife for you, will you handle the divorce?
Kelly: Conflict of interest. Also you can’t afford me.

I hope you bought him something good, because he’s not getting very many more birthdays.

Kelly: Wanna play a game?

Kelly: It’s called structural integrity testing!

Kelly: Ooh, that’s not good.

Xavier: .oO(I’ve been upstairs now!)

Why aren’t you helping?

Gerald: I picked the only activity here which responds to rationality.

Kelly: I am also responding to things.

Ember: Respond to this.

Kelly: Sorry pal. I’m a lawyer. I know a respondant’s duties.

Ember: Full marks for trying, honey.
Stephen: Enh. I mostly try to avoid women who understand the letter of the law, anyway.

Stephen: For sexual reasons.

Ember: Show me.

Ally: I’m being cheated on!

No, see, you’re married to the other dude.

Ally: Don’t argue with me! I don’t respond to rationality!

Ally: But I do respond to French maid outfits.
Gerald: I knew there was a reason you used to be a lesbian.

Gerald: If you meet a woman who’s sexier than me, will you leave me for her?
Ally: Who are you kidding? I’ve never met a woman who wasn’t.

Gerald: Luckily I have a shame fetish.

Ember: Our love is a special snowflake, Stephen.
Stephen: Our partnership is unique.
Ember: We’re incomparable.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Challenge complete.

Xavier: .oO(Where’s the endgame content in this shit?)

Stop making that face.

I don’t want to know what sick thing you’re thinking about.

I know your mother too well.

Stephen: Did you know about her mismatched ceiling tile fetish? Bet you didn’t.

What a coincidence! That’s how I feel about Jerry too.

I put their bedroom upstairs, but their toddler beds downstairs so they can hang out with you guys until they become children.

Stephen: I hear what you’re saying.

Stephen: You’re saying there’s an empty room upstairs where I can avoid my kids.

Ember: Your dogged avoidance of personal responsibility is a real turn-on, I have to admit.

Stephen: I feel the same way about your consistent failure to wake up before your carpool gets here.

Ember: SHIT

Stephen: House is empty. Not pickin’ up shit.

Ally: Gerald and the kids are still there.

Empty of sentient life, he means.

Notice he didn’t mention the womrat either.

Jerry: .oO(Peekaboo!)
Gerald: OH MY GOSH! You scared me!

Jerry: .oO(Adults are so stupid.)

Gerald: Get the fuck away from that.

Gerald: Now sit here until this can is full of shit.

Gerald: Like my life.

Next time: our protagonists do some protagonizing.

But not, you know, a lot.

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