Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and usually on Tuesdays!
I accidentally erased this chapter. Then I found it again. Then I accidentally erased it again.
Then I found it again.
Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…
When’s the last time I wrote one of these unironically?
Enjoy the following condescending reminders!
I hope you feel bad for forgetting.
So, you gonna get plastic surgery like your sister?
Poppy: I’m not so sure she’s my sister anymore, and no, I have this weird feeling I’ve already had more plastic surgery than I’m comfortable with.
Michael: See if you can’t get her to shave that beak down a little, at least.
Kent: I dunno… I just… I just don’t know.
Kent: I just can’t picture either of you thinking.
Kent: It’s a real strain.
Poppy: PLEASE GO AWAY WHILE I POOP.
Kent: I guess she was straining too.
Poppy: TO CONTAIN MY FURY
You cheated on her. She caught you. And then Michael killed her.
Poppy: I KNOW, RIGHT?! WHAT A BITCH!
Poppy: Say, you know, I have a weird feeling that this is your job.
Kent: If it was, I’d be doing it.
Kent: QED, bitch.
Poppy: How about taking out the garbage?
Kent: I don’t think your daughter is old enough to play outside yet.
Poppy: Somehow I thought having a butler would be less like living in an actual dump.
Poppy: He’s like talking to a wall, only sometimes the wall talks back, and it’s a senile old fuckstick.
Poppy: Well Veronica, I’d love to say you’re in good hands, but I don’t want that lie coming back to haunt me in a tell-all book.
Veronica: .oO(That’s okay, mom.)
Veronica: .oO(I know I’ll be with my grandparents soon.)
Kent: Looks like it’s just you and me today, squirt! Which means it’s just me, because you’re not a person.
Veronica: .oO(I’ve heard the same said about the elderly.)
Kent: Now you, I could almost swear I see little thoughts crossing your mind from time to time.
Veronica: .oO(Mostly thoughts of horror?)
Kent: Mostly thoughts of horror.
Kent: They seem to come and go when I do. It’s like a Magic Eye poster, it’s really weird.
Caryl: Oh hey, you know what, this is exactly what I did not just mean to do.
Kent: Want to see a neat trick?
Kent: I hope you can breathe linoleum.
Kent: I’ll get you a new bottle once your Blue Screen of Death wears off.
Kent: In the meantime, I’ll go make a few little tidiness tweaks.
Intelligently prioritized ones, no doubt.
Kent: She’d better go back in here now. I don’t think she’s breathing, and I want to have an alibi.
Kent: Tsk tsk. This won’t do.
Kent: I can’t believe nobody added that bag of trash to that great big smelly pile out here. Don’t they have any sense of scale?
Kent: Well aren’t you pleased with yourself.
Virginia: .oO(No object permanance! I only vaguely recall drowning in the floor tiles.)
Kent: I don’t want them thinking I pamper you.
Kent: That’s better, apathy is a good look on you.
I think you gave her a concussion.
Kent: Also a good look.
Kent: Alright, fine, I’ll pick it up.
Kent: But you can’t make me pick it up intelligently.
Kent: Housework is all about suspension of disbelief. If they think you could have done something out of sheer innocent stupidity, they won’t get quite as angry.
Poppy: If you’d ever died in a car accident, maybe you would have a very keen sense of your body when you drive too.
Kent: Aw, what the hell? Somebody grew all these plants I trimmed today back to their previous, messy state!
Kent: Guess I’ll do it again, for twice the money.
Poppy: What a garbage butler you are.
Poppy: Brick fucking wall, I tell you.
Poppy: At least it’s Michael’s money, and not mine.
Kent: Guess she hasn’t checked her jewellery box recently.
Amar: What weird old guy shit is this?
Amar: Man, what a stupid outfit you have.
Amar: Bye, useless old relic!
Amar: Please don’t use your Nazi-fu on me.
I see Poppy’s been giving you lessons.
Michael: What? No, I’m just a fancy-pants, we all move like this.
Michael: See you tomorrow! When you drive me to TOWN COUNCIL! Where I now work! AS A TOWN COUNCILLOR!
Amar: When you’ve seen Nazi-fu, council-fu doesn’t mean shit.
You gonna say anything?
Michael: I’m not practising, I’m trying out a new look. You want to appear intelligent when you hit the big times like I just did.
Kent: You’re not going to breathe a word about what happened today to those knuckleheads, are you, Vereesa?
Kent: Let me remind you what polymer hell feels like.
Michael: Like my new look?
Poppy: Nice! I hear Kendra’s using lots of reward objects recently too.
Michael: Shirt and tie tomorrow it is.
Poppy: He’s really too easy.
Michael: SPEAKING OF TOO EASY
Kendra: You say that, but even your money couldn’t buy it now.
Michael: Get off my lot before I call the home inspector on you! I don’t want to do it, because he’ll be mad that I classified that sump you live in as a home.
Michael: And I don’t want that failbaby you conjured up in your tortuous laze-womb cluttering up my precious castle.
Michael: Aw, shit. I forgot about my new job, and all the new threats it lets me level.
Michael: What are you doing?
Kent: Drowning your kid in the floor.
Michael: Well, she needs to learn the facts of life eventually.
Poppy: What did he say he was doing?
Michael: Some weird old man shit.
Michael: So, you’re not gonna remember your sordid past and turn into a completely different person any time soon, are you? ‘cuz I put a clause about that in our pre-nup.
Poppy: That was a wise decision, because only a very specific person would want to be married to you and I’m not even sure that’s me half the time.
Poppy: Anyway if my memories all come back I’ll probably kill myself, since I think that’s what I might have done before.
Michael: Awesome! Insurance money.
Michael: We’ll call that “Plan B,” out of deference to your feelings.
Michael: I totally don’t want you to die, of course. I’m just saying it won’t be any trouble for me, is all.
Michael: I feel like I’ve said too much.
Poppy: Pretty much since you started talking, yeah.
Michael: So hey, if you’re not who you think you are, is Daisy your real sister?
Poppy: I sure hope so. I’m not sure I’d want to have less reasons for her to kill me.
Michael: Hey, new thought: if you do expose some Machiavellian scheme and it turns out she’s behind it, tell her you and I were never married.
Michael: No hard feelings, but every time I see that woman I get the feeling she chose the name “Daisy” for its irony.
Poppy: Yeah, she seems like the kind of chick who cuts people up and buries them in suitcases.
Michael: Oh my god, I heard the best piece of gossip the other day! You ready?
Michael: SO WHERE’S MY TIP
Michael: So anyway I hear Cameron Murphy used to be a zombie, and she was gonna get zombie married to some other zombie dude, but then he zombie cheated on her with another zombie! So she fucking killed him.
Michael: His name was Don of Macedonia or something stupid like that, I think he used to cut people’s lawns or something.
Poppy: HE WAS THE PAPERBOY AND HIS LAST NAME WAS MACAREVICH AND HE DATED MY SISTER.
Poppy: Oh my god, what?! Daisy never told me that! Where did that come from?!
Michael: It must be a repressed memory! Quick, hit your head on the wall before another one happens! I’m not getting suitcased for anybody.
Poppy: Look, if she’s gonna kill you, she’s gonna kill you. I hear she killed her university sweetheart on the first day of school!
Poppy: Wait, that’s not right. That was somebody else. Why did I think that was Daisy? Jesus Christ, it’s like Chris Carter wrote my brain.
Michael: No, wait, think about it: maybe you’re remembering things about who Daisy used to be! Stop doing that.
Michael: Daisy could have been a murderer in her past life! God please shut me up.
Michael: If you follow these memories you might find out who she really is, and then who you really are! And I’ll divorce you and flee to the moon.
Poppy: I’m still really mad at that other lesbian.
Michael: Thank goodness, your ADD finally kicked in.
Poppy: That’s what it’s for! I think. I could never sit through an entire explanation of it.
Michael: As long as you don’t lose interest while we’re making love.
Poppy: You can’t lose what you only feign.
Michael: You’ve got a Gameboy under here?!
Michael: I’d buy you a 3DS, but I hear you can’t trade up like with cars.
Michael: Hey, smooth move Ex-Lax! HAHAHAHAH WOW that was actually appropriate.
Poppy: You look like a person who needs more regrets.
Blech. I hope I don’t have to regret that for long.
Poppy: Like my new haircut?
Michael: I thought we’d agreed that you aren’t a lesbian.
Poppy: I’ll take that as a maybe.
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, PAST LIFE
I bet you’re sitting there going “Hmm, maybe, I’ll just give it time and see if I like it” and I can tell you now that YOU WON’T LIKE IT although yeah that dress is neat.
You can’t beat sideboob.
Kendra: Sideboob’s overrated, go for cleavage every time.
Michael: Man, my wife is not making me any money.
Michael: I bet I could sell her.
Poppy: For sex!
Michael: Or plantation work.
Michael: She’s got strong calves. Hey, Kendra! Love the cat. Suits you.
Michael: Because you’re both FOUL-SMELLING LEFTOVERS
Stinky Skunk: .oO(Hey, not fair. I’m a skunk. That bitch should shower.)
Poppy: I’M GONNA KILL YOU
Michael: With a heart attack if you don’t take that dress off. Seriously, Formal Wear is a Turn-On and I’m getting palpitations.
Michael: Also angry chicks are hot.
What are you-
Michael: Checking for blind spots.
Kent: Blaaaurgh, somebody turn the water down!
Poppy: Michael’s on it!
Michael: Don’t say I never did anything for you.
Kent: BLAAAURGH NOW IT’S JUST COLDER
Poppy: I’ll leave you to it.
Kent: Don’t go.
Kent: Because my hand is grabbing your arm for some reason.
Kent: I think it likes you.
Poppy: Tell it I’m not interested.
Poppy: I wonder if my actual personality was gay or not.
Poppy: You weren’t using that in its pejorative sense, were you? Because that’s not okay.
Of course not! You were definitely gay before, because all the men you liked either looked like women or had no interest in you.
Michael: That’s how I won you, baby. Had it all worked out ahead of time.
Poppy: He does look like a woman.
Yeah, he definitely has the haircut for it.
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE
Poppy: Pretty sure we’re done here if you’re just staring at me in the shower.
I need something to justify this pile of bleh.
Poppy: Do scary glitches count?
Poppy: Haha, that reminds of that time my sister was gonna huck an axe at somebody, but there was no animation for it, so she just kinda looked sheepish and then the axe appeared in the person’s forehead!
Poppy: WAIT THAT WASN’T… DAISY DIDN’T… I’M NOT…
Next time: fun with the non-characters.
We need to build them up before we tear them down, you know.
AND WE WILL.
Poppy: WHO AM I