The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 120

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week, and usually on Tuesdays!

Click Here for Previous Entries!


You don’t know what you’re doing.

And now, a fucking ton of porn.

What an appropriate quantity!

Mrs. Flibble: .oO(You don’t have to do this to impress me.)

Andrew: Hey, can you get me a criminal background check for free?
Penny: We need to discuss that while this is going on?
Andrew: Hey, I can never find a cop when I need one.

Shiloh: .oO(Mommy sounds funny with her mouth full.)

Shiloh: .oO(OH GOD YUCK)

Andrew: Kid’s making a fuss again.
Penny: That’s what they do.

Andrew: What’ll we tell Jerome if he finds us like this?
Penny: You accidentally irradiated my clothes, and you’re trying to detox my skin with your mouth.

Andrew: He’ll believe that?
Penny: You’re a scientist. He’ll believe anything.

Penny: Now get detoxing, I’m feeling nauseous.

Just the kind of thing a guy wants to hear with his tongue halfway down your throat.

Penny: He has a sense of humour, it’s fine.
Andrew: Let’s hope your husband does, too.

Penny: Were you planning on telling him about this?
Andrew: No, but when shit is this much fun it’s hard to keep it to yourself.

Mr. Grivver: .oO(You wanna play “I Spy”?)
Mrs. Flibble: .oO(That depends. Bill Cosby or Eddie Murphy?)

Penny: Anyway, I thought we were gonna play with my detachable clothes.
Andrew: Every man’s dream!

Andrew: Or damn close, anyway.

Penny: Take me, you mad, mad scientist!
Andrew: Take you where?
Penny: The kitchen, I guess. The disinfectant’s handier there.

Penny: Wow, you’ve got a hell of a grip!
Andrew: You do know I have a bionic hand, right?
Penny: I try to ignore all that nerd shit.

Andrew: I guess you get enough loser crap from Jerome, huh.
Penny: Does constantly mentioning my husband while we make out get you hot or something?
Andrew: YES

Shiloh: .oO(Am I an orphan now?)

Penny: Whoah, wait a sec. You need to see this face, it’s gotta be seriously attractive.

Andrew: Are you still making it?
Penny: No, but it’s okay, now you can’t see my absurdly un-detailed feet.

Wait three years.

Penny: So… you gonna let go?
Andrew: So squishy.

Penny: You really ought to take my pants off first. And yours.
Andrew: Honestly, right now I think I could make the neccessary holes with ease.

Penny: Please don’t ruin my brand new outfit with your penis.

Andrew: Romance is dead.

Penny: Long live lust! And also my pants.

Andrew: Because tracksuits are so hard to find these days.

Andrew: This is never gonna get old to me!

That’s because you didn’t have to figure out how to make it work.

It was a complicated process.

Penny: Aren’t you gonna take your clothes off?
Andrew: I wanna maintain my plausible deniability as long as possible.

Penny: I’ll tell him you’re trying to rape me.

Andrew: It’s amazing how many persuasive arguments involve blackmail.

Penny: You’re telling me? I’m a cop, buddy.
Andrew: I keep forgetting that, what with all this illicit shit we’ve been doing together.

Andrew: My ass is in your sink.
Penny: I already told you about the disinfectant, didn’t I?
Andrew: I’m just saying, you could have got some pillows too.

Penny: As it stands, the sink won’t go to waste.

Penny: This is so weird! We’re the first Sims to have sex on something that isn’t the floor.

Andrew: I bet the whole thing is straight-up porn by next year.

Give or take.

Penny: I’m fine with it.

Penny: And so are you.


Andrew: I might need a towel, though.

Penny: We have some, but I don’t think they’re actually separate from the towel rods.

Andrew: I’ll just use Jerome’s side of the sheets, then.

Andrew: Next time we’re totally doing it on the bed.
Penny: You don’t think he might get suspicious?
Andrew: What, when he’s been chloroformed? Not unless he’s a mutant.

Penny: You mean, besides his abnormally-small penis?

Andrew: Baby, you sure know how to make a guy feel special.

Andrew: I’ll feel even more special if you don’t make me clean this mess up after.

Penny: What am I, your maid?
Andrew: You want my repeat business, don’t you?

Penny: Good point, well made.

Penny: OH. Wow. Such a good point.


Andrew: I can’t take much credit for that, it pretty much came this way.
Penny: But you’ve taken such good care of it!

Andrew: I could say the same about you.
Penny: It’s easy to stay youthful in the groinal area when your kid is born skinny and your husband’s penis barely registers.

Andrew: Why don’t we use these animations more often?

Because that mod cancels free will, for some stupid reason.

Andrew: Hmm… counter sex, but no free will. WHAT A DIFFICULT DECISION.

I don’t want you guys making a habit of this.

You know how long it took to make rugs out of your clothes?!

Andrew: I hope we don’t get rug burn when we put them back on.

Penny: Yeah, I’m more interested in carpet burn.

There’s an American Pie joke here somewhere.


Andrew: What a wonderful waste of time you’ve discovered.

Penny: Yeah, I doubt this is gonna catch on.

Just wait, I’m gonna download you guys a washing machine too.

Penny: Uugh, they’re all wet.
Andrew: You sure that’s from the sink?

Penny: You think you can say gross shit like that just because we’re not married?

Andrew: Nah, it’s because you’ve had my di-

Penny: Don’t ruin the moment. I’ve already got Jerome for that.

Andrew: Your hair’s all messed up.
Penny: I’ll fix it later.
Andrew: You mean you’ll ruin it later.

Andrew: You need to loosen up a little.
Penny: Well thanks for the adultery, then, it gives me a lot less to worry about.

Penny: Maybe we should sell drugs together too.

Penny: We can do it out of the police station if we bribe the chiefs.

Shiloh: .oO(My problems are not real problems.)

Shiloh: .oO(Although I’m not sure how I’m gonna get back in there on my own.)

Jerome: Oh, sorry honey. Looks like mommy was up late doing her police homework or whatever again.

Penny: I should feel bad for cheating on such a decent dude, but… that’s the only kind of dude it works on.

Andrew: Let’s do it at my house next time, there’s more rooms to hide in.

Andrew: Thanks for not interrupting us.
Chief: .oO(I’m a dog, man. Dogs understand laser pistols! We’re just born with it.)

Jerome: Is my dog telepathically communicating with somebody out here?

Jerome: How come you’re still around?
Andrew: I can’t hear you!
Jerome: So stop walking away!
Andrew: What?

Penny: It’s his quick thinking I find the most attractive.

Jerome: I’m sure it was some stupid science crap.

Penny: Oh, shit.

Penny: I hope Jerome didn’t see these.

Penny: I hope Jerome didn’t see these, and figure out what happened.


Penny: What’s up, kid? Going insane? Good times.

Penny: Give mommy a few hours to get her shit together, then we can find a therapist. For both of us.

Andrew: I’m up for roleplaying it, if that’ll help!


Penny: Do you like mommy’s new haircut, Shiloh? It’s been scientifically proven more attractive.

Penny: I’ll tell you what “attractive” means when you’re twenty and we let you out of the basement you’ll be spending your teen years in.

I take it you’re the bad cop.

Penny: Can’t you see these shades? I’m the bad to the bone cop.

Some people just want to watch the world squirm.

Penny: I don’t think anyone’s gonna want any of this Andrew jizzcake.

Andrew: There! Perfect!

Andrew: And I can make up a neon sign that says “CAMERON I’M CHEATING ON YOU” for our bedroom, too.

Penny: Aw, how sweet! You’re trying to ruin my marriage.

Penny: This Easter egg hunt shit is a bit much, Andrew.

Penny: Remind me to punish him for it later.

Penny: Right after I bury the dog.

I’d make that face if my sternum was painted on, too.

Avri: Hey Officer Newcastle! I heard some shouting at your house last night. Were you having a fight with Mr. Murphy? It sounded like you were really mad at each other.
Penny: Stand there for a minute, Avri.

Debbi: It smells funny in here.

Debbi: It’s getting worse.

It always does! Next time: a trip down memory lane.

Which is always terrible.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.