Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and usually on Tuesdays!
More university! Yay! I promise the next two updates will be illegal in ten countries, though.
Cheryl: Am I interrupting something?
Margaret: Nope! Because nothing is happening. For some reason.
Stewart: Luckily I’m no good at reading signals.
Stewart: Mmm… that was good. Shit. Wait. Are you attracted to the cafeteria lady?!
Margaret: You know, all women aren’t inherently bisexual, Stewart.
Stewart: THEY ARE IN THIS GAME!
Margaret: He really is clueless, isn’t he.
Been that way for decades.
Runs in the family. Gets it from his dad.
Rosemarie: I wish I could get it from his dad.
Rosemarie: Or from anybody.
Troy: Dude! You trying to take my job or something?!
Troy: Let’s see your moves, then, challenger!
I DON’T WANT TO FILM A RAPE SCENE
Jewel: Let me help! Hey everybody! Consensual sex, right here! Ten bucks, cash only, upfront.
Troy: I LEFT MY WALLET IN MY JEANS
You might want to move. Apparently there’s nothing holding the roof up.
Who you hiding from?
Stewart: Not from, just hiding.
Stewart: I hate people.
Rosemarie: I just wanted to see if you had tan lines.
Pamela: What are you, the albino police?
Rosemarie: Nope! I’m the President of Shower Club! It’s always nice to welcome a new member.
Rosemarie: Where are you going? Don’t tell anyone about Shower Club! There’s probably a rule about that!
Margaret: SURE IS HOMOEROTIC AROUND HERE TODAY
Jewel: At least there’s something erotic for a change!
Stewart: Yeah, how come I haven’t got a date yet?
Because I’m waiting for you to want one.
Stewart: Just set me up already!
Just pick a girl already!
Stewart: MAYBE IT’S COMPLICATED
MAYBE YOU’RE A FUCKWAD
Andrzej: Maybe we’re all gay.
Stewart: Jewel. I just wanted to tell you, you’re a really nice person, and we all appreciate you a lot.
Jewel: Even though I’m always taking my clothes off?
Stewart: No, that’s what I’m talking about.
Stewart: I wish certain other people would follow your example.
Andrzej: We could go on a ski holiday! In the old country, a man courted his woman by showing her that he had his own pair of skis, so that he was capable of supplying their shared chalet with meat and alcohol procured by hunting the St. Bernards that roamed the mountains in search of lost travellers. And also by hunting the lost travellers. All that on skis. It’s pretty badass.
Rosemarie: Have you not seen how skinny I am? You take me anywhere skiing is possible, and I’ll turn into a popsicle.
Andrzej: So put on some weight! The women in the old country are hefty and strong. Our Olympic Athletes are all women, and they only participate in the Bear Tossing event. You could gain weight very quickly if you ate some of our dorm mates. I hear you’re handy with a car.
Rosemarie: You run over one stupid Murphy and people will not let you forget it.
Brooke: That sounds like a healthy conversation over there.
Jewel: My theory is they’re secretly both aliens, and neither of them has found out the other yet.
Rosemarie: I’ve got an idea. How about we go upstairs, and I show you the value of seclusion?
Andrzej: I know that value well. Seclusion is what allows my people to keep eating adventurers and mountain climbers. Silly westerners! You all think they die from the cold. And yet you keep coming! Our summer home on Mount Everest is similarly productive.
Rosemarie: What I’m trying to say is, let’s leave the Young and the Clueless down here and go make our own fun somewhere else.
Rosemarie: What I’m trying to say is, I want to try your foreign sausage.
Rosemarie: I want to climb one of Andy’s Mountains.
Andrzej: Horrible puns! You know the mating rituals of my people! Did you bring the traditional offering of sauteed placenta?
Rosemarie: Europeans are gross.
Rosemarie: If you tell me about one more quaint local custom from your cannibalistic mountain tribe of scatomancers, I’m going to throw up and turn gay.
Andrzej: Ohohohoho! You can’t do that! Women cannot be shaman!
This is like how cats find the most uncomfortable places possible to sleep, right? That’s what this is?
Andrzej: Silly new worlders! In my country we use no oil! We manufacture everything from the bones of our elders, and masturbate with dry genitals.
Stewart: Somebody kill this man.
Rosemarie: Andrzej! Come.
Andrzej: That could have multiple meanings.
Rosemarie: I’m just thinking about the one.
Andrzej: Are you asking me to make love to you, o beautiful woman?
Stewart: Come on! Lightning! Falling satellite! Something! ANYTHING!
Rosemarie: I’m inviting you to a having sex with me party in my sex parts, Andrzej.
Stewart: TIDAL WAVE
Margaret: I think it’s cute! In a perverse and disgusting sort of way.
Stewart: She killed my brother! With a car.
Margaret: And now she’s gonna get eaten by a cannibal in some sort of weird post-sexual ritual! Win-win, right?
Andrzej: If we are to copulate, I will need to rub the sacred sour keys over my body for half an hour first. I shall be in the lavatory, and please do not allow this hideous cheerleading woman to enter and lick me clean.
Jewel: That only happened once!
Rosemarie: I haven’t got all day! My groin is itching!
Margaret: I am going to go over to where the bookshelf is.
Stewart: I am going to follow you.
Rosemarie: ARE WE BOTHERING YOU GUYS OR SOMETHING
Andrzej: I didn’t see him applying his sour keys.
Stewart: We have our own kind of traditional courtship around here.
Margaret: It’s a lot less sticky!
Stewart: Well… but that comes later, anyway.
Margaret: You’re certainly a charmer, mister Murphy.
Stewart: I’ve spent enough time with the rest of my family to know how not to be sexy, and the process of elimination doesn’t take long from there.
Margaret: I’m gonna go powder my nose. Because I haven’t got any sour keys.
Stewart: If anyone says “sour keys” again I’m gonna have to go to the store.
Rosemarie: Look at me! I’m sexy and charming too!
Andrzej: You looked up our little-known knuckle-licking ritual! I am legitimately touched!
Rosemarie: Let’s blow this pop joint, and do some illegitimate touching. And by “let’s blow this pop joint” I mean “let’s go somewhere else so I can blow you.”
Andrzej: My innocent, soft-spoken angel.
Andrzej: We must take separate paths, lest the wolves take us both. It is customary.
Rosemary: You did brush your teeth after lunch, right? I heard what you did before breakfast.
Rosemarie: I bet this is the only consensual sex that ever happens up here!
Rosemarie: I’m allowed to make rape jokes, I’m a woman.
Andrzej: You certainly are.
Rosemarie: I keep expecting you to end your sentences with “chiquita.” Why is that?
Because all horrible foreigners sound alike.
Rosemarie: Thank god I’m from a real country.
Andrzej: You have way too many laws here, though.
Rosemarie: Let’s see if we can’t break a few.
Men like it when you hold their penises and talk about breaking things.
Andrzej: The second part is forgiven by the first.
Andrzej: And all is forgiven by this.
I call bullshit. No way is that thing fitting in there.
Nope! Not buying it. Pics or it didn’t happen.
Technically I said pics.
She’s being awfully quiet.
Andrzej: Do women normally talk with giant penises in their mouths?
Around here? Yes! All the time!
All great speeches are made that way.
Rosemarie: I know it was really in there, but yeah, I’m gonna have to agree. Bullshit.
Rosemarie: You went stiff as a board at the end there. Mind if I loosen you up a bit?
Andrzej: That was also a custom of my people. When climax is at hand, our muscles contract and we-
Rosemarie: No, that’s not a custom, that’s-
Andrzej: And then we emit-
Rosemarie: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP
Andrzej: We do not love god. We fear him, and his albino police.
Rosemarie: I must have been imagining most of today.
If it helps anyone to sleep at night, we can pretend it was all in Stewart’s head.
And destroy it, in retribution.
Rosemarie: Man, drink in that romantic ambience!
Andrzej: Stupid foreign shit! Clichés!
Rosemarie: Excellent, my filters are finally working.
Pamela: Do you really need to sit on our communal couch in the nude?
Andrzej: She really does.
Oh god, it’s the mindvirus again.
Rosemarie: Nah, I farted.
Stewart: Bleaah! Did someone fart?
Margaret: I can see why you made this a three-parter. You wouldn’t want to cut any of this solid gold material.
Pamela: The way Rosemarie cut the cheese.
Margaret: I’m waiting for the right moment with the right guy. I want my first time to be special.
Margaret: What about you, Andrzej? Have you had sex? Was it special?
Andrzej: Everything is special when you’re a joke character.
Rosemarie: HE’S TURNED ME OFF MEN IN GENERAL
Rosemarie: And EACH OF THESE MEN IN SPECIFIC.
Andrzej: What’s her problem?
Margaret: You probably gave her a concussion. From inside her mouth.
Andrzej: Yeah, that thing’s like a battering ram.
August: Doing some skilling?
Rosemarie: No, I’m trying to keep my cracked skull from breaking open.
Julie: Do what I do, and strain all your bones until they’re brittle!
Andrzej: Look, Margaret, people from my country don’t kiss and tell.
Margaret: Alright then.
Andrzej: But we do facefuck and tell, and let me tell you, I fucked that chick’s face.
Coy: Look at me I’m a character fuh fuh fuhhh.
Calvin: Hey baby, you seeing anybody?
Margaret: I’m not seeing anybody interesting, if that’s what you mean. And I’m looking right at you.
Rosemarie: Do you think he’s jealous yet?
Hmm? Oh, no, I don’t think so really. I doubt he wanted to suck Andrzej’s dick that badly.
August: I’m game, if only to put my lips where her lips were.
Rosemarie: This trilogy went to a bad place.
No. It went to a dozen bad places. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
Andrzej: In my country, men wear high heels. It is a sign of authority! And back pain.
August: Your country is stupid.
Stewart: And he’s a pig, too.
Exams! Quick, Rosemarie! Run!
Stewart! Exams! Get moving!
Calvin! Oh god! Take a shower!
Stewart: How’d you do, Rosemarie?
Rosemarie: Oh! We’re talking now? Well, I-
Stewart: BAM BUH BUH BAM BAM LOUD MUSIC CAN’T HEAR YOU
Rosemarie: I’m glad you’re not trying to be the bigger man, because there’s no WAY you’re bigger than Andrzej. By which I mean-
BY WHICH SHE MEANS WE’RE DONE HERE.
Rosemarie: No, let me finish. STEWART! ANDRZEJ HAS A-
Next time: a porno in two parts. No, seriously.
Rosemarie: HE GAVE ME A BRAIN CLOT