The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 117

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week, and usually on Tuesdays!

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Hi! How you guys doing? Whoah, slow down! Not all at once! I’ve got time to hear from BOTH OF YOU.

Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…

THERE I DID ONE ARE YOU HAPPY


Margaret: Are you coming on to me, mister?
Stewart: Not at all! I just want to be friends!

Stewart: Friendliness has so many benefits.

Stewart: Let’s be friends who benefit.

Jewel: Before you suggest it, no.

Margaret: I have class tomorrow, mister. We’d better get some sleep.
Stewart: Yes. You and I should sleep. Together, we should sleep.

Stewart: I wish she’d rearrange my words for me.

Andrzej: I wonder how picky you have to be to reject eight different chairs.

Rosemarie: That’s women for you.

Rosemarie: We’re very picky.

Jewel: I’ll take over from here.

Jewel: Got a screwdriver? If you take those shelves off, I can be on all fours up there in no time.

Rosemarie: I think Stewart had the right idea.

Jewel: You might want to give Calvin some time to get his clothes back on.

Coy: I like your new door decoration.

Rosemarie: Please stop being literally impossible. Or at least stop being it in my room.

Rosemarie: Man… a double bed is a terrible thing to waste.

It would definitely be wasted on these shitheads, though.

Brooke: What’s all this for?

Secret drafty liasons. Now get out.

Rosemarie: Okay, new goal: secret drafty liasons.

Stewart: I hear that.

Rosemarie: Wait’ll he sees this.

Coy: Let me shield your eyes. It’s for your own good.
Margaret: Listen to the man. Your eyes are your best feature.

Rosemarie: Don’t protect those eyes, Stewart. Feast them.
Stewart: These pancakes do look pretty good!

August: SERIOUSLY? Stop it with this Jim and Pam shit.

Only if you stop it with this Kevin shit.

Because he’s funnier than you are.

Rosemarie: But August’s a lot hotter.

Than a fat man with no neck.

Rosemarie: IT STILL COUNTS.

Rosemarie: Oh dear me, I’m still in my nightgown.

Rosemarie: This is unfortunate and accidental, as it is tight and revealing.

Stewart: She said to the empty room.

Stewart: …aaaaand reality sets in.

Stewart: I need to do laundry anyway.

Rosemarie: Take him away with my plate, would you?

Rosemarie: I’m done with both of them.

August: Do you think they’ll find true love?!
Brooke: Do you think I give a shit?!

Man, real university sucks.

Stewart: So does sharing a bathroom with a coprophage.

Rosemarie: We’re not playing the dictionary game again, are we?

WE’RE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO TODAY.

Margaret: I wonder if it’s possible to call the cops on god.

What the fuck are you doing, anyway?

Margaret: Setting a really lame trap?

August: I have the weirdest feeling that I’m about to fall on my ass.

What is it with you people and the roof?!

There’s nothing up there! There’s nothing in there!

The hell…

Oh.

Rosemarie: What is it? I’m really scared, but I’m too lazy to check.

Andrzej: Mark my words, friends, I’ll have that redhead’s clothes in my dresser by midnight.

Andrzej: This morning I made a drink of power from the scat of her former lover, in the ancient and storied traditions of my people.

Great. Another shit fetishist.

Ted: You wanna… I dunno… work out, maybe?
Cheryl: No.

Ted: Okay.

It begins.

Stewart: But why does it begin?

Search me.

Note to self: assign new dormies unique majors.

And also maybe unique brains.

Oh, okay. At least they’re forming factions.

Andrzej: ALL BEINGS ARE INFERIOR TO MARIE OF THE ROSE

Calvin: Geez, dude. You need this or something?!
August: Nah, I’m just gonna watch.

August: HOLY SHIT YOU’RE NAKED

August: I’m still gonna watch.

Calvin: New friend!

He wouldn’t be my first choice.

New cheerleaders > old cheerleaders.

Jewel: That’s pointless math. Any positive integer is higher than zero.

Julie: Sorry, Margaret. I’ve changed providers.

Margaret: OH NO NAKED REDUNDANCY

Jewel: Less clothing is always better. I’m a loss cheerleader!

Stewart: AAAAAAH ugly old cheerleader!

Stewart: …I totally have a shot with her.

Margaret: You totally do not.

Before somebody fucking starts with me, yes, the cheerleader is Margaret and yes, the other dormie is also Margaret. I’m not fucking senile.

Andrzej: How does it feel to have lost the power you so unwisely flushed away, Mr. Murphy? How does it feel.

Coy: How did she know I was gonna use her personal information against her? I’ve hardly raped anyone since I moved in here.

Stewart: I have to pretend to be offended in case Margaret sees. The good Margaret. The other one.
Jewel: I understand. Mostly.

Some things I don’t even understand.

Music and Dance Hobby idle? I guess?

Jewel: Watch yourself, honey. He asked one of my girlfriends to play with his balls.

Andrzej: What an excellent idea!

Coy: Awww. I was gonna ask her something dirtier.

Margaret: Fada soola gor!
Cheryl: With clothes on? Man you guys are behind the times.

Margaret: I’m gonna throw this chair and this girl at you, usurper.

Stewart: Margaret, I’ve been wondering…
Margaret: Yes? Yes?!
Stewart: I huh… I buh…

Stewart: I’m gonna have to get back to you.

Margaret: GERBITZ!
August: Yay! Now take off your clothes like you promised.

I’m calling this Operation Desperation.

Margaret: Can I interest you in a cheer?
Pamela: I thought you were playing the Upstairs Amphitheatre.

Margaret: They released me from my contract.
Margaret: I didn’t say that!

That was the other Margaret.

Margaret: She’s not even here!

I know! It was a segue from the previous image!

Margaret: VET YOUR TOWNIE NAMES BETTER

Stewart: She looks like someone sanded off her pores.

Stewart: I don’t like to brag, but I’ve had a pretty hard life. I was raised by robots, and my ex ran over my brother.

Margaret: Uh-huh. And your dad got hit with a falling piano, and your mom got killed in the Crisis on Infinite Earths and therefore never really existed.

Stewart: No, my dad was reverted to young adulthood and my mom is a world-famous mad scientist. Wanna dance?

Margaret: Creativity like that deserves some compensation.

Stewart: I consider you highly non-compensatory.
Margaret: With puppies like these, what would I need to compensate for?

What indeed?

SURE WHY NOT

Margaret: I think he thought I was checking out your package when he took the picture, but then realized I was checking myself out.
Stewart: At least he figured me out correctly.

Stewart: I was totally staring at your tits.

Margaret: Oh, we’re doing random drunk crap now?

Margaret: Rar! I’m a monster!
Stewart: Rar! I’m trying to avoid stroking your body!
Margaret: That’s a strange roar.

Margaret: HELP HELP PULL ME BACK OUT

Stewart: Hey YOU. You’re LAME.

Stewart: And YOU. You’re MEAN.

It’s funny, though.

Stewart: Anyway, I’ve got class. You guys stay classy.

Pamela: Most of us will.

Cheryl: Wanna study together?
Jewel: Huh? Oh, this is just Breaking Dawn. I don’t study much anymore, since I blew all my profs.

Rosemarie: Don’t say shit like that while this dude is in view.

Pamela: Who’s that. Is it a loser?
Margaret: Oh crap. I think it is!
Calvin: It’s nice of you to soften it with rhythm.

Rosemarie: Andrzej! Call me. Call me Rosemarie. Loudly. During sex.

Andrzej: I don’t know why they even feed the rest of you.

Some of them, I get.

Calvin: Some of them I want to get! With. I want to get with them. The girls. The pretty pretty girls.

Andrzej: My mother in the old country, she cooks the smelly flies better.

…is this a dream that Stewart’s having?!

It must be.

Margaret: Hey mister? Can you tell your god to stop watching me in the shower?
Stewart: We can’t tell him anything.

Stewart: It’s like he’s a woman or something.

Stewart: Anystew, my name is Wayart. Wayart Murstewphy. STEWART MURPHY. Goddammit Pamela, CLOSE THAT DOOR.

Margaret: I was enjoying that whole “mister” game, though.
Stewart: Hey, if you want to give me a pet name, I’m not going to object.

Margaret: Do you have one for me?
Stewart: Not one I’d want the others to hear.

Margaret: Quiet! We’re mathing.

Mathers… in a dangerous time.

Please tell me you didn’t want this to happen.

Stewart: REST ASSURED

Stewart: How come you hang out by my door all the time?
Margaret: I like doors. Is that a crime?
Stewart: Depends on how much you like them, and what you do about it.

Stewart: What other kinds of things do you like? Besides doors?

Margaret: I like dudes who can cook, because that exludes most of them automatically.

Margaret: I also like dudes who can cook, because it’s impossible to get a Sim to tell you both of their Turn-Ons unless you have hours to kill.

Margaret: I really dislike makeup, which sucks for you, because you’re so Maxis.

Margaret: And I also like dudes who can cook.

Margaret: And hats.

Stewart: OH MY GOD! I’d beat myself up!

Margaret: That’s not really a hat.
Stewart: And I’m not really a douche.

Stewart: Or am I? What do you think?

Margaret: I think if you’re a douche, then I must need one. Good lord that’s disgusting.

Stewart: Nobody’s ever said something that horrible for me before.

Margaret: What are friends for?

Margaret: And STILL no date.

Maybe next time? Let’s see.

Next time: nope. Not for you, anyway.

Exciting!

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