The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 116

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week, and usually on Tuesdays!

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And now for something not completely incompetent.

I like to change things up every once in a while.

Welcome to the University of Centreborough! It’s a university, and it’s in Centreborough! They had a contest to come up with the name, but none of the suggestions were original enough, so they got creative instead.

I got a bit creative too. As the name suggests, U of C is actually in my downtown neighbourhood. And by actually, I mean no, not actually. It’s a duplicate ‘hood. The real downtown now has dummy buildings representing the university, and the university has dummy buildings representing the city. It’s pretty dumb. And by dumb I mean awesome.

This is the dorm. It is where pissing happens.

I thought it might be fun to recolour those pennants with my new university mascots.

It wasn’t.

If you’re ever thinking about recolouring that model, just kill yourself instead.

U of C’s school colours are what, oh my god, and why.

I don’t know if that’s RGB or CYMK.

This is the Young Science Building. It is where young science happens. Young Science doesn’t happen here, because she’s busy elsewhere.

The stele out front displays the images of four people who made the world a better place.

Except for zombies. They made it a shitty fucking place for zombies.

But that was not the specific theme of the stele, because we’d have had to make it hexagonal.

Because William and Cecilia.

…what does…

Oh! Yeah! I guess there used to be a campground there! I seem to think I really agonized over this too. Which is great, because fuck that campground, I forgot it existed until literally right this moment.

Anyway, this is a park. It has no toilets, and so we shall never visit it.

Much like the campground which preceded it.

So that’s some nice historical symmetry there at least.

This contains the campus store. Which is where we store the campuses. Or something.

I guess some classrooms and offices? This thing is half-dummy. Kinda like most Americans. The Secret Society is in a hidden version of the same building in the same spot, which makes it a dummy of a dummy. Or… a dummy of a half-dummy. Is that a 1.5 dummy, or a 3 dummy? I’m not dumb enough to figure this out right now.

There’s also two parking lots, but do you really need pictures of those?

I almost put some in just now. As a joke. But it’s not a good joke, and that’s too much effort for a bad one.

So yeah, it’s small. I did that on purpose so I could make it a lot more detailed than the other one. Like that map. That map is accurate. I know accurate maps turn you on, baby, so I did it for you.

Tada! Bros and hos.

I “made” those cheerleader outfits with some judicious chopping and recolouring, and spewed out those three bunny costume recolours too.

U of C has three different bunny mascots. The pink one is Hoppy. He’s a sassy fella. The yellow one is Floppy, the good-natured optimist.

The green one is Soppy. He cuts himself and probably has diabetes.

Admit it. You wish you were me.

Well, we can negotiate.

Stewart: Young adulthood! Breaking the mold.

Boldly going where only one of your seven siblings has gone before.


Rosemarie: Before you get snorky, you might wanna take a look at those windows.


Well you still transitioned stupid.

Rosemarie: Hi Stewart! Funny us going to the same university and all! I’m definitely not following you in search of forgiveness and sex or anything.

Stewart: It’s lovely to see you again, murderer.

Rosemarie: That went well.

Well you’d better walk stupid forever now to compensate.

Rosemarie: This is my preppy walk. It’s so they know I’m well-bred.

They’ll need all the clues they can get.

I haven’t decided on a nickname for these things yet.

Rape Llamas were pretty popular.



Pierce: I think that matches her outfit better.

Hey. Hey. Why am I back in the dorm.

Stewart: Game crashed. Good plan, by the way, putting the new university in Crash City.

Meanwhile, Rosemarie sneaks away from the vanishing point.

Rosemarie: Let’s try this again.

Stewart: How come I turned out looking so normal?

I dunno, but I’ve got lots of time to fix that.

Rosemarie: They wasted all my normal on him.

Rosemarie: Hey, have you noticed? Your screenshots look competent now!

Yeah, it’s almost like I started to care or something!


I’m almost loathe to change this.

Romeo: Sweet! They have hot cheerleaders here!
Erin: Don’t be dense, Romeo. That’s a prostitute.

August: Who ordered the exotic dancer?


Not at all! Please everyone, embarass her more.

Romeo: Bella Goth? That’s so Sims 1.

If only.

Rosemarie: Do you have anything in-
Brooke: The brothel is on the other end of town, ma’am.

Rosemarie: I’m definitely going to miss this undeniable hilarity.

Rosemarie: Remember to take my bags into my cabin, please, porter.
Brooke: My hat is ironic now. Whereas you would look like a working girl in any time period.

August: I didn’t pick a major because no playable is ever going to pick me.
Romeo: Very prudent and very true.

I dunno.

The way they prowl around, Rape Bunnies almost seems inevitable already.

Hoppy: Anything good on?
Calvin: This show is awesome! I’ve seen dozens of names already!

Ira: You guys really have no clue, do you.

Well well. That’s a definite improvement. You’re walking normally now, too.

Rosemarie: It’s like I was sneaking around so nobody would see what I was wearing, for some reason.



I’m so awesome.

Tracy: Late for the big game?

As well he might.

As well he should.

I thought you’d pick a room near Stewart.

Rosemarie: What, and listen to him blubber all night about his dead brother? I’m trying to turn him on, not turn me off.

Rosemarie: Although I’m not going to have to try very hard.

Oh good, you’re going to get molested tonight.

Rosemarie: Meanwhile, boring university shit.

Stewart: It’s what’s forever!

Stewart: And ever… and ever…

Rosemarie. LOCK YOUR ROOM.

Before he leaves, so he starves in there.

Good, good. Make sure you get all the borings in.

Hm. Did you maybe hit the steering wheel with your head when you ran over Leonard?

Stewart: Let’s keep talking about my dead brother, that never gets old.



This is why it’s never a good idea to snap a picture when someone with glasses is leaving or arriving.

Kana: There is never a good reason to take a picture of that guy.

Thankfully, there is a spectrum around here.

And my favourite park of it is pink.

Lucy Cherry: A lot of people like my pink bits.

Lucy: And also my ass.

Stewart: And also dat ass!
Wendy: I’d turn around, but you even sound disgusting.

Soppy: Can I follow you around?
Harmony McBee: I wish you wouldn’t.

Soppy: Awesome.

Lucy: Have you slept with anyone from the football team yet?
Harmony: Try everyone from the football team!
Lucy: Score!
Harmony: Thanks! And hey, nice sports pun.
Lucy: Thanks!

This is pretty much what university has become in the real world.

Stewart: Don’t I know you?
Brooke: I don’t know any old people.

Hurry! While she’s stretching! While she accidentally looks pleased to see you!

Stewart: Hello there! I’m Stewart Murphy. The science building is named after my mom! So basically you work for me.

Stewart: I’ve recently suffered a family tragedy which makes me very vulnerable and deserving of sympathetic female affection.

Stewart: And also I’ve wasted all that on someone who really isn’t very hot.

Soppy: I still think you’re hot.
Lucy: Thanks, Max.

Soppy: I thought you looked hotter in the shower this morning, though.
Lucy: …thanks, Max.

Romeo: Are you even listening?
Harmony: That sure doesn’t sound like me!

Romeo: You can’t steal my shirt and my girl!

Your shirts are a little bit different.

Stewart: And so is the girl. Meeeeowwwww.

Stewart: My brother got hit by the bus! On my birthday! He exploded like a bowel pinata, all over me. I still see it when I close my eyes. BECAUSE BITS OF HIM ARE STILL UNDER MY EYELIDS.

Harmony: You should do stand-up!

Stewart: Something’s standing up for you, baby.
Romeo: I hope I’m allergic to this.

Soppy: Oh shit, I’m terrifying!

Stewart: Wanna play with my balls?
Romeo: I’ll go get my bat!

I’m sure I’ve done that one before.

Not sure enough to think of a better one, though.

Brady: Yeah, that sounds like you.

Harmony: Do you like kissing and cuddling and sex? Because if you just want me for my brains, that’s a major turn-off.

Stewart: I definitely do not want your brains. Despite what you may have heard about people from Pine Valley.

Harmony: …you’re from Pine Valley? Suddenly I have to go. Wait. No. Suddenly you have to go.

Harmony: Please don’t kill me.

Stewart: I bet this is how people from Jersey feel.

I bet this is how Americans feel.

Stewart: I came here specifically to start a new life away from all that shit back home. Why is Rosemarie here?

Because you came about ten miles to start a new life away from all that shit back home.

And also she’s stalking you.

Rosemarie: Hi Stewart! I still love you!

Margaret Wolosenko: Such nice people in this city.

Coy: Oh no! This is that movie about that snake-faced albino who kills little kids with snake-faced albino magic!

Coy: Which is not to say I’m opposed to making friends with albinos, snake-faced or otherwise.
Pamela Chung: It won’t become an issue.

You know, I did build a Secret Society clubhouse in this ‘hood.

You don’t need to co-opt my dorm.

Brooke: You shouldn’t run so fast. Your skirt flaps up and I can see your underwear.
Rosemarie: Please tell the brown-haired dude with glasses about that. I’ve been trying to get him to notice for hours.

Brooke: I’m glad she’s so well-adjusted.

Weirdest before-and-after shot ever.

Pamela: Hi! I’m Pamela! Nice to meet-

Andrzej Gothier: This is my sexy walk.

I’m sure the flowers are absolutely titillated.

Brooke: This dormie shit is retarded. Do we seriously just sit around all day and pretend to do work?

It’s actually a very realistic simulation of university.

Coy: What program are you in?
Coy: For the hearing-impaired?

Brooke: Get these things away from me.

Jewel Watts: I’m an expert at getting dudes away from other chicks.

Jewel: Hey now, not all at once! And no bitches.


That’s what my undergrad was like.

This, though, not so much.

Leonora: I’m not used to there being so little piss near the mailbox.

Jewel: Hey ugly! Thanks for all the contrast, it’s much appreciated.

Stewart: Somehow raging bitch doesn’t always translate into raging erection.

Sometimes, on the other hand…

…there’s a raging erection in the other hand!


Wow, what were we talking about again?

Right, right, how I’ve wasted my life.

Stewart: It’s better than the alternative!

Success is for assholes.

Then again, so are sports games.

And learning.

Rosemarie: And me! Bring on the assholes. And the dicks. But no dicks in assholes, please, okay? That’s not my thing.

Jewel: If you reject anyone on that basis, send ’em my way.

Rosemarie: Since my main purpose here is basically doomed, I might as well learn something.

You might learn that it’s not as doomed as you think.

Stewart: Luckily I have a playlist on my SimPod about how much relationships suck.

All single dudes do.

Stewart: Good god, I could feel that through the door!

Margaret: Sometimes you’re the pigeon, sometimes you’re the statue, and sometimes you’re the only one with your freakin’ hot skintone by sheer random chance.

Stewart: And sometimes boo hiss yuck.

Margaret: I’m going to have to agree with him, if only because you’re watching me poop.

Yeah, we really don’t need another one of those.

Andrzej: No we don’t! We need more of these instead.

Stewart: Isn’t Rosemarie dreamy?
August: What you call dreams, I call the other thing.

Stewart: I kissed her once. Naked.

Rosemarie: Hello stranger! I want to kiss you many times! On your penis. Naked.
Andrzej: You won’t find that line in a book!
Stewart: Sure you will, but only in a specific kind of bookstore.

Speaking of books…


Stewart: Have you met my new boyfriend, Stewart? His name is Andrzej and we’re going down to the waterfront tomorrow.

Stewart: Oh yeah? Gonna run him over with a boat?

Rosemarie: Grmblmrmbl run you over with a boat…

Any time you want, baby.

Any time you want.


Margaret: You have a certain blithe charm, mister.

Margaret: So I’m gonna steal your books.

Calvin: …suddenly I need to take a shower. Anybody got any ice?

Stewart: What’re you doing in my room?
Margaret: Is it a problem for you?

Stewart: Not at all.

Stewart: As long as I’m in here too, and we’re alone.

Next time: sexual tension!

It’s what’s for blue balls.

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