Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!
Turns out waiting at the dentist for like five hours really helps you catch up on your work.
If you can call this work.
And you can.
Richard: .oO(When I learn to talk, I’m calling the Social Worker.)
Kendra: Don’t know what his problem is, I’m providing for him like fuck!
Kendra: With fucking. Hey Andrew! Wanna come over? For fucking?
Kendra: I thought you might.
Andrew: Ever since Cameron got Kendra’s haircut I’ve fantasized that I’m fucking a shapeshifter.
That hasn’t happened yet.
Andrew: A time-travelling shapeshifter.
Andrew: Thank god we’re not swingers, though. This way I’m cheating on my wife, but I don’t have to explain my stupid fetishes to her.
Kendra: One of the police chiefs got his ass kicked.
Kendra: By a greaser.
Andrew: What’s that got to do with pushing me down the stairs?
Kendra: Sorry, I forgot. That’s the police chief’s fetish.
Andrew: Yeah, mine’s a much more healthy one. Adultery.
Andrew: But sex in a tiny money forest is growing on me.
You almost can’t see the vagina for the reified metaphors.
Cheryl: Nobody knows what that word means.
Well they can look it up then.
I like how they always stare at it first, like they’re trying to imagine it tastes like something that is not a penis before they stick it in there.
Kendra: It never really works.
Andrew: It works for me, though. And the customer is always right.
Andrew: Yay! I got 3angrydivorce0 Aspiration Points!
Kendra: You can get your own sad money garden with that!
It’s a real shame she’ll never be voted Entrepreneur of the Year.
Kendra: Nobody gives me credit for my single motherhood either, for some reason.
Andrew: How’s Richard doing?
Kendra: Who cares?
Kendra: I just did Andrew! Are you gonna let your son be cooler than you?!
Stephen: Like that could happen.
Kendra: My hatred for Michael is so strong, I wish it could pay me for sex.
Kendra: Or at least help me scrub my shower wall.
What’re you doing?
Stephen: No sex materialized, so I figure I must be the gardener now.
Kendra: You wanna back the fuck off my money, honey?
Stephen: I’m amazed you find the time to take good care of your kid with all this fucking, Kendra.
Kendra: Oh, it’s very simple actually. I don’t.
Stephen: Child abuse is hot.
Stephen: We have so much in common now! Ask my eight children, six of whom are dead.
Kendra: One of them got eaten by a zombie, right?
Stephen: Four of them did, actually. And then all four got mysteriously axed to pieces.
Kendra: That’s a hell of a leg-opener, I’ve gotta say.
Oddly enough, only Stephen’s kisses ever look like kisses.
Everyone else tries to suck the pores off people’s cheeks.
Kendra: I would not at all prefer that.
Kendra: Your muscles are so tight! Let me relieve some of that tension for you.
Stephen: I know a better way to do that.
Stephen: We’re not bothering the kid, are we?
Kendra: He’s asleep.
Richard: .oO(I’m trying to die, actually.)
Kendra: Did you just try to impregnate me?
Stephen: We Murphys have large broods, because few younglings grow to maturity.
Kendra: You’re lucky you’re the only non-poresucker in town, Stephen.
HEY KENDRA YOU MAD ABOUT SOMETHING
Kendra: Hi, is this Poppy Whittaker? I hear you’re a lesbian!
Poppy: I’m married to Michael Whittaker now.
Kendra: He’s basically a woman. A big floppy vagina of a woman AND I HATE HIM SO MUCH. Come over here and have sex with me so I can get my female rage erection on.
Poppy: That kind of absurd wordplay deserves some kind of reward.
Poppy: And I deserve a hot black chick kind of reward!
Kendra: Hey, your sister is that movie star, right?
Poppy: TV, actually!
Kendra: Oh, never mind then. I thought she was someone important.
Kendra: I want to do mind-blowing things to you for revenge.
Poppy: I can’t be out late, Michael needs me to change his pectoral wax every four hours.
Poppy: Speaking of which, what do you use on that ass?
Kendra: I slap it with crotches. During sex.
Poppy: I don’t think Michael would like that.
Kendra: Go to a biker bar, pick up some dudes, bring them home, try it out. But make it a surprise. Maybe a birthday present. He likes things like that.
Poppy: You’re so evil! You remind me of Daisy.
Poppy: Just the other year, this bitch got all mad because I cheated on her with another gender.
Kendra: Bitches! We crazy.
Poppy: Crazy hot.
Kendra: Last time I did this, we cut immediately to sex.
Poppy: I’m more of a segue kind of gal.
Poppy: And also I’m just here as a favour to the Maker. He wants a bunch of excuses to look at your ass.
I almost feel like that ass is its own excuse.
Every man’s fantasy! Apparently.
Admittedly, usually both women are supposed to be attractive.
Poppy: You gonna let him talk to you like that, Kendra?
Stephen: Here, have these nearly dead things.
Poppy: Speaking of which, that sure is a baby on burlap.
Kendra: Child abuse is popular! Everyone loves Bing Crosby.
ALL MY MESSY SHIT UP IN THE WHOREHOUSE
Kendra: That did seem like a complicated way of signifying a kiss.
I can see why your sister got that nosejob now.
Kendra: Yeah, we need some hot lesbians around here. How did you get that so wrong?
Poppy: I choose to believe I looked better before the car crash.
Hahaha, yeah. You were, like, a totally different person.
Your life might be shit, but the view sure is nice.
Kendra: I’m like Robert Pattinson!
Kendra: Only he probably doesn’t get excited by a hundred bucks.
Kendra: People need to stop talking shit about my parenting skills. I’m building a better life for my son!
Yeah? Because it looks to me like you’re building him a bed covered in dirt.
Ohhh. I get it. You’re making a baby shower.
Kendra: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR PUNS
Kendra: It did get him pretty clean, though. Once the pressure knocked him out and he stopped resisting me.
Kendra: Hey! You’re ugly, you must be gay.
Brandi Bransfield: IT’S JUST A COINCIDENCE
Kendra: Victor Cwik is a stupid dick!
Some people really do not like cops.
Brandi: No, I just really like limericks.
Brandi: And also vaginas.
JUST IN CASE WE FORGOT HUH
What are we even doing? Thank god this is just a Tuesday.
Roger: Hi Brandi! Are you a ho now?
Brandi: I was a client here, thank you very much.
Roger: WHAT BUT HOW DOES VAGINA GO ON VAGINA
Craig: In my dreams.
Kendra: We could make those dreams a reality!
Craig: Unfortunately, in my dreams I can afford it.
Kendra: You’re impotent, right? My schedule’s free today, I’m looking for a challenge.
Jessie: I like a woman who’s turned on my erectile dysfunction. By neccessity.
Kendra: Take me, Jessie! And then I’ll take your money.
Jessie: Who says romance is dead? It just got practical.
And then I got bored and stopped taking pictures.
Surprised it took that long, really.
Next time: a whole new university!
It’s actually pretty awesome.