Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!
Better late than lousy.
Sometimes I forget that you have an actual job.
Daisy: Gotta make the kills to pay the bills!
I was under the impression that you were only playing a serial killer on TV. Admittedly, a serial killer who secretly was you, but still.
Daisy: Yeah, but funny story… they let me bring in my own “prop” axes, and the extras keep going missing.
Kaylynn: So, you wanna..
Kaylynn: Me either.
Kaylynn: But look, if we keep our Aspirations up we might make it out of here alive!
Sullivan: I forgot how hot it is when captive victims still have hope. I never should have sold my cabin out in the woods.
Something seriously astonishing better happen to those genetics before she hits adulthood.
Or she won’t be allowed to.
Sulllivan: Hey look, I’m gonna piss myself!
Kaylynn: It doesn’t seem to be bothering you too much.
Sullivan: You’ll understand when you’re older. Which won’t happen, but still.
Kaylynn: Don’t count me out just yet. You can’t keep a good Kaylynn down!
Sullivan: I hear they installed revolving doors in hell because of you.
And they’re preparing a presidential suite for Daisy.
Kaylynn: What’re you doing?
Sullivan: I’m writing a shitty Mary Sue fanfic about myself.
Sullivan: It’s called Bugs Fuckworthy, Secret Talent Agent.
Kaylynn: I hear your old man dick is still pretty much intact.
Sullivan: The last time I had sex, it was with the worldly incarnation of evil. That’s a pretty tough act to follow.
Sullivan: But your necrotic halitosis is a very close second.
Kaylynn: Oh god, we’re in hell already aren’t we.
Sam: Make sure to stand up every half hour. I don’t wanna have to spatula frozen baby ass off the concrete.
Kaylynn: Oh god, Sullivan! You’re making me so wet!
Sullivan: That’s the truth, but not in the way you’re thinking.
Kaylynn: At least I know he’s empty now.
Sullivan: My trick second bladder gets ’em every time!
Kaylynn: We’re both going to die in here.
Kaylynn: This time I intend to be the last one standing, though.
Sullivan: You’ll be standing waist-deep in my urine, then.
Kaylynn: I’ve had worse dates.
Kaylynn: Thanks for the Aspiration Points, Sully. It’s time for the sweet, sweet taste of victory.
Sullivan: Except I peed all over those points before I gave them to you.
Sullivan: Good luck pretending it’s lemonade.
Sullivan: STOP BLOODING MY PISS WITH YOUR ZOMBIE CLOUD
I liked you better when you were dead.
Sullivan: YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.
Sullivan: Look, it’s nothing personal, but until they prove that there’s no ghost women in the walls of this house, I’m going to keep my options open.
Daisy: She must have slipped off my roof rack.
YOU STOLE SOMEONE’S BABY?!
Daisy: It’s been a terrible day. They put “I, Serial Killer” on hiatus because someone keeps murdering all the guest stars.
WHOSE BABY IS THAT DAISY
Daisy: Everyone indulges in some guilty pleasures when they’re depressed.
Daisy: Most people’s guilty pleasures don’t haves such a high black market value, though.
Andrea: MAMA! MAMA!
Daisy: Stop that baby shit. This is Kelsey White. She’s your new sister.
Kelsey… Kelsey? Wait, is that…
Daisy: But remember, she’s not the eldest, so she’s not worth spit. I expect you to start some Cinderella-level beef with her before she’s twelve.
Andrea: THE FUCK YOU LOOKIN’ AT
Sullivan: EAT CONCRETE, SPLOOGE SPONGE
Daisy: What? WHAT? You gonna be a whiny bitch forever now, Andrea? You might want to keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to dump a baby than it is to steal one.
Kaylynn: Watch your ass, Kearney!
Sam: I always do. My dad used to get touchy-feely when he was drunk.
Sam: Wait a minute… where did you come from?!
Sam: I’m only getting paid for one.
This closet is ruining my framerate.
Daisy: Aww, look, Kelsey! They’re playing.
…yeah. That’s what I thought. That’s Dylan Price. That’s Chelsea’s kid. Did you call her Kelsey specifically to attract unwanted attention?
Daisy: It’s been a while since I killed me a cop. I get cravings sometimes.
Daisy: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK, BABY?!
Oh good, she’s deaf.
If only she were blind too, she’d like this neighbourhood a lot.
Calling a nanny?
Daisy: Calling my Swiss bank.
Daisy: It’s time for a hiatus holiday!
Sullivan: I’M GOING TO CHEW YOUR CLOACA
Daisy: It’s so hard to leave all this behind.
No, no. Take another shot. I’m sure you can get a worse one.
Bellhop: Have you stayed here before, ma’am?
Daisy: No, but two people I murdered have. One of them was my dad.
Bellhop: I understand your joke, ma’am, but the locals may not share our unique brand of SimNational humour.
Daisy: That’s too bad, because I’ve got some howlers about black women in plantation maid dresses.
Nicholas Barthelet: I hear these shrines contain the secrets of long life and inner peace.
Nicholas: BUT THAT’S STILL PRETTY FUNNY
Tour Guide: HAHAHA YOU’RE NOT ASIAN NICHOLAS
Nicholas: I am too! In an honourary sense. I have my own fan dub of Dragon Ball Z on YouTube.
Tour Guide: FOREIGN SCAMPS
Daisy: Is there any good reason I shouldn’t just stand here doing this all day?
Daisy: I really don’t see how there could be.
Daisy: I think I’ve found inner peace already!
Yeah, this is how I remember most of my vacations. Pretty scenery… intriguing cultures…
Americans bitching about god knows what…
What? You don’t know this dude?
Neither do I, the fuck is his problem.
Daisy: Hmm… this blue shirt might look nice as something completely different.
Brooke: Just the one pile of clothes that aren’t what you’re buying, ma’am?
Daisy: I didn’t see any boxes of jewellery that turn into other jewellery that I actually want, so I guess so.
The femme fatale look is usually darker than that.
Daisy: That’s okay, I’m more of a femme demoniaque.
Funny you don’t have any tan lines.
Daisy: Turns out baby’s blood makes for a great artificial tan.
Daisy: THE FUCK YOU LOOKIN’ AT
Daisy: Time to complete the look.
The “ridiculous whore” look?
Daisy: The dangerous whore look.
So what are we doing here?
Daisy: I’m looking to make an investment in my human capital.
Don’t use that neoliberal shit on me.
Daisy: I’m hoping to plunder the wealth of SimAsian knowledge.
Daisy: I want to fucking teleport, where the fuck are the fucking ninjas.
Oh god, Daisy, teleporting.
Oh god oh god.
Also WHAT IS THAT IN THE SKY
Daisy: Have you seen any ninjas?
Brooke: OH NO THERE’S ONE BEHIND YOU hahaha
Daisy: Oh HAHAHA, very funny, hahaha! You won’t be laughing
Daisy: WHEN CTHULHU COMES FOR YOU
Kiera Dennis: Where did you get that authentic SimAsian outfit?!
Daisy: Hey look, it’s an internationally-renowned villain who’s supposed to be dead.
Yeah, and Chandler Greaves is here too.
Vanessa Chen: Your breasts, such big, wow.
Marie Guevera: I think I need to see my opthamologist. I keep seeing deceased secret agents.
Knut Alioto: That’s okay, we’re going to kill you all anyway. You know too much, yadda yadda yadda, you understand.
Tour Guide: Fancy an exciting tour, pretty lady?
Daisy: Why don’t you go on a tour?
Tour Guide: Hahaha what?! No way! They blow!
Daisy: I’ve reached the conclusion that someone’s gone all concrete overshoes on the ninja population. I’m hoping some of them kept how-to instructions in their wallets.
Daisy: Goddammit! I’m not fishing for fish!
Gosh! That’s a strange fish you caught there! On top of that, it weighs 32 pounds!
Daisy: The fucking pond guy will just make you throw it back. You’re better off snagging his hat.
Tour Guide: Was that a Zelda joke?
Tour Guide: Marry me?
Tish Leive: You don’t think acid in the face was a bit extreme?
Tour Guide: Turns out I can’t be deformed any further.
This needs to stop.
Before she shows up at my house.
Stacy Rusewicz: LAME. I’d like to see you try to make the Statue of Liberty disappear.
Daisy: I don’t know about that, but I’m aces at making teens disappear.
Christa: You must not be from around here.
Says the SimAsian caricature.
Daisy: So, when do the ghosts start showing up?
Daisy: WELL WE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN HOLDING HANDS THEN
I thought you came to Takemizu for nefarious purposes.
Daisy: I did.
So why are you getting a naked ass massage?
Daisy: Because the SimAsian branch of ENTROPY is cliquing around outside, and I don’t want them recognizing me.
Daisy: And there are other good reasons, too.
Daisy: You got any of that smelly shit?
Brooke Jeffress: You mean massage oil?
Daisy: If that shit’s smelly, then yeah. That shit. Gimme some of that shit.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I shall take it from here.
Brooke: Over my dead body!
Daisy: Or his.
Daisy: I do admire your audacity, though. And your wicked ‘stache.
THE FUCK YOU LOOKIN’ AT
Either of you.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: So this is what she smells like naked.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I must find a way to monetize it.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I’ll just be taking this.
Chandler Greaves: But… I’m an internationally-renowned villain!
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Try proving that without your wallet.
Daisy: This must be why dads like leaves so much.
Secret… Asian men! Secret… Asian Men!
It had to happen eventually.
Tour Guide: Now look, you upset them and they’re leaving.
Danielle St. Julien: WHAT IS THIS FOREIGN SHIT
Daisy: Tell me about it.
Next time: the other half of this time. It should have been one chapter, but silly me, I promised you something for today.
So I cheated.
You expected better of me?