Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!
Get used to it.
Checking in with Mother again?
Cameron: It beats sitting around staring at the yellow wallpaper.
Roger: You know, it’s a federal offense to interfere with the mail.
Daisy: I was just going to interfere with their lives.
Roger: Oh, that’s okay then.
Cameron: So yeah, I hear they’re still agitating to have us ex-zombies tried as war criminals. I can count on you to represent me, right?
Ember: That depends on whether or not I think I can win. Mommy’s got a career to think about, after all!
Andrew: My wife, the convict! Hot.
Daisy: I’ll pay you both to kill yourselves!
Kent: How would we benefit from that?
Caryl: If we’re dead, yeah?
Daisy: You’re too stupid to worry about that.
Kent: Oh! Right.
Daisy: Hey y’all! The door was locked, so I thought I’d come in.
Andrew: So… um… how’s that baby? That you had? Which I am not the father of?
Daisy: You need to talk to your mother-in-law, buddy, those were some awful leading questions.
Daisy: Anyway, calm down. I’m not gonna tell her you gave me carpet burns.
Andrew: What about all the other people I gave carpet burns to?
Amin: Some of them got pregnant, too.
Amin: I hope we don’t get an entire neighbourhood of Murphys again.
Good luck with that.
At least they don’t tend to live long.
For some reason.
Emerson: .oO(I’m screwed.)
Andrew: You wanna get screwed too, Cam?
Cameron: Dammit! I was sure this fuzzy sweater would disguise my breasts better.
Andrew: HI EMBER YOUR GRANDKIDS ARE AWESOME
Ember: Do you mean ugly?
Andrew: Sort of, yeah.
Cameron: Why are you here?
Daisy: I wanted to thank you for saving my life from those zombies.
Cameron: To make it look less like you staged the whole thing to get me infected?
Daisy: Does your insurance company know you’re so perceptive? Because your premiums might go up.
Cameron: You’re not going to kill me in broad daylight in the middle of the street.
Daisy: You wouldn’t say that if you really knew me.
Daisy: Anyway, I promise I’ll visit you in jail.
Cameron: Maybe we’ll be cellmates.
Cameron: Don’t you have a job or something?
Andrew: I’m working the graveyard shift.
Cameron: Can’t you get anything better? You must have seniority by now.
Andrew: I’m a mad scientist, though. Every shift is the graveyard shift. That’s where we get the parts.
Andrew: Heh… I remember when we used to do stuff.
Yeah, this is much better, isn’t it.
BIRT DAYZ OMG
Kent: Does that mean no more of this? Because that would be pretty much alright.
Kent: I’m rubbing this all over you.
Amin: Fine, I’ll kill you later.
Melanie: How did I get here?!
My theory is you’re always here.
Biding your time.
Melanie: Biding my time for what?
I dunno. A storyline?
Amin: Pff, good luck. We’ve been waiting for ages.
Cameron: Come on, Angelica! Blow!
Angelica: Why waste the effort? I know you’ll pick up the slack.
Andrew: Dammit Nathaniel! Put your belly into it!
Nathaniel: Mommy says not to roll around in fire!
Andrew: And Daddy says understand metaphors.
Melanie: And Melanie says don’t point your telescope at my house even though you didn’t and it’s impossible.
Amin: That definitely needed some metaphors in it!
Amin: And a shotgun to back it up.
Cameron: Hey kids, look! It’s Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!
Melanie: ONE BULLSHIT AT A TIME PLEASE
Angelica: My bullshit first, Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!
Amin: I hate Zombie Queen Melanie Lillard!
Kent: I hate life.
Wow… you actually aged up normal!
Your clothes are alright and everything!
Must be because you’re ugly.
Cameron: And you’re ugly too! You’re ugly too!
Angelica: Can we go back to “coochie coochie coo”? It was somehow less offensive.
Cameron: Then hurry up, bitch, we haven’t got all day.
Nathaniel: Who’s taking care of Emerson?
Angelica: Who cares?
Angelica: THIS HOUSE IS MINE NOW
Cameron: Oh god, it’s the worst of both worlds.
Nathaniel: I’m not that bad.
Just stand next to your sister a lot, and that will become the general consensus.
Angelica: I’m just unique.
And you’ll stay that way. Because nobody’s gonna help you pass on those genes.
Nathaniel: We’re gonna kill the butler!
Angelica: He has to die for his crimes!
Kent: I can’t really argue.
Angelica: We made him into clothes!
Nathaniel: And glasses!
Angelica: That was the hard part.
Nathaniel: Aren’t we adorable?
Fifty years plus… good god. I don’t think I’ll make it.
Angelica: AREN’T WE ADORABLE
As long as they think so, it’s fine.
Getting the grand floor tour, huh?
Emerson: .oO(At least I get to travel a lot for my age.)
Nathaniel: CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD
Nathaniel: AND FEMA
Nathaniel: I burned my muffin.
Angelica: My lobster thermidor needs more butter.
Kent: Apologize to your sister, Nathaniel.
Nathaniel: I’m sorry we didn’t really kill the butler, Ange!
Kent: Good boy.
Pierce: Hey kid, wanna see a-
Nathaniel: My flamingo tells me never to talk to strangers.
Pierce: What if a stranger told you never to talk to flamingos?
Nathaniel: My flamingo tells me I’d have to kill them.
Amin: How’s about you give the kids to me, and I don’t tell your bosses what a tool you are?
Kent: Look, I didn’t ask to be a baby travel agent.
Amin: You’re not a baby travel agent!
Kent: That’s what I said! But that little bastard, he’s got me all confused.
Look! I put some effort in!
Now I can slack off for a few more decades.
Nathaniel: DID I GET EFFORT TOO?!
Kent: Probably not. Your parents spent it all debating whether or not to abort you.
Kent: They decided in favour of it, but the procedure didn’t take.
Nathaniel: He is gonna die, right?
Yeah, I think so. I’m not sure what of, though.
Nathaniel: Good! I can dream, then.
Amin: This sugared sponge is okay.
This is what I do with my real house, too.
Cameron: We never really talk any more.
Cameron: Isn’t that great?!
He’s dreaming about thicker walls.
Andrew: I think you woke the kids up.
Cameron: What can I say? You really know how to work that mechanical hand.
Andrew: She really needs to get checked out, I’m still pissing out embalming fluid afterwards.
Andrew: Sleep tight, honey! Daddy loves you. And probably mommy too, but who knows. Bitches.
Angelica: …close your flap a bit more. Good god.
Andrew: Sleep tight, little-
Nathaniel: I DON’T WANNA SEE YOUR JUNK
Andrew: THAT’S NOT WHAT YOUR MOM SAID
Let’s not put too much stock in whatever that person says, though.
Andrew: I wish she’d wear the wetsuit to bed, but she’s really opposed to cutting a slit in it for some reason.
Elle: Hey kid! Walking to school?
Angelica: Nope! Generating a bus with my mind.
Angelica: Heheh. Knowledge of schedules is power.
Nathaniel: What’s knowledge of toy cars?
Unless you’re a regular on Pawn Stars, nothing.
Stephen: If anyone asks, they were doing this when I got here.
…I thought you became a cop?
Ally: I’m undercover as a cheerleader.
But you were a cheerleader. Before.
Ally: It’s a very good cover.
Jerry: DON’T YOU BELIEVE IT
So yeah, the stupid fucking house bugged out.
Yay for backups.
There are a few weird consequences, though.
Like Ally’s second collegehood.
The fridge door being stuck open.
And apparently that gate being naked.
There’s three babies, Ember.
Ember: So? They’ve both got two arms.
Stephen: DON’T LOOK, XAVIER
Because fuck good camera control.
Isn’t it great that you don’t have to breast feed?
Ember: Thank god for the ESRB.
Stephen: I dunno, I’d like to try it at least once.
Ember: Your persistent and ever-increasing weirdness never ceases to excite me.
Ember: Same goes for you! Only the exact opposite.
So apparently we’re the mafia now.
Ally: SO APPARENTLY I’M A MAFIA MAID NOW
Gerald: HAVE YOU NO DECENCY
Gerald: …what the fuck did I do that for?
Don’t search me.
Ally: Search me!
Gerald: But I can only search your mouth this way!
Ally: Keep searching until you find my tongue!
Gerald: I found it! It’s in my esophagus!
God. Can you not feel the waves of don’t-care I’m sending your way?
Ally: I think it would be a good idea if you move in with us, Gerald.
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU
Gerald: More like, what are you planning to do to me?
All at once.
Ally: Wanna fool around? That tasteful nude outside has me really turned on.
Ally: So, this is our basement. We live here.
Gerald: All of you?
Ally: No, I mean, you and I. And the kids. Who we look after.
Gerald: You mean I’m moving into my own house to remain a fucking maid?!
Ally: Not exactly! You’re more of a live-in butler now.
Gerald: I’m gonna be one of the serial killer ones, not one of the Batman ones.
Ally: Dear Diary, what have I done?
Ally: Oh god he’s nothing at all
Yeah, were you drunk or something?
Gerald: People too often underestimate the life-changing attributes of roofies.
Gerald: Although this whole “still a manslave” thing is kinda getting me down.
Look on the bright side! You won’t live long.
Ally: OR PROSPER.
Ebony and ivory!
Is a moronic metaphor.
Wren: .oO(Yeah, fuck that black kid.)
No! I mean, well, yes, but not because he’s black.
Because he’s Maxis.
Gerald: I’m guessing this is a nudist house. That’s the only acceptable reason for there being a nude picture of my fiancé on the wall.
Ally: What are you, a gate or something?!
What are you doing? You’re not a Family Sim!
Ember: I’ve had just about enough of this caste system bullshit.
ROMANCE SIMS CAN’T DO WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Ember: Fine, the game’s bugged. Happy?
Ember: WELL HELLLOOOO THERE BIG BOY
Ember: Well helloooo there… medium-sized boy.
Gerald: The air conditioning’s on too high.
Gerald: And I’m small boned.
Gerald: And I’m going to have sex with you.
Gerald: We’ve decided we’re exhibitionists now.
Ember: Be sure to tell them that, at the homeless shelter.
Stephen: I wouldn’t have let the eye candy live with us if I knew it was gonna bring manjunk with it.
Ally: Just because I wear a French maid outfit doesn’t make me eye candy!
Sure it does.
Ally: WELL IT’S RUDE TO POINT IT OUT
Gerald: Just so we’re clear, once I marry her, you can’t have sex with her.
Stephen: No worries! Cheating’s totally not my thing.
Gerald: Except now that we’re talking about cheating, you’re glowing. Like it’s your One True Hobby.
Stephen: Nah, my One True Hobby is art. The glow just comes from being really proficient.
Gerald: Well I guess that’s okay then.
Ember: I’m out. Let me know when I care.
Stephen: If I catch the bouquet, I get first dibs on the bride.
Ember: My contract stipulates that nobody gets hot kisses but me.
Sorry guys. A contract’s a contract.
Stephen: They sure do seem to be in love.
Ember: I’m sure there’s something we can do about that.
Gerald: I’m game!
Ally: I’ve killed men in my sleep.
Gerald: I’m game, when she’s at work.
Ally: Stop by while I’m at work, okay, Stephen?
Stephen: I think I’ve seen this porn movie.
Gerald: I would never cheat on my wife! As far as she knows.
Stephen: I believe him! She looks really hot in his speech balloon.
Ally: I think he makes me look tacky.
Ember: Live a little, boy! A ring ain’t no thing.
Ember: Take Stephen and I for example. We’ve been together since well into his first marriage.
Stephen: I wonder why Abigail never disintegrated you?
Ember: It wouldn’t work. None of my atoms can bear to be separated from me. I’m just that awesome.
Stephen: Preaching to the choir, baby.
Stephen: Hey, wanna make arbitrary distinctions between disconnected phenomena?
Ember: As long as we can do it uncomfortably!
Gerald: This is truly where I belong!
Gerald: …on this filthy mattress.
Ember: I assume the filthiness was your contribution?
Stephen: Damn straight! They sell the stupid things clean!
Gerald: Luckily I make all my pajamas out of used bathroom rags.
Ember: Uh-oh! Looks like nobody touched this nothing!
Ember: AND GYPSIES TOUCH OUR NUDIE PICS
Ember: The modern world is so complicated.
Ember: So I’m gonna give my womrats cancer.
I’m sure it would like to complain about that.
But I’ve forgotten its name again, so it can’t.
Ember: Yeah, I’m drawing a blank too.
Ember: HAHAHA slavery.
It’s what’s forever!
Next time: more fucking baby shit.
Let’s call it “girlservice.”
Because they lap that shit up!