Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!
Blah blah blah intro intro intro.
Alright loser, time to stop wasting your life. Because you’re wasting mine, too.
Stewart: Not everyone needs to get an education, you know.
Everyone who isn’t going to be a moron does.
And I wouldn’t like you when you’re moron.
Brooke: HAHAHA ROBOT B.O.!
Case in point.
Stewart: Wow, they’re opening a new university in Centreborough! And you know what that means!
Stewart: Lower requirements!
Stewart: I bet I could enroll my cat.
Shadow: .oO(I bet I could chase you up a tree.)
Stewart: You’re the man of the house now, FRIDAY!
FRIDAY: I always was.
FRIDAY: Have a nice time at university, Master Stewart. Try not to come back so boring.
WEDNESDAY: Did he remind you about the boring thing?
WEDNESDAY: Thank you very much-o, Mr. Roboto, for doing the job nobody wants to!
FRIDAY: I really regret taking on this “listening to you sing Styx” job.
Stewart: Can you tell them I’m not enrolled in public school anymore?
Blazej: I can only communicate with honks.
Blazej: I think the girl behind us likes me.
Abigail: I thought Stewart already went to university.
That was Andrew. Forever ago.
Abigail: Which one was Stewart again, then?
The unremarkable one.
Abigail: They’re all unremarkable!
THEY’RE ALL YOUR KIDS
I can see you’re missing Stewart already.
Shadow: .oO(It’s a lot easier to chew out your own ass when there isn’t such an audience.)
Ocean: I hear you’ve got a few rooms to spare now!
WEDNESDAY: But no patience, unfortunately.
Ocean: I’d be her patient.
No. Patience. She said patience.
Ocean: ‘cuz she’s a sexy, sexy robot nurse.
Ocean: But my suit’s about to rip!
WEDNESDAY: Things are much more orderly without those pesky parasites.
Ocean: So, how long have you guys been living with V’Ger?
Ocean: Lighten up, ladybot. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you!
WEDNESDAY: I’m immortal.
Ocean: What, really? Never mind, that’s terrible.
FRIDAY: Yes, Mistress Abigail. As my creator, it is your right to take me bodily if you wish.
WEDNESDAY: And I might need to spend eternity alone, to boot.
Tyler Kramer: Pfffff. I could flamingo, if I wanted to.
Ocean: I’ve got your back, WEDNESDAY.
WEDNESDAY: That is sweet of you to say, Ocean.
Ocean: And I’ll give it back to you, for a fair price.
Justus: No moon, no stars, pitch black. I’m fuckin’ James Zombie Bond here.
Justus: Well thanks, nature.
Justus: I’ll just drink my death juice.
FRIDAY: You do that.
Justus: MY DEATH JUICE TASTES LIKE DEATH
WEDNESDAY: Did you bring a bag? I’ve got it all right here.
Shadow: .oO(Speak to me…)
The Grim Reaper: NOT UNTIL YOU’RE OLDER.
FRIDAY: Are you missing Master Stewart, Shadow?
Shadow: .oO(It’s no good trying to make me laugh!)
Shadow: .oO(And also you’re hurting me in like fifty different places.)
FRIDAY: You contribute so much to this household, Shadow!
FRIDAY: It can be weighed, even.
FRIDAY: Are you being a moron again, WEDNESDAY?
FRIDAY: Count me in.
And this is why the robot revolution will never happen.
See also: the feline revolution.
Rosemarie: No hard feelings, right?
Rosemarie: Sorry I killed your brother!
Rosemarie: Have this fountain.
I think it’s a fair trade.
FRIDAY: Somebody broke into our house and left a big wet chunk of concrete.
WEDNESDAY: Why would they do that?!
FRIDAY: I think that’s a human mating ritual.
WEDNESDAY: Ohhh. Now I understand that big concrete hole they put in New York!
WEDNESDAY: They should have emptied out those pre-existing buildings first, though.
Brooke: Hi robots! You’re offending a lot of people.
Fine, let’s go to something less offensive then.
How about child abuse?
Rebecca: .oO(I CAN’T BREATHE)
Deborah: Priorities, Rebecca!
Deborah: Tidiness is the only thing that makes life worth living.
Rebecca: .oO(Tell that to my dad.)
Deborah: Hey, William? I just wanted to call and see if they caught the bitch who killed my Lucas.
Deborah: …Deborah. Deborah! THE ONE WITH THE PINK DRESS!
Deborah: We’ve had sex!
Deborah: Wow… really? That many?
Deborah: Should I get checked for anything, then?
Deborah: …I’ve never even heard of vaginal rabies.
Deborah: Maybe that’s how you get dog-faced boys!
Elle: …I really need to know what the first half of that thought was.
Rebecca: .oO(FUCKING STOP IT)
Stinky Skunk: .oO(They have so many skunk feeders in this neighbourhood! It’s really catching on.)
Stinky Skunk: .oO(Too bad some vandal keeps filling them with garbage.)
Deborah: After a hard day at work, it’s nice to come home to my-
Deborah: -stinking hole of what the fuck.
Deborah: …what the fuck is this?
What the fuck is that?!
Deborah: I don’t know why I talk to you, William. It’s like making an obscene phone call to yourself.
Deborah: If you love me, you’ll come over.
Deborah: I should have thought that one through.
Caryl: I’m starting to think Boo Radley must live here.
Alvin: Ahhhhh. That was fun.
Alvin: I’ve been marathoning Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri all night.
Alvin: And I just finished masturbating to the screenshots.
OH FOR FUCK’S
Yeah, it’s about time this place got a touch of class.
Welcome to Yellowhaus.
Kitty: Does the black represent me?
No, it represents how awful it would look if it was literally all yellow.
Kitty: Hey, yellow counters!
Sunny side down! That’s how I like my eggs! Nonsensical.
Kitty: Hey, yellow fridge and microwave oven!
Give it a few years, they’ll both be beige. And it’ll turn out that yellow plastic is a carcinogen.
Kitty: Hey, yellow food processor!
You’re saying “hey” to these things, aren’t you. Like… you’re greeting them.
Kitty: Took you long enough.
Kitty: Most people figure out how lame I am a lot faster than that.
Prof. Johnson: Speaking of which, I am here for your paper and/or garbage can.
Kitty: Good, ‘cuz I’ve got the water mains covered already.
Prof. Johnson: I accept your apology!
Prof. Johnson: AND your newspaper.
Anna: What the hell is this?!
It’s the van you came in.
Anna: Oh, so that’s the official story now, is it?
Anna: Agent Mulder understands me.
Alvin: They said I needed a promotion!
Really? The secret agents said that? To you?!
Alvin: Yeah! They said I needed to be in danger more often.
Alvin: Apparently if none of us get shot for a long time, the public thinks we’re not doing our jobs. And they nominated me unanimously at the office! I’m gonna bake them a butt cake.
You mean bundt cake.
Alvin: No, Lucas left me a recipe.
Did it involve baked brains?
Well, I guess this explains WikiLeaks.
What exactly are you doing?
Anna: Anything but that.
Prof. Johnson: When I leave the can for later, it’s almost like I have a reason to live for most of the day!
Prof. Johnson: I can’t wait to print my book, Revenge for the Soul.
Alvin: Guess I’d better take this inside.
Alvin: ‘cuz I’m dumb.
I always feel like that.
Then again, my head is gigantic.
Kitty: Got promoted again!
What are you now? A Zoomba specialist? Or do you teach lap dances? Or maybe DON’T TELL ME I KNOW IT’LL BE STUPID.
Kitty: Hi honey! Why do you smell like fire?
This is what you do with two odd socks, people.
They belong together.
Kitty: Wanna have sock sex?
Alvin: I already did! After I helped colonize Alpha Centauri this morning.
Alvin: Don’t pay any mind to mommy, Ivy. Daddy is a space colonist.
Wait… you do realize that’s a computer game, right? You’re not actually controlling a space colony.
Alvin: Pff. That’s just the official story. This was the only way they could sell the West on continuing the space program.
Kitty: Have you been talking shit again?
Alvin: Did you forget to say hi to the stairs?
Kitty: FUCK. Hey, balustrade! Hey, Japanese thing! Hey…
Kitty: Pantheism sucks.
Alvin: Theism sucks.
Alvin: My wife sucks!
Alvin: And it’s pretty much okay.
Anna: I’m sure there’s a reason that toilet speaks in tongues.
It used to be an altar for some pretty horrific rituals.
Alvin: Which isn’t to say I don’t still eat a lot of bran!
Anna: The Cigarette Smoking Man says hello, Mrs. Woodrow.
Kitty: Tell him he’s a jerk.
Anna: Hey, naked idiot! Hey, broken television!
Kitty: New outlook, new haircut!
You’re not gonna fingershoot all the furnishings anymore?
Kitty: Sure I am! I’m just gonna watch more X-Files now, so I can get all these stupid jokes you’re making.
Alvin: Man, this is awesome!
Alvin: Good nothing is on!
Ivy: .oO(I’M GLAD I WON’T REMEMBER THIS)
Anna: Oh my god, she called you an oven? Who does that anymore?
Kitty: Hey, totally fired bitch!
Hey, chapter ending!
Next time: I dunno, domestic shit or something.
I’m sure the women will like it.