The Clover County Chronicles, Chapter 108

Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates on Friday every week, and sometimes on Tuesdays!

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Blah blah blah intro intro intro.

Alright loser, time to stop wasting your life. Because you’re wasting mine, too.

Stewart: Not everyone needs to get an education, you know.

Everyone who isn’t going to be a moron does.

And I wouldn’t like you when you’re moron.


Case in point.

Stewart: Wow, they’re opening a new university in Centreborough! And you know what that means!

No prestige.

Stewart: Lower requirements!

Stewart: I bet I could enroll my cat.

Shadow: .oO(I bet I could chase you up a tree.)

Stewart: You’re the man of the house now, FRIDAY!
FRIDAY: I always was.

FRIDAY: Have a nice time at university, Master Stewart. Try not to come back so boring.

WEDNESDAY: Did he remind you about the boring thing?

WEDNESDAY: Thank you very much-o, Mr. Roboto, for doing the job nobody wants to!
FRIDAY: I really regret taking on this “listening to you sing Styx” job.

Stewart: Can you tell them I’m not enrolled in public school anymore?
Blazej: I can only communicate with honks.

Blazej: I think the girl behind us likes me.
Jennifer: HONNNNNK

Abigail: I thought Stewart already went to university.

That was Andrew. Forever ago.

Abigail: Which one was Stewart again, then?

The unremarkable one.

Abigail: They’re all unremarkable!


I can see you’re missing Stewart already.

Shadow: .oO(It’s a lot easier to chew out your own ass when there isn’t such an audience.)

Ocean: I hear you’ve got a few rooms to spare now!
WEDNESDAY: But no patience, unfortunately.

Ocean: I’d be her patient.

No. Patience. She said patience.

Ocean: ‘cuz she’s a sexy, sexy robot nurse.


Ocean: But my suit’s about to rip!

WEDNESDAY: Things are much more orderly without those pesky parasites.

Ocean: So, how long have you guys been living with V’Ger?

Ocean: Lighten up, ladybot. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you!
WEDNESDAY: I’m immortal.
Ocean: What, really? Never mind, that’s terrible.

FRIDAY: Yes, Mistress Abigail. As my creator, it is your right to take me bodily if you wish.

WEDNESDAY: And I might need to spend eternity alone, to boot.

Tyler Kramer: Pfffff. I could flamingo, if I wanted to.

Ocean: I’ve got your back, WEDNESDAY.
WEDNESDAY: That is sweet of you to say, Ocean.
Ocean: And I’ll give it back to you, for a fair price.

Justus: No moon, no stars, pitch black. I’m fuckin’ James Zombie Bond here.

Justus: Well thanks, nature.

Justus: I’ll just drink my death juice.
FRIDAY: You do that.


WEDNESDAY: Did you bring a bag? I’ve got it all right here.

Shadow: .oO(Speak to me…)

FRIDAY: Are you missing Master Stewart, Shadow?
Shadow: .oO(It’s no good trying to make me laugh!)

Shadow: .oO(And also you’re hurting me in like fifty different places.)

FRIDAY: You contribute so much to this household, Shadow!

FRIDAY: It can be weighed, even.

FRIDAY: Are you being a moron again, WEDNESDAY?

FRIDAY: Count me in.

And this is why the robot revolution will never happen.

See also: the feline revolution.

Rosemarie: No hard feelings, right?

Rosemarie: Sorry I killed your brother!

Rosemarie: Have this fountain.

I think it’s a fair trade.

FRIDAY: Somebody broke into our house and left a big wet chunk of concrete.
WEDNESDAY: Why would they do that?!
FRIDAY: I think that’s a human mating ritual.
WEDNESDAY: Ohhh. Now I understand that big concrete hole they put in New York!

WEDNESDAY: They should have emptied out those pre-existing buildings first, though.

Brooke: Hi robots! You’re offending a lot of people.

Fine, let’s go to something less offensive then.

How about child abuse?

Rebecca: .oO(I CAN’T BREATHE)

Deborah: Priorities, Rebecca!

Deborah: Tidiness is the only thing that makes life worth living.
Rebecca: .oO(Tell that to my dad.)

Deborah: Hey, William? I just wanted to call and see if they caught the bitch who killed my Lucas.

Deborah: …Deborah. Deborah! THE ONE WITH THE PINK DRESS!

Deborah: We’ve had sex!

Deborah: Wow… really? That many?

Deborah: Should I get checked for anything, then?

Deborah: …I’ve never even heard of vaginal rabies.

Deborah: Maybe that’s how you get dog-faced boys!

Elle: …I really need to know what the first half of that thought was.


Stinky Skunk: .oO(They have so many skunk feeders in this neighbourhood! It’s really catching on.)

Stinky Skunk: .oO(Too bad some vandal keeps filling them with garbage.)

Deborah: After a hard day at work, it’s nice to come home to my-

Deborah: -stinking hole of what the fuck.

Deborah: …what the fuck is this?

What the fuck is that?!

Deborah: I don’t know why I talk to you, William. It’s like making an obscene phone call to yourself.

Deborah: If you love me, you’ll come over.

Deborah: I should have thought that one through.

Caryl: I’m starting to think Boo Radley must live here.

Alvin: Ahhhhh. That was fun.

Alvin: I’ve been marathoning Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri all night.

Been there.

Alvin: And I just finished masturbating to the screenshots.


Yeah, it’s about time this place got a touch of class.

Welcome to Yellowhaus.

Kitty: Does the black represent me?

No, it represents how awful it would look if it was literally all yellow.

Kitty: Hey, yellow counters!

Sunny side down! That’s how I like my eggs! Nonsensical.

Kitty: Hey, yellow fridge and microwave oven!

Give it a few years, they’ll both be beige. And it’ll turn out that yellow plastic is a carcinogen.

Kitty: Hey, yellow food processor!


You’re saying “hey” to these things, aren’t you. Like… you’re greeting them.

Kitty: Took you long enough.

Kitty: Most people figure out how lame I am a lot faster than that.
Prof. Johnson: Speaking of which, I am here for your paper and/or garbage can.
Kitty: Good, ‘cuz I’ve got the water mains covered already.

Prof. Johnson: I accept your apology!

Prof. Johnson: AND your newspaper.

Anna: What the hell is this?!

It’s the van you came in.

Anna: Oh, so that’s the official story now, is it?

Anna: Agent Mulder understands me.

Alvin: They said I needed a promotion!

Really? The secret agents said that? To you?!

Alvin: Yeah! They said I needed to be in danger more often.

Alvin: Apparently if none of us get shot for a long time, the public thinks we’re not doing our jobs. And they nominated me unanimously at the office! I’m gonna bake them a butt cake.

You mean bundt cake.

Alvin: No, Lucas left me a recipe.

Did it involve baked brains?

Well, I guess this explains WikiLeaks.

What exactly are you doing?

Anna: Anything but that.

Prof. Johnson: When I leave the can for later, it’s almost like I have a reason to live for most of the day!

Prof. Johnson: I can’t wait to print my book, Revenge for the Soul.

Alvin: Guess I’d better take this inside.


Alvin: ‘cuz I’m dumb.

I always feel like that.

Then again, my head is gigantic.

Kitty: Got promoted again!

What are you now? A Zoomba specialist? Or do you teach lap dances? Or maybe DON’T TELL ME I KNOW IT’LL BE STUPID.

Kitty: Hi honey! Why do you smell like fire?

This is what you do with two odd socks, people.

They belong together.

Kitty: Wanna have sock sex?
Alvin: I already did! After I helped colonize Alpha Centauri this morning.

Alvin: Don’t pay any mind to mommy, Ivy. Daddy is a space colonist.

Wait… you do realize that’s a computer game, right? You’re not actually controlling a space colony.

Alvin: Pff. That’s just the official story. This was the only way they could sell the West on continuing the space program.

Kitty: Have you been talking shit again?
Alvin: Did you forget to say hi to the stairs?
Kitty: FUCK. Hey, balustrade! Hey, Japanese thing! Hey…

Kitty: Pantheism sucks.
Alvin: Theism sucks.

Alvin: My wife sucks!

Alvin: And it’s pretty much okay.

Anna: I’m sure there’s a reason that toilet speaks in tongues.

It used to be an altar for some pretty horrific rituals.

Alvin: Which isn’t to say I don’t still eat a lot of bran!

Anna: The Cigarette Smoking Man says hello, Mrs. Woodrow.

Kitty: Tell him he’s a jerk.

Anna: Hey, naked idiot! Hey, broken television!

Kitty: New outlook, new haircut!

You’re not gonna fingershoot all the furnishings anymore?

Kitty: Sure I am! I’m just gonna watch more X-Files now, so I can get all these stupid jokes you’re making.

Alvin: Man, this is awesome!

Alvin: Good nothing is on!


Anna: Oh my god, she called you an oven? Who does that anymore?

Kitty: Hey, totally fired bitch!

Hey, chapter ending!

Next time: I dunno, domestic shit or something.

I’m sure the women will like it.

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